To think the school need to support my child

[mychildisnotnaughty]

DS turned 4 at the end of July so started in reception as one of the youngest. Hes been struggling and today I was called in because he ran out of the hall in a PE lesson then when the TA tried to get him back in, he had a tantrum. He then had to wear his PE kit the rest of the day as he refused to get changed and he had no top on as he refused to wear his t shirt.

They said he won't line up either and runs off, also had a tantrum when going to lunch. Also keeps trying to run off at the end of the day.

At the moment I feel he is not being supported, they just keep trying to put him in time out but this doesn't work, I said he needs ignoring but they said that isn't possible. To me it's all down to him being a summer born.

They also complained he's been annoying the school rabbit, this really upset me as at home he loves animals.

AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything.

[sturdyoak]

My child deserves much better.^

[NewNameforNewTerm]

Unfortunately, with some children if school doesn't do some parenting they don't get any. Sad world we live in.

[sturdyoak]

Part of the role of being a teacher NewName. They don't call it a 'vocation' for nothing. You need the Divine to be moving through you, in order to make a half decent job at it. Par for the course...

[sturdyoak]

So any assertions as to expertise is hokum...floundering in the dark, a lot of them.

[merrymouse]

Once you exclude children who have behavioural problems because of special needs (or perhaps too young to cope with full time school) and children who have difficult backgrounds that you can't change (illness/poverty/previous trauma/at risk) are you honestly saying that there are a significant number of children in your class who disrupt classes because of well intentioned but lax parenting?

Of course some parents are daft - being daft is no bar to having children and if takes all sorts to make a world, but in significant numbers, really?

It seems particularly strange to me that problems with standing in a line would be due to lack of pre school training rather than lack of maturity/sensory difficulties as so many children start school having attended a nursery.

[sturdyoak]

This thread has been interesting.

Many said the OP's child's behaviour was not the norm so then the possibility of a SN was mentioned. Schools said, they had no funds, their hands were 'tied'...

Until it was pointed out there were funds at their disposal for additional needs. Then they all pointed out that this type of behaviour did not necessarily suggest SN or additional need and those funds should be spent on a flower bed for all the children....

Then it was asserted this child was simply not ready for school. However the parent can insist on full time education, if they wish to. Oh dear, well of course the child should come first, the OP's child must stay at home...

The parent might not want this, bad selfish parent. 'Bad parenting' was claimed to be the cause of this predicament. Except children with 'bad parents' deserve an education too...

All the while, those who insisted on their expertise, claimed it was not within their capabilities do anything much about this sort of thing...

And round we go again...

[SoupDragon]

It may all have been talked round and round and come back to the beginning after contradicting everything that was said but the fact remains that you can't ignore a child who has run out of class as the OP suggested. That is bloody stupid.

[lougle]

"Until it was pointed out there were funds at their disposal for additional needs. Then they all pointed out that this type of behaviour did not necessarily suggest SN or additional need and those funds should be spent on a flower bed for all the children...."

sturdyoak, apologies if you have got that impression. My DD1 had special needs, she goes to special school, I am a convenor at two schools (both special) and I know the SEN Code of Practice like the back of my hand. I was giving a hyperbolic explanation of why some schools may be reluctant to identify SN in children.

[lougle]

governor, not covenor

[sturdyoak]

SoupDragon He is being ignored, in terms of not much being done.

Been spoke about and one strategy trialled, 'time out', unsuccessfully.

The parent, who is not a professional, will not necessarily know what works in school, all she knows is what works at home. Her experience suggests some form of avoiding confrontation prevents an escalation in behaviour. This is useful information, its suggests prevention (in terms of triggers) is needed, at least for the time being.

merrymouse's comment was interesting about most children attend nurseries before school. Maybe the nursery experience has not prepared the child adequately for school. Maybe it doesn't generally, as a few have pointed out, behaviour has (apparently) got worse in the past 10 years. So maybe it is the professionals who should perhaps be altering their approach... for making a more streamlined transition into reception.

[SoupDragon]

That's clearly not what the OP meant though, is it?

[sturdyoak]

What bit Soup? Sometimes you do have to read between the lines. The scenario I have suggested seems believable to me.

[SoupDragon]

The OP said "he needs ignoring".

