Mother is refusing to bring DD (3) back from abroad as agreed!

[AbsolutelyBloodyFurious]

My mother and stepfather live abroad in an Asian country that is a 16 hour flight away. They are out there due to my stepfather's work.

DH and I visited with DD (aged 3) last month for 2 weeks and as we had been experiencing some marital difficulties (he let's me do everything-cleaning, shopping, paperwork, childcare drop offs etc even though I earn double what he does and I am sick of it), my mother suggested that DD stay on with them for 2 weeks extra (as they are flying back to the UK anyway) to give us some time together.

I was not happy and said no initially as I am quite an anxious person and it is just too far away but was made to feel like an idiot so I agreed.

DD was supposed to come back next Wednesday but my mother has just rung me and said that they are postponing coming back until next month due to problems with stepfather's work so DD will have been over there for almost 7 weeks in all without us.

I am beyond furious. I would never have left her if I had any suspicion that they would do this. I am already completely stressed out worrying about DD constantly. My mother will look after her OK but anything could happen right? I cannot cope with another 5 weeks of this. There is also the impact this will have on DD being away from us so long.

I can't afford another flight out there and would need at least another week off work which I won't get.

Mother has said she won't fly back on her own with DD. She has to wait for my stepfather (mother does not work out there).

I want to bloody scream!!

Agree with others. Call the police, book flight on a credit card. Tell work you have an emergency. Don't tell your mother you are coming. Do it. Nothing is more important than getting your little girl back to you.What does your DH say?

If you really can't take off time at work, could your DH go?

Are you all reading the same op as me? Get the police and a lawyer? She hasn't abducted the child she just doesn't want to do a 16 hour flight on her own with a 3 year old.
I wouldn't be happy in the ops situation and would try to arrange a flight asap.

Explain the situation to your work on Monday.

Your mother is holding your child against your will so I'm sure that work would be sympathetic (I would be and I am a hard nosed HR manager!). Tell work you need 2 or 3 days off to get DD back and you will either take it as holiday or unpaid leave.

Beg, borrow or credit card the money to book the flight.

Get back to back flights eg out one day, 24 hours to get DD and then back the next day. If you do it over a weekend you will need even less time off work eg fly out Thurs, get DD on Fri and fly home Sat to arrive back in UK on Sunday.

Take ID for your DD eg birth certificate etc just in case your mother has any silly ideas about not giving her back.

And never ever have anything to do with your mother again.

I really hope you can get out there quickly.

Nancy - the mother has broken the arrangement to return the child. She's given another date in 5 weeks - who's to say that at that point there may be more issues and more delay. The op can consider whether or not this is abduction when she's got her dd back. For now the child is a long way away and she isn't being returned. I would be very anxious in her place too.

I think you should BOTH GO!!!

Were the flights back already booked for Wednesday? If not then it looks very suspicious.

Before booking your flight is it worth one phone call to your mother insisting she bring DD back next Wednesday as arranged? If you get nowhere book the flight straight away for ASAP.

Don't say to DM how you'll never trust her again as she could take extreme action and disappear with DD. Tread very carefully and get your DD back immediately.

I've just googled and there is something about a 28 day limit for a child to be away from parents when out of the UK - I don't really understand it... but if your MIL keeps dd she'll surely be in breach of that particular ruling?

Wow. I am speechless. You need to go and get your child back.

And then consider why you allowed your mother to railroad you into keeping her in the first place. You didn't want to leave her, but you did.

Now go and book that flight.

Agree. Don't say anything, just get on a flight and turn up. If your dm won't hand over your dd's passport take your dd straight to the nearest embassy.

Borrow the money! Tell work it's an emergency and just go. You can sort it all out when you get back with your dd.

Norther, I understand the mum has broken the agreement, and yes if the child were mine I would go & get her. However the mum has given a new date and explained she doesn't want to do a 16 hour flight on her own with a small child, this hardly makes get the child snatcher. Some of the replies on here are bordering on hysteria.

I agree with nancy75: this isn't abduction, just incompetence or, at worst, a stubborn and stupid stratagem to "give you and DH more time together." If the latter, she still needs a (metaphorical) slap, but not the police... yet.

I think you need to go get her

I can not see how keeping a child an extra 5 weeks is less stressful than one flight. Even if it is 16 hours. I have never met a three yr old that wouldn't miss their mummy and daddy and be in tears the whole time. People fly all the time with kids on their own . She doesn't need anyone with her ffs she's stalling and op needs to get out there

I agree with nancy75 the mum probably thinks she is doing her daughter a favour by having her granddaughter a bit longer and will give her time alone with husband.

Verging on hysteria? I'd be hysterical, as would most parents, perhaps that's why the responses are verging on hysteria. It's outrageous.

Beg, borrow or steal. Or all three. Go get your daughter.

Just adding btw I don't think what the mum is doing is right but she hasn't probably thought it through, she probably thins her granddaughter will be having a holiday

Giles I am an incredibly nervous flyer. My panic at the thought of flying means I can not fly alone. It's entirely possible the mother thinks it isn't a big deal to wait till her husband can fly with her. Everyone is assuming she has ulterior motives but in my case without an adult supporting me I couldn't physically get on a plane.

You need to go fetch your dd no one else can do it for you and you can not physically make your mother bring her back.

But the flights must already have been booked. It doesnt add up.

You have to go out there and get her, whatever it takes. She is so little and your dd. take your dd birth certificate etc

Seriously why are you posting on here?

Logical thing, devote all your time to get the money and get out there to bring your dd back.

I don't see why you need a week off.

Find the money.
Contact HR first thing Monday morning and request emergency time off for compassionate grounds. Get their decision written down. If they say no, really who gives a fuck? Still go and get your child.

Well thank you. TBH I thought most people would be wondering what the problem was.

Mother seems to think that she is doing me a favour, giving us more time together and spending more time with DD as she does not often see her for obvious reasons.

I did not want to leave her and had no intention of doing so before it was brought up but was made to feel that I was being ungrateful and over emotional if I refused. She is bored I feel and wanted something to do.

Mother does not want to be apart from my stepfather and is nervous of flying alone (she is 55 and healthy) but is putting that above DD being apart from me!

I am still debating. DD seems fine. Howe could this affect her do you think?

She is bored I feel and wanted something to do. meaning my mother. She is also quite controlling.

What's to debate? Go and get her!!! For heavens sake.