Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that they googled the price of the bottle of wine I bought to the Mum's social?

349 replies

LovelyVerity · 10/10/2013 16:19

DS has just started primary school. As I work full-time, I've never had much opportunity to meet other local mums, though I know some of them to nod to. Last Friday, one of the mothers organised a social (bring a bottle) at her house and invited all the P1 mums.

It wasn't the best evening for me - I only had 5 minutes to change as I was late back from work, and felt a bit of a mess. Everyone seemed to know each other and made no effort to include me, and one woman had this pointed conversation about how easy one child was - I don't find it easy :( I bought a bottle with me (obviously) - just grabbed quickly from the rack at home. I was given a glass of something I didn't like much - but obviously I didn't say that!! I was driving, so I only had the 1 glass.

Anyway, one of the mums I know slightly through work told me that after I had left a few of the mums there were pretty smashed and googled how much my wine cost. Apparently they have been posting silly comments about it on facebook all week - and it is "the" in-joke of the moment.

Is this normal behaviour? Am I being silly to feel so upset about this? DS seems to have settled well into school, but I can't help think that maybe it was a mistake to send him there if this is how the MOTHERS behave!

OP posts:
ukatlast · 10/10/2013 18:12

All the P1 Mums would be a lot of Mums even if for just one Class. What percentage turned up would you say? It only takes one person to google for sth on their mobile - it's not like they would have gone up to the spareroom these days to go on the computer to do it.
Maybe it's too pessimistic to assume they are all awful.
However failing to include you at all in conversation is a big clue to avoid them in future and maybe find friends among the ones who didn't attend or elsewhere.

Also you only have the word of the woman you know slightly - could she be being malicious do you think? Maybe she exaggerated re the 'in joke' on Facebook thing, assuming you are not on their Facebook if you don't know them.

PloddingDaily · 10/10/2013 18:13

If it wasn't made up by SnitchMum you could always produce a really special bottle for the next & last time you attend one of these bitchfests get togethers... I reckon 50:50 widdle : white wine vinegar ought to do it. Decline any alcohol on the grounds that you're driving so noone suspects, and if they try it before they're pissed you leave & are suitably shocked, look all wide eyed & innocent & say, "oh, but my husband orders the wine in our house, I've simply no idea - maybe it's corked or something?" Grin bwah ha ha!!!!

Awfuldaughter's idea is more dignified, admittedly...

comewinewithmoi · 10/10/2013 18:14

Also agree, not including you in conversation, big no!!

Iheartcrunchiebars · 10/10/2013 18:16

Totally bitchy. Ignore them. Horrible people do horrible things. I wouldn't even mention it to them. Rise above it.

Ps wine snobbery is pointless. I sell wine and one of the most popular ones with the best feedback taste wise costs £3 a bottle.

OctoberNights · 10/10/2013 18:27

Do you know what way the conversation was going i.e Too expensive or too cheap?

Brittabot · 10/10/2013 18:28

I would love you to bring a £30 bottle of wine to my house! I can't believe people are suggesting you lie about its provenance either. You've done nothing to be ashamed of.

Ignore it, enjoy the moral high ground and hopefully you'll meet mums who aren't bitches and more on your wavelength.

Northernlurker · 10/10/2013 18:29

You work fulltime and have only one child to provide for. Any outsider will assume you've a substantial disposable income. You've bought a very expensive bottle of wine to a social and you say 'I had to push my husband quite hard to get him to agree to allow DS to attend the local school' - I assume you mean he wanted to use private education? I'm guessing tbh that yes they think you were showing off. You haven't mentioned dh's reservations about the school have you?

K8Middleton · 10/10/2013 18:31

Actually if I spied a posh bottle of wine at a meet up I might Google it. I like to know what I'm drinking and if it's a expensive a nice one.