[sturdyoak]

I am reminded of this post I read a while ago

swallowedAfly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:34:20

....... gut feeling this is wrong but not having the buzzwords or the knowledge of pedagogy or agendas or inspection frameworks to articulate how those gut knowings interact with expert 'knowings'. .... a standard comment on how all professions/trades/institutions etc have their own terminology which silences people who aren't fluent in it. you could be a genius with a fantastically spot on assessement of what is wrong with your local school but still lack the language and awareness of policy, strategies etc to articulate that in a way that will be heard by educationalists.

[sturdyoak]

Frightrider

The issue isn't the kids, its the parents apathy. If the parents don't give a shit, the kids wont either.

Now how is this helpful, ever? Might as well write them all off now eh? This statement is apathetic, if you don't intend to help, in any form whatsoever.

[sturdyoak]

^help in a situation such as this, that is. It does no good just writing off whole sectors of the population like this, what do you want? Eugenics?

[sturdyoak]

I think the post I quoted earlier is more telling, here it is again,


swallowedAfly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:34:20

....... gut feeling this is wrong but not having the buzzwords or the knowledge of pedagogy or agendas or inspection frameworks to articulate how those gut knowings interact with expert 'knowings'. .... a standard comment on how all professions/trades/institutions etc have their own terminology which silences people who aren't fluent in it. you could be a genius with a fantastically spot on assessement of what is wrong with your local school but still lack the language and awareness of policy, strategies etc to articulate that in a way that will be heard by educationalists.

[bunchoffives]

I think you are absolutely spot on Fright. Actions speak louder than words and if you are backing up at home the authority and validity of teachers and school then that communicates itself to children as respect for their teachers and school when they are there.

Sturdy you seem to have some romantic notion of non-conformity - which is fine in a high-achieving, educated family like yours. But when you are talking about a kid dragged up with no positive family culture to speak of, school norms might be the closest that kid gets to anything decent or sane in their young lives.

And fairenuff you sound so sensible and kind - I'd have loved to have my kids taught by a teacher like you - and in fact was lucky enough for that to have been the case in the main.

[pixiepotter]

The running off might be described as a stress response, but the refusal to get changed and put on his T shirt and teasing the rabbit sound like plain naughtiness to me.
What do they mean when they say 'time out is not working'. They have to sticK with it until it DOES work.For example kid sits in time out until he will put on his shirt.

[sturdyoak]

bunchoffives The OP is studying, how is she supposed to increase her own and her child's chances for a better future? She'd get just as much stick if she stayed at home.

Dragged up indeed, perhaps that is because people, like some of the posters on here, prefer to keep people in their place and write them and their children off as feckless.

[YouTheCat]

No one said anything about keeping her place.

But if her ds's behaviour is that bad (and she did give quite a few incidents as examples) then she needs to work with the school and be proactive in helping them find out if there are any SN, as many strategies used with NT children just will not work if a child has SN.

Just telling them to 'ignore' him not helpful at all.

[sturdyoak]

YouTheCat She is not a professional. She will not necessarily know what will work in school. The teachers have not got this cracked either. They cannot blame her for trying. Again I am reminded of this post,

swallowedAfly Mon 07-Oct-13 17:34:20

....... gut feeling this is wrong but not having the buzzwords or the knowledge of pedagogy or agendas or inspection frameworks to articulate how those gut knowings interact with expert 'knowings'. .... a standard comment on how all professions/trades/institutions etc have their own terminology which silences people who aren't fluent in it. you could be a genius with a fantastically spot on assessement of what is wrong with your local school but still lack the language and awareness of policy, strategies etc to articulate that in a way that will be heard by educationalists.

Professionals are reminded in the SEN CoP of how difficult it can be for parents to discuss things with teachers, SN or the possibility is, a very difficult emotive issue. Cut the OP some slack!

[merrymouse]

I don't think the OP gave enough information to find out what is going on here. I agree that you can't ignore a child running away and the school may just have been trying to open a dialogue.

However I don't think it's helpful to assign the cause of problem behaviour to bad parenting because even if it is caused by bad parenting, the school's responsibility is to the child; children from 'problem' backgrounds also have sn; and many dedicated, responsible, boundary setting parents have children who find it difficult to function in school.

I think there is some oversimplifying of the problems that some children have on this thread. Perhaps people would have responded differently to a less defensive OP.

[YouTheCat]

The point is they need to be working together.

If all the parent will offer by way of solution is 'ignore him, it works at home' then that is not helpful.