To think the school need to support my child

[mychildisnotnaughty]

DS turned 4 at the end of July so started in reception as one of the youngest. Hes been struggling and today I was called in because he ran out of the hall in a PE lesson then when the TA tried to get him back in, he had a tantrum. He then had to wear his PE kit the rest of the day as he refused to get changed and he had no top on as he refused to wear his t shirt.

They said he won't line up either and runs off, also had a tantrum when going to lunch. Also keeps trying to run off at the end of the day.

At the moment I feel he is not being supported, they just keep trying to put him in time out but this doesn't work, I said he needs ignoring but they said that isn't possible. To me it's all down to him being a summer born.

They also complained he's been annoying the school rabbit, this really upset me as at home he loves animals.

AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything.

Yes I know if the op wants it then they have to offer full time schooling. But should t what the child needs come first. Why make it so traumatic for him if it doesn't have to be. He can stay full time and become a nervous wreck, and struggle with the expectations, or she can make full use of options available and pick one that is right for him. She's hardly going to be able to attend college if she's being called in all the time. U know it's not what she wants to hear but sounds like he needs more time to prepare himself.

Children do not have to be sent to school full time when they are in reception. Schools might encourage it, but the decision belongs to the parent.

It is pointless to compare school with pre school and it is virtually irrelevant whether a pre school could manage negative behaviour in comparison to a school. They are completely different settings, even when they are both following the EYFS.

Some children just aren't ready for school when they have just turned four, and it's down to parents to ensure their child is being cared for and educated adequately. If school isn't right for your child at four years old, then don't sent them, or at least don't send them full time. It is not compulsory.

the decision belongs to the parent

This was my point. He can have full time schooling , with additional support, if needs be, or he can receive flexible schooling.

However the decision is made by the parent.

Of course what is best for the child should be the top priority.

To those of you saying about additional funding - we don't know if the OP's ds has any SN to start with. Also do you think there's a funding fairy? Additional funding is very difficult to come by, even if the school is onboard.

YoutheCat read up thread, the link I made to the funding reform. Schools do now have funding for additional needs which may or may not be 'special'.

The funding reform legislation is operative now.

If you agree that the decision lies with the parent, then why do you appear to be supporting this particular parent when she says she can't do anything and that all the support her child needs educationally should be down to the school?

Yes, there is funding but you still have to identify needs first and do a shedload of paperwork to access it. It isn't instant. And it is still difficult to get.

We have a number of children who need additional help and do not get it, not because the school has the money and is spending elsewhere but because the child has been assessed and deemed not to need 1:1.

BrokenSunglasses In law the decision does lie with the parent whether to have their child not attend school full time at this age.

The parent's powers to support her child's school, in managing her child's behaviour, remotely are limited, as she is not there to intervene.

The settings of home and schools are different, what works at home may not work at school and visa versa. If a parents strategies are working at home, the child is happy and well looked after, the parent is parenting successfully. The circumstances are different at home, problem behaviours may not even arise to the same extent. A parent, in their close relationship with their child, may be able to stop problems escalating, from their outset, almost subconsciously

YoutheCat One of the reasons for the funding reform was to enable schools to be more proactive and respond more rapidly to additional needs. If a child has been has been assessed as not needing 1 to 1, what strategies are you employing to manage their behaviour? Maybe there are some reasonable adjustments that your school could make, to make the learning environment more accessible to all.

As it isn't up to me, none.

Yes, the funding reform is great but it still isn't instant. I work in a school with many children with varying additional needs and behavioural issues and only the most in need get additional funding. The funding isn't a bottomless pit.

Without more information from the OP it is quite difficult to determine what the next step should be but I'd say there is a long road of the OP and the school working together first before any additional funding would be sought.

" brambleandapple Fri 11-Oct-13 09:38:31

The funding reform legislation is operative now."

Yes, but the SEN Reform isn't in live until September 2014. It's the SEN legislation that determines the status of children with SEN. Until September 2014, the existing SEN Regulations remain. They specify three categories of children with identified SEN:

-School Action
-School Action Plus
-Statement

The funding reform has come into place. It is irrelevant to most children. Nothing has changed for them. They won't see anything different in practice. It is simply a more devolved system with lower retention of funds within Local Authorities and more responsibility for schools to administer funding as needed.

Limited maybe, but parents are not completely powerless to influence their child's behaviour at school.

It makes a huge difference if parents engage with the school, sometimes all it takes is communication and a willingness to work together. If we can remind a child that's misbehaving at school that they will be able to go to X place this weekend if I can tell their Mummy that they behaved well today, and that improves their behaviour, then everyone's a winner. If we can give a child a sticker to go on the reward chart they have at home and that works, then brilliant. But that's two strategies that can be very effective only if parents engage and are consistent.

It is good for children to know that all the adults in their lives are on the same page. They can't be expected to behave well if at four years old they are allowed to do anything they want to at home with the only consequence being that they are ignored, when at school the same behaviour results in something completely different.

lougle I understand but the money is there, schools maybe have to wait the same amount of time assessments - that is all.

Schools which already have expertise will be able to put strategies in place. Schools which do not have the expertise maybe need to partnership up with these schools.

I know it is not easy but blaming parents and just leaving a child to fail is not a good option. Some action needs to be taken by the school.

It is good for children to know that all the adults in their lives are on the same page.

