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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that they googled the price of the bottle of wine I bought to the Mum's social?

349 replies

LovelyVerity · 10/10/2013 16:19

DS has just started primary school. As I work full-time, I've never had much opportunity to meet other local mums, though I know some of them to nod to. Last Friday, one of the mothers organised a social (bring a bottle) at her house and invited all the P1 mums.

It wasn't the best evening for me - I only had 5 minutes to change as I was late back from work, and felt a bit of a mess. Everyone seemed to know each other and made no effort to include me, and one woman had this pointed conversation about how easy one child was - I don't find it easy :( I bought a bottle with me (obviously) - just grabbed quickly from the rack at home. I was given a glass of something I didn't like much - but obviously I didn't say that!! I was driving, so I only had the 1 glass.

Anyway, one of the mums I know slightly through work told me that after I had left a few of the mums there were pretty smashed and googled how much my wine cost. Apparently they have been posting silly comments about it on facebook all week - and it is "the" in-joke of the moment.

Is this normal behaviour? Am I being silly to feel so upset about this? DS seems to have settled well into school, but I can't help think that maybe it was a mistake to send him there if this is how the MOTHERS behave!

OP posts:

noddyholder · 11/10/2013 19:16

They sound dreadful

noddyholder · 11/10/2013 19:18

£30 is a lot not in restaurant but I think the FB stuff is terrible why do people do this?

BeeMom · 11/10/2013 19:27

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses, but the few I did see that recommended staying away from this group was right on... to a degree.

These are the same ones who were the "mean girls", the psychological bullies, in school. Chances are, they are teaching their children by example. Keep your ears open to indications of that sort of behaviour showing up in the children at school. The physical bullying is horrid, but psychological bullying is soul destroying.

Do not engage them, but don't detach, either. They will find another target in short order.

As for their behaviour - reprehensible. Bullying fuelled by drink is that much worse - as it removes the "censors" and gives you an indication of the real personality and pack mentality.

These are the same sort of unmentionables who will make a malicious child protection accusation, just to sit back and watch you writhe....

Steer clear - keep yourselves and your DCs safe

K8Middleton · 11/10/2013 19:30

Yes that was sort of my point kontinka. Chickpeas aren't posh. I was referencing a thread from last year where the op had indirectly been told off in the school newsletter for including exotic items like chickpeas

I can't find the thread now though. Might have been in chat.

Ooh I like rice pudding Vilalndra. Thanks for the tip.

BeeMom · 11/10/2013 19:38

And with regard to the price of the wine - you who are sneering at the fact that it was costly are no better than the liquored up botches at the gathering.

I don't drink much wine, but always have a rack full, as we host a couple of neighbourhood "everyone is invited" open house gatherings a year (DH jokes that it is to restock the wine rack). Nearly all the guests bring a bottle or two of wine or spirits, or flowers, although we don't ask for anything. I have been known to grab a bottle from the rack and take it to someone else's house, too. I don't know what each one costs - I just get something I think the hosts will like.

I once inadvertently took a naice bottle to a friend's house who is quite the connoisseur. He knew what it was, I didn't.

We still laugh about it.

Does the OP have to be apologetic that she had the means not to flip out at or notice the price?

kotinka · 11/10/2013 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JRmumma · 11/10/2013 20:00

Bee - hope my post didn't come across as sneery, i was just commenting that the price of a bottle makes no odds to me, you either like it or you don't IMO. Unless you KNOW wine i suppose...

kotinka · 11/10/2013 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowlie · 11/10/2013 20:57

I tend to think of everyday wine being under £10, you can get a pretty descent wine in majestic for around £8 and something a bit more special above this.... usually around £20-30, we don't avoid the teens though, it's just a sliding scale of loveliness.

noddyholder · 11/10/2013 21:01

Now and again someone in my bookgroup brings a decent bottle of wine left over from a special party or something and everyone is delighted

Flatiron · 11/10/2013 21:31

After managing to plough through this thread - unbelievable!
The goings-on at the 'social', I mean.

