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Original poster

Mother is refusing to bring DD (3) back from abroad as agreed!

253 replies

AbsolutelyBloodyFurious · 12/10/2013 14:57

My mother and stepfather live abroad in an Asian country that is a 16 hour flight away. They are out there due to my stepfather's work.

DH and I visited with DD (aged 3) last month for 2 weeks and as we had been experiencing some marital difficulties (he let's me do everything-cleaning, shopping, paperwork, childcare drop offs etc even though I earn double what he does and I am sick of it), my mother suggested that DD stay on with them for 2 weeks extra (as they are flying back to the UK anyway) to give us some time together.

I was not happy and said no initially as I am quite an anxious person and it is just too far away but was made to feel like an idiot so I agreed.

DD was supposed to come back next Wednesday but my mother has just rung me and said that they are postponing coming back until next month due to problems with stepfather's work so DD will have been over there for almost 7 weeks in all without us.

I am beyond furious. I would never have left her if I had any suspicion that they would do this. I am already completely stressed out worrying about DD constantly. My mother will look after her OK but anything could happen right? I cannot cope with another 5 weeks of this. There is also the impact this will have on DD being away from us so long.

I can't afford another flight out there and would need at least another week off work which I won't get.

Mother has said she won't fly back on her own with DD. She has to wait for my stepfather (mother does not work out there).

I want to bloody scream!!

OP posts:
Serendipity30 · 12/10/2013 15:52

5 Weeks? Its not like the grandmother is saying a couple of days, due to the age of the child i would go get her myself. Honestly I wouldn't have left her. I love and trust my mum, but I still wouldn't I don't know why.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 12/10/2013 15:53

If you are debating then you can't be too bothered and know she is safe and isn't an abduction.

If you are fine with it then leave her if not you will have to get her.

SweetSeraphim · 12/10/2013 15:53

I wouldn't be happy about being away from my dd for that length of time, and she's 15! Is the money an issue? If not, I don't really know why you're deliberating? If you can't afford it, then I don't know what to suggest.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 12/10/2013 15:54

My mum and dad used to send us to grandparents in Ireland for the 6 week hols.

I dont see an issue with it.

Serendipity30 · 12/10/2013 15:54

I agree, what are you asking us again for, everyone has told you what they think on here. Discuss it with your husband and make a decision.

Original poster
AbsolutelyBloodyFurious · 12/10/2013 15:55

I wont be calling the police and it is not an abduction just a complete disregard for me and my feelings AGAIN Sad.

OP posts:
KirjavaTheCorpse · 12/10/2013 15:56

She's 3. With a woman she doesn't see very often in a house and surroundings that are not her own, for 7 weeks.

How are you staying in contact? Phone, skype, what? How often?

FannyMcNally · 12/10/2013 15:56

Are you in contact with dd? Skyping? That way you could see if she is quite happy at the moment. If she wants to be with you I would fly out and get her otherwise see how you both feel in a week's time and take it from there. I can imagine it was a terrible shock to know her return would be delayed. Good luck with your decision.

ihearsounds · 12/10/2013 15:56

Sorry to be blunt, then it sounds like you really aren't that bothered. There is nothing to debate. Either you care that she won't be back for at least another 5 weeks, or you don't.

WhereIsBethanyBear · 12/10/2013 15:56

I think you need to stop being so bloody passive and tell your mother that she will bring her back as planned, or you will need her to pay for you to pick her up. If not, she never sees DD again.

PumpkinGuts · 12/10/2013 15:57

I think anyone who would keep a 3 year old aware from her parents for 7 weeks against their will is unbalanced and should not be left alone with the 3 year old. Not hysteria at all

Spaulding · 12/10/2013 15:57

Still debating? WTF? What is there to debate? Go and get your bloody child! I'd be on the first flight available. Who cares about work? Your child might seem fine, but another 5 weeks is a hell of a long time to be away from her parents.

WhereIsBethanyBear · 12/10/2013 15:57

SP were you 3? And alone, or with siblings?

nancy75 · 12/10/2013 15:58

yes kirjave verging on hysteria, the mum had not said she won't ever give the dd back, there is no actual suggestion of kidnapping. Maybe we could call the s.a.s just to be on the safe side? I should imagine all this talk of police and lawyers is actually making the op more anxious.

Famzilla · 12/10/2013 15:58

I had a very controlling mother so I get how she managed to talk you into handing your DD over, and making you feel ungrateful now. I cut my mum off but I wouldn't put it past her to pull a stunt like this.

You need to get your daughter back ASAP. What would you say to a friend that was in this situation? You're a grown woman and only you decide what happens with your child , not your mum.

cakebar · 12/10/2013 15:59

I don't understand how you can debate this, at this young age I think 7 weeks away from a primary carer will damage her bond with you and unsettle her.

SweetSeraphim · 12/10/2013 15:59

Can you get hold of the money OP?

Do you have any other children?

SinisterMatic · 12/10/2013 15:59

You need to fly out there and bring your daughter home.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 12/10/2013 16:00

What about her feelings, OP? Does she know why her mummy and daddy left her behind? Will she be as understanding when holiday time with grandma doesn't seem to be ending?

Expect to comfort a very confused toddler in five weeks.

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/10/2013 16:00

Then what do you want. We have all told you to go get her. I can't believe you left her in the first place and now you still seem prepared to leave your previous dd with a woman who would use her just to prove a point?

In the nicest possible way, stop feeling sorry for yourself sell a kidney if you have to and get on a plane. I'm
Not usually so blunt but Jesus wept I cannot believe there is even a question here. She's three. It's 7 WEEKS. That's nearly two bloody months.

SPsTwerkingNineToFive · 12/10/2013 16:01

Id have been alone at some point. Then siblings. They have been my grandparents since I was 2 so yes I'd have been 3 at some point.

We all thought it was great. We saw them for that holiday and if they came over to us ever through year.

I'd happily send my son to my dad for the 6 weeks now my dad has moved over there. He wouldn't though.

PumpkinGuts · 12/10/2013 16:01

Sp, when you were 3?

Gileswithachainsaw · 12/10/2013 16:01

Precious

Beamur · 12/10/2013 16:01

If you're happy that she will be well cared for and there really is no way you can afford to fly out and retrieve your DD, then I would wait until seeing your Mum face to face and then calmly explain that she has been totally out of order, keeping your child for a further 5 weeks than arranged is beyond unacceptable and will mean in future you will not be leaving DD in her sole care again. Ever!

PumpkinGuts · 12/10/2013 16:02

And when your parents only agreed 2 weeks.?

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