But what if they are not? What if the parent is just is not being listened to and the child has an additional and is being sanctioned for behaviour that is outside their own control?

Or what if the school is at fault and the teacher has ill thought out, or inconsistently carried out, class management systems or the quality of teaching is poor?

A double set of sanctions would be just like ganging up on a child, in these case scenarios, bullying them in fact.

I'm not saying this is happening, but it is a possibility. Schools need to engage with the parents, actively listen and respond to their advice, as well as a parent engaging with a school. It should be an equal partnership.

^ additional need (typo)

Yes, that is a possibility.

But it's also a possibility that the parent is just not parenting very well, and needs some guidance from people with more experience of children.

You seem to be determined to jump to the conclusion that the school is at fault in some way and that the parent is entirely blameless.

I agree that it should be an equal partnership with the school and the parents engaging equally with each other, but when you have a parent saying 'AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything. then it seems more likely to me that the problem lies with the parent more than with the school.

It is highly unlikely that a school would apply for and get funding for a child with behavioural issues unless there are SN (or a good suspicion of it).

At 4 it is unusual for a statement to be in place (and these are even more difficult to get these days anyway). My ds had a statement at 4 because he was very lucky to go to a brilliant nursery who recognised that he would not cope in a mainstream school at all. This was all fast tracked because I put in a hell of a lot of work as did an excellent Ed Psych.

Parent and school have to present a united front.

I've known a few parents who have children who apparently behave well at home but not at school. Each of these parents has a totally different idea of 'acceptable' behaviour to what the school and most other parents have.

E.g. A child punching other kids at school so the school obviously sees this as a problem, child punching siblings at home and parent sees it as normal sibling behaviour. Another child who didn't cope with routine or rules at school just didn't have any rules or routine at home so was allowed to do what he liked and expected that at school too. Neither of these children have SEN.

but when you have a parent saying 'AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything. then it seems more likely to me that the problem lies with the parent more than with the school.

Now who is jumping to conclusions? I explained up thread (10.12 post) why it might be a possibility that the child is fine at home.

The OP received a lot of criticism initially. My posts have countered this. Unless you are directly involved no one will really know who is at fault.

However blame really needs to be taken out of the equation, schools need to educate well without the parent's support. Otherwise they are failing children who have parents who cannot support the school, for whatever reason.

YoutheCat

It is highly unlikely that a school would apply for and get funding for a child with behavioural issues unless there are SN (or a good suspicion of it).

Please read the funding reform. Link up thread. Schools already have more funding delegated to them for additional needs.

Why does everyone instantly suggest SN these days? The majority of children do not have them in the sense that they require extra funding and individual support. He is a very small boy who is finding it difficult to deal with a whole new set of stimulations and expectations. He may behave 'fine' at home where he is not confronted with these. The staff will work, hopefully with parental support, to get him to conform to these expectations. Yes, the dreaded word 'conform'. School and society require this, if you don't like it, home school!

wispa Additional support does not have to mean extra funding or 1 to 1 support. I mentioned this in terms of what schools have within their powers to draw upon.

I agree with you, the OP's boy is "...a very small boy who is finding it difficult to deal with a whole new set of stimulations and expectations. He may behave 'fine' at home where he is not confronted with these."

However previous posters were citing his behaviour as something which should not be expected or planned for, which, naturally, leads on to a discussion of additional needs.

The fact is additional needs, or not, the school has the resources to deal with this. Of course they should work in partnership with the parent, genuine equal partnership. However the LA still has the responsibility to provide this child with an education, regardless of his parent's actions. The school is accountable to the LA.

I'm not jumping to conclusions by saying I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to think that a school shouldn't contact them when they have concerns.

You are right that blame shouldn't be in the equation, but whether you call it blame or identifying a root cause of a problem is irrelevant. The school need to have good communication with this parent to ensure the best outcome for the child, and if a parent is blocking that, and ignoring the fact that school cannot leave a child to behave how they want to, then they simply aren't doing what is in the best interests of the child.

The OP may think the child is fine at home because she expects very little of him, but either way, they child is not fine at school and the parent needs to be involved in dealing with that problem.

schools need to educate well without the parent's support. Otherwise they are failing children who have parents who cannot support the school, for whatever reason

I agree that schools need to educate well, but I think you are being unrealistic if you think that education is entirely down to schools. It isn't. Parents will always be children's first and most important educator. Parents have responsibility for their children too, it is not acceptable to just say that schools have to do well whether or not they have parental support. It's just never going to happen, school resources and time are not limitless, and they are not parents.

The LA will not take the school seriously if the school has not put in place any strategies to support this child, themselves

Which it sounds like they have tried, but failed/are struggling with, hence asking Mum for help!! Call me stupid, but I would have thought that most teachers would be reasonably used to kids of this age running off, refusing to participate etc & have their own ways to deal with it, so I see the calling the parents is a last resort, as NOTHING they have tried is working!

The op suggesting they ignore him is a daft cop out! Not to mention dangerous..what if he ran into the road, do they ignore him them? The only way ignoring would work is if they looked him in a safe space, THAT isn't going to happen.

I ignore my dd when behaviour is less than desirable, but I wouldn't suggest her school do it.

4 is very to be in school, here they start reception at 5 & I must admit that both my girls have handled it well, far better than if they were 4.

Full time school is HUGE! He is probably exhausted too, which won't help.