CaptainUndercrackers · 11/10/2013 21:38

Ugh, sometimes MN is a hellish place. OP, those women were being bitches although they probably didn't mean any harm, just got carried away. The woman who told you was stirring and should probably be avoided. I don't think you were showing off, and even if you were, fucking hell it's hardly the crime of the century is it? This hatred of show-offs is such a peculiarly British (maybe just English?) attitude and so horrid.

OwlCat · 11/10/2013 21:43

OP, you sound lovely It sounds like jealousy to me and that you make them feel inadequate. Just be yourself, don't try to change how you are for them, they're not worth it.

kotinka · 11/10/2013 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Donkeyok · 11/10/2013 22:08

Love K8 such good advice
and Octobernights 'should of rocked up with a 6 pack and a pork pie'

You will meet other decent mums at the school, just be glad for a quick and cheap investment of £30 you found out who they were (saves you trying with them now).

ArbitraryUsername · 11/10/2013 22:58

I haven't really encountered any of this school playground weirdness that seems so common on MN.

DS1's been to several schools and the parents in the first lot avoided me (they looked down on me for being young, having had him at 19), the parents that actually got their kids to school on time at the second school were lovely and normal, and at subsequent schools he was old enough to drop and run (and went to after school club).

DS2 has started reception and everyone seems perfectly normal as far as I can tell. Maybe I'm just naive and unobservant. Or it's just that I drop and quickly head back home to work. I'm disappointed that no weird stuff seems to happen. Or, perhaps, they're all talking about me as the playground weirdo once I leave. It seems unlikely; I'm not that interesting!

Maybe I should join the PTA. If MN is to be believed it must be a hotbed of intrigue and excitement. I doubt it though.

PumpkinGuts · 12/10/2013 12:29

All of you who spend 7-12 on a bottle. Would you really only bring a 2 pound bottle if you went to someone's house in a poorer area.? eraror..... So how off" ?

PumpkinGuts · 12/10/2013 12:30

So not to show off? Bloody phone

Flatiron · 12/10/2013 12:50

I wouldn't deliberately take a mega-cheap bottle - cheaper than I normally drink, that is - to anyone who had invited me to their house. But I wouldn't be above sending in a cheap bottle of plonk for a tombola or raffle, I'm afraid.

Speaking of cheap wine, PumpkinGuts, £2 a bottle? Ooh, where?!

LittleBairn · 12/10/2013 12:53

bisjo what absolute rubbish as a Scottish Nanny I can assure you that there are plenty in Scotland and none of us are looking after Royalty and the families I've worked for often have children attending state schools.

BloodiedGhouloshes · 12/10/2013 13:45

The chickpea thread was the lemon drizzle thread which is now in Classics I think.

I have been on MN too long.

OP- avoid the bitches and watch your back. People like that are toxic and grey of spirit. Avoid the grey people as my DFather always says.

BeeMom · 12/10/2013 14:07

JRmumma - not at all... I was referring to those accusing posters of "closet boasting".

I am a pauper... poor as dirt. All wine is expensive to me. It is what it is.

However, not everyone is in my shoes, and I respect that everyone has their "price point". The "boast" is found by the reader, not implied by the writer, but then the writer is accused of elitism and all sorts of foolishness ensues.

It seems to be a spectator sport (or maybe audience participation) on MN...

ArbitraryUsername · 12/10/2013 17:21

I've decided to buy wine in Aldi these days (I make special trips to buy chickens, their fake choco leibnizes , dishwasher tablets and wine). I'd be willing to take both the wine and the fake choco leibnizes around anyone's house! I'd probably leave the dishwasher tablets at home though.

Pagwatch · 12/10/2013 18:01

I like wine and we spend a bit on it but tbh I have no interest in the label if it tastes nice.
Dh has clients in Italy, France and Australia and gets sent cases of relly lovely stuff but he has to put the 'good stuff' on particular shelves or I just open it.

My mum was over once and I opened some wine. She's a great old lush and I was topping mine up with sparkling water. Dh walked in and his eyes rolled all the way back in his head but he didn't say a word. Really really expensive

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