I wouldn't worry about it. The person who told you sounds stirring and her version may not be how it happened. Much more likely scenario:

OP leaves
PissedMum1: oooh. That looks nice. Who brought that?
PissedMum2: I think it was op. What are you doing?
PM1: Just looking it up... bloody hell! It's £30 a bottle! Who brings £30 wine to a class meet up? I just grabbed a bottle of el cheapo from the CoOp. God she must think we're so common
PM2: Come on girls, drink up! OP's left us a little pressie! Yes it really is £30 bottle of wine!
PM3,4,5,6,7,8,9: chorus of approval, disbelief and glee

Snog · 10/10/2013 18:34

They don't feel that you fit in well with them - they're not keen to be friends and probably feel threatened by you. That's my take.

Presumably there is a mix of mums though and this is not true of all of them. It sounds unpleasant but don't take it to heart.
Why not ask a few kids round for play dates, that will improve your popularity! Often the mums come too at that age so a good chance to bond a bit.

Oblomov · 10/10/2013 18:34

How nasty.
Poor you.
Am in reception with ds2 and would feel very sad about this.
Hope you find some nice mum friends , outside of this group.

LEMisdisappointed · 10/10/2013 18:35

LMAO that loads of people on this thread thought the women were being snobby Grin

£30 for a bottle of wine - you can come to my house anytime you like :) I have never ever spent that on a bottle of wine, in fact, i don't think Ive even seen a bottle for that much - does it taste really nice or is it one of those ones that you only appreciate if you have a sophisticated palette?

MsIngaFewmarbles · 10/10/2013 18:35

What a bunch of bitches Shock

Now very nervous about coffee after drop off tomorrow morning, first time for me as I am usually in lectures.

Moxiegirl · 10/10/2013 18:36

K8 that's exactly how I imagined it!

Snog · 10/10/2013 18:37

I do agree with NorthernLurker about your comments re "attending the local school" - this comes across quite badly tbh

fuzzpig · 10/10/2013 18:37

They're just jealous and trying to deflect their insecurities by putting you down.

notanyanymore · 10/10/2013 18:39

"attending the local school" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say!!

TheGinLushMinion · 10/10/2013 18:40

A £30 bottle of wine??? Shock When are you free to pop round to mine Grin

Lizzylou · 10/10/2013 18:41

Bet it happened how k8 describes.
If I didn't recognise a wine and was enjoying it, I would look it up. Not to poke fun though.

K8Middleton · 10/10/2013 18:42

I really do think it's a fuss about nothing op. Go along to the next meet up and get stuck in. Ime most people are nice and everybody is a bit insecure until they've lubricated themselves a bit with the vino. You are a legend now.

Do you have lovely clothes too? Like Olivia Pope from Scandal and a nice bag? When I grow up I want to be just like that. For now I look like a student and whatever's on offer from Waitrose is as posh as it gets.

ArbitraryUsername · 10/10/2013 18:44

Are you sure that it's not that they discovered that the wine was surprisingly nice (particularly in comparison to the plonk everyone else probably brought) so googled it?

The FB gossip sounds like petty jealousy. Or maybe they thought you were trying to show off. Or something. The are being idiots though. Obviously.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 10/10/2013 18:52

What K8 said. It was obviously a classy bottle of wine, and I guess they wanted to know just how classy a bottle they were necking: I can exactly imagine the conversation, to be honest.

It is a bit naff and vulgar, but somehow I would think worse of them if they googled it because it was disgusting, which it obviously wasnt!

lionheart · 10/10/2013 19:03

Whatever the cost, it was a horrid thing to do.

Tailtwister · 10/10/2013 19:10

I would have said to your 'friend' that if they needed to google the cost then they clearly know fuck all about wine! Maybe they should use some of their spare time to go on a course or something.

Joking aside, you're always going to get this kind of pack mentality within a group of women. It's partly why I deliberately avoid women only social gatherings, they always end up with bitchy behaviour.

See it for what it was OP. A group of bored women who have had too much to drink and have little else to do apart from bitch about the 'new girl'. Very school playground, but tbh I wouldn't expect anything else.

pigletmania · 10/10/2013 19:15

They would be lucky with a £4 special offer wine from AsdA, I would have not have wasted such expensive wine on the likes of them

nkf · 10/10/2013 19:21

Just checked in. I too wanted to know if it was cheap or expensive. Their behaviour is weird, but then I find most FB related behaviour weird.