To think the school need to support my child

[mychildisnotnaughty]

DS turned 4 at the end of July so started in reception as one of the youngest. Hes been struggling and today I was called in because he ran out of the hall in a PE lesson then when the TA tried to get him back in, he had a tantrum. He then had to wear his PE kit the rest of the day as he refused to get changed and he had no top on as he refused to wear his t shirt.

They said he won't line up either and runs off, also had a tantrum when going to lunch. Also keeps trying to run off at the end of the day.

At the moment I feel he is not being supported, they just keep trying to put him in time out but this doesn't work, I said he needs ignoring but they said that isn't possible. To me it's all down to him being a summer born.

They also complained he's been annoying the school rabbit, this really upset me as at home he loves animals.

AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything.

[Willshome]

Agree with those who suggest taking him out of school if he's not ready for the discipline for another year. Better than setting him up with a sense of himself as a "naughty" child.

[lougle]

The legal obligations for the school and the parent are different.

Parents:

Legally have to arrange education in the term of the 5th birthday. That may be by sending the child to school or home educating.

School:

Has to accept children from the September of the Academic year in which they will turn 5.

There is no obligation for a 4 year old to be at school. However, once registered at school, the parent is expected to comply with the attendance rules of the school.

[Fairenuff]

Do you mean that, if she missed reception, she would go straight into Year 1 when she started back to school after turning 5?

[pixiepotter]

'that is exactly what my DD1s school told me last year when I threatened to pull her out. Had letters from the LEA and the headmaster.'

were they delivered by flying pig?

[theothermrssoos]

That was in response to YoureBeingADick

And that is exactly what my DD1s school told me last year when I threatened to pull her out. Had letters from the LEA and the headmaster.

"asserting such rubbish when they havent got a clue."

RUDE.

[pixiepotter]

They have to legally be at school once they hit 4 - whether parents like it or not

honestly! why do people assert such rubbish when they haven't a clue.

[theothermrssoos]

They have to legally be at school once they hit 4 - whether parents like it or not.

My DD1 is summer born and we've not had any problems (other than when me and her Dad split up and she refused to leave my side, but that was a home issue and not a school one.)

Maybe go in and watch what hes like in the classroom?

[sturdyoak]

^too (typo)

[sturdyoak]

The OP has done nothing wrong either except trying to suggest what might help. OK she failed, but is not a professional, what can work at home does not necessarily work in the classroom. The school failed to in their approach.

Meanwhile all this will be very worrying and frustrating for her, she can see her child is not happy.

[nkf]

try other approaches.

[nkf]

Based on the evidence in the OP, the school has done nothing wrong. They are faced with worrying and unacceptable behaviour and they have tried a strategy which has failed. They have, quite rightly, contacted the child's parent. The parent has, so far, contributed nothing useful.

The school will probably other approaches. Not sure what the OP intends to do.

[Fairenuff]

Thank you bunch

[sturdyoak]

Schools can be defensive too....it's their professional reputations at stake.

[YouTheCat]

My own child's behaviour was so extreme that he was excluded numerous times in year 5, and this was at a special school. School were struggling. We were struggling. But we worked together to find a solution that worked. It was the only way.

There would have been no point in me getting defensive. That wouldn't have helped my ds to attend school and get much from the experience.

[merrymouse]

And I also agree, about cutting the OP some slack. The defensiveness is a natural reaction to being told that things are going significantly wrong at school.

[YouTheCat]

The point is they need to be working together.

If all the parent will offer by way of solution is 'ignore him, it works at home' then that is not helpful.

[merrymouse]

I don't think the OP gave enough information to find out what is going on here. I agree that you can't ignore a child running away and the school may just have been trying to open a dialogue.

However I don't think it's helpful to assign the cause of problem behaviour to bad parenting because even if it is caused by bad parenting, the school's responsibility is to the child; children from 'problem' backgrounds also have sn; and many dedicated, responsible, boundary setting parents have children who find it difficult to function in school.

I think there is some oversimplifying of the problems that some children have on this thread. Perhaps people would have responded differently to a less defensive OP.

[sturdyoak]

YouTheCat She is not a professional. She will not necessarily know what will work in school. The teachers have not got this cracked either. They cannot blame her for trying. Again I am reminded of this post,

swallowedAfly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:34:20

....... gut feeling this is wrong but not having the buzzwords or the knowledge of pedagogy or agendas or inspection frameworks to articulate how those gut knowings interact with expert 'knowings'. .... a standard comment on how all professions/trades/institutions etc have their own terminology which silences people who aren't fluent in it. you could be a genius with a fantastically spot on assessement of what is wrong with your local school but still lack the language and awareness of policy, strategies etc to articulate that in a way that will be heard by educationalists.

Professionals are reminded in the SEN CoP of how difficult it can be for parents to discuss things with teachers, SN or the possibility is, a very difficult emotive issue. Cut the OP some slack!

[YouTheCat]

No one said anything about keeping her place.

But if her ds's behaviour is that bad (and she did give quite a few incidents as examples) then she needs to work with the school and be proactive in helping them find out if there are any SN, as many strategies used with NT children just will not work if a child has SN.

Just telling them to 'ignore' him not helpful at all.

[sturdyoak]

bunchoffives The OP is studying, how is she supposed to increase her own and her child's chances for a better future? She'd get just as much stick if she stayed at home.

Dragged up indeed, perhaps that is because people, like some of the posters on here, prefer to keep people in their place and write them and their children off as feckless.

[pixiepotter]

The running off might be described as a stress response, but the refusal to get changed and put on his T shirt and teasing the rabbit sound like plain naughtiness to me.
What do they mean when they say 'time out is not working'. They have to sticK with it until it DOES work.For example kid sits in time out until he will put on his shirt.

[bunchoffives]

I think you are absolutely spot on Fright. Actions speak louder than words and if you are backing up at home the authority and validity of teachers and school then that communicates itself to children as respect for their teachers and school when they are there.

Sturdy you seem to have some romantic notion of non-conformity - which is fine in a high-achieving, educated family like yours. But when you are talking about a kid dragged up with no positive family culture to speak of, school norms might be the closest that kid gets to anything decent or sane in their young lives.

And fairenuff you sound so sensible and kind - I'd have loved to have my kids taught by a teacher like you - and in fact was lucky enough for that to have been the case in the main.

[sturdyoak]

I think the post I quoted earlier is more telling, here it is again,


swallowedAfly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:34:20

....... gut feeling this is wrong but not having the buzzwords or the knowledge of pedagogy or agendas or inspection frameworks to articulate how those gut knowings interact with expert 'knowings'. .... a standard comment on how all professions/trades/institutions etc have their own terminology which silences people who aren't fluent in it. you could be a genius with a fantastically spot on assessement of what is wrong with your local school but still lack the language and awareness of policy, strategies etc to articulate that in a way that will be heard by educationalists.

[sturdyoak]

^help in a situation such as this, that is. It does no good just writing off whole sectors of the population like this, what do you want? Eugenics?

[sturdyoak]

Frightrider

The issue isn't the kids, its the parents apathy. If the parents don't give a shit, the kids wont either.

Now how is this helpful, ever? Might as well write them all off now eh? This statement is apathetic, if you don't intend to help, in any form whatsoever.