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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that they googled the price of the bottle of wine I bought to the Mum's social?

349 replies

LovelyVerity · 10/10/2013 16:19

DS has just started primary school. As I work full-time, I've never had much opportunity to meet other local mums, though I know some of them to nod to. Last Friday, one of the mothers organised a social (bring a bottle) at her house and invited all the P1 mums.

It wasn't the best evening for me - I only had 5 minutes to change as I was late back from work, and felt a bit of a mess. Everyone seemed to know each other and made no effort to include me, and one woman had this pointed conversation about how easy one child was - I don't find it easy :( I bought a bottle with me (obviously) - just grabbed quickly from the rack at home. I was given a glass of something I didn't like much - but obviously I didn't say that!! I was driving, so I only had the 1 glass.

Anyway, one of the mums I know slightly through work told me that after I had left a few of the mums there were pretty smashed and googled how much my wine cost. Apparently they have been posting silly comments about it on facebook all week - and it is "the" in-joke of the moment.

Is this normal behaviour? Am I being silly to feel so upset about this? DS seems to have settled well into school, but I can't help think that maybe it was a mistake to send him there if this is how the MOTHERS behave!

OP posts:
Spookey80 · 10/10/2013 19:30

Oh my. It's so sad isn't it, my dd has just started reception too and it feels to me like I'm back at school myself a bit sometimes. I kinda felt like I did school, then went and grew up, developed my own sense of self and now I'm back to school again, wandering am I being friendly enough? Does she like me? Am I out of all the conversations? It's madness, I'm a grown women!
My plan is to keep out of it all and as I work part time I only have to do it a few times a week.
Leave those sad, sad women to it, you're better off without them! Honestly.

Original poster
LovelyVerity · 10/10/2013 20:09

Thanks everyone

Northern Lurker - I am very positive about the school, so I can't think that anyone would take offence at anything I have said. My husband would like our son to initially attend a private school in the city - it takes me nearly an hour to get into town, and I think that is an unreasonable journey for a 4 year old, and I am even less keen on the Boarding school he favours next! I am very positive about the school - I was educated in the State sytem myself, and I think it would be better to give our child a carefree childhood.

My husband has had no contact with anyone at the school. I've rarely been there myself as our nanny does drop offs and pick ups.

I will just have to hope it wasn't meant too nastily - and carry on. Thanks for all the clever suggestions - but I think I will ignore it and pretend it didn't happen.

OP posts:
Igloofornow · 10/10/2013 21:22

A carefree childhood Hmm

State school does not guarantee a carefree childhood...

is this a wind up?!

Bowlersarm · 10/10/2013 21:48

Now I can see why you might have annoyed them.

Your DH would like a private education for your DS so you can clearly pick and chose, but you like the local school because 'I think it would be better to give our child a carefree childhood' Confused

And they never see you or your DH, just your nanny.

No wonder they googled your wine.

Trills · 10/10/2013 21:56

I think K8 has the right idea of what is likely to have happened.

BlackberrySeason · 10/10/2013 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 10/10/2013 21:58

Just because op has an affluent background does not mean she should be a source if ridicule. I am sure that she did not go in there Talking about private over state schools and nanny. She might not have had a cue abut hw much the wine costs, se just grabbed it and ran, I would not have a clue how much our wine costs as dh buys it, or we're given it fr Christmas etc. some of you sound as bad as those women, why are some mumsnetters against those doing well fr themselves, why does it have to be woe all the time!

MavisG · 10/10/2013 22:01

A childhood is more carefree if it doesn't involve 2h commuting each day, makes perfect sense.

Chippy because you're wealthy. Ignore.

Coffeenowplease · 10/10/2013 22:05

Would you like to be my friend OP ? I cant even drink much without feeling pissed. I make a great drunk though so its ok !

frumpet · 10/10/2013 22:08

I am still amazed that your wine rack actually contains wine , all the ones i have ever owned were a ecohabitat for spiders . Someone clearly knows their wine , and saw that what you took wasn't simply £5 a bottle , otherwise why bother googling ? Arses the lot of em , apologise next time you see them and say you are frightfully sorry about the mix up , you hadnt meant to take the cooking wine Wink

JenaiMorris · 10/10/2013 22:19

My experience of being a working mother of a child whose classmates overwhelmingly had SAHMs was rough at times

You learn to get over it.

Igloofornow · 10/10/2013 22:23

Piglet, I have no idea how much our wine costs and would just grab a bottle. I am not ignorant enough however to think by sending my DC to the local state school that they will have a carefree childhood!

Chippy because your wealthy.

Morloth · 10/10/2013 22:24

I think you sound lovely OP.

It is however possible I would have googled a particularly good bottle of wine I didn't recognize. I like the good stuff as well, and make no apologies for being able to afford it. I would have looked it up for future reference and possibly commented to other friends on what a good bottle it was.

We have also made a similar decision regarding schools - though we are both on board with that decision.

If the 'tone' of this is mean though, just shake it off. There will be plenty of other people you get on with. You don't have to be friends with people just because your kids attend the same school at the same time.

itsn0tmeitsyou · 10/10/2013 22:28

I think your argument sounds about school choice sounds perfectly reasonable, OP, and some people are being weird now.

If your DH has a private/boarding school background it makes sense that he would be more comfortable with that, but I think what you maybe mean by more carefree is less pressurised, and a wider mix of people from different backgrounds, which is always a good thing for understanding, not sure what other posters are deliberately misinterpreting you for. Sounds like they're being petty and judgemental now they've realised you're quite rich.

Some people jump to conclusions about everything based on minimal information - where you went to school, what your house cost, what your accent is etc., and in my experience judge you as the judgemental one, IFSWIM, when actually it's them making these ill-thought out snap judgements about what they think you think. I don't know if that makes sense. It does in my head. Smile

My experience in school gate politics tells me to tread carefully and slowly with people, until you find out what they're really like. Or don't bother, stick to your existing friends, and just treat school as that, somewhere for your child, not you.

pigletmania · 10/10/2013 22:28

Igloo both have their advantages and disadvantages, and a state school is probably ess pressurised than a private school. That is probably what the op meant!

pigletmania · 10/10/2013 22:30

I totally agree itsnot

justmyview · 10/10/2013 22:34

I'm with K8. Was probably just drunken appreciation at someone bringing quality wine

The Mum who told you was stirring. I'd steer clear of her

And if that really is the "in joke" then their chat sounds deadly dull

Morloth · 10/10/2013 22:35

Yes, funny how the thread changed from:

'What a bunch of bitches, judging you for a cheap bottle' to 'what a show off you are taking a posh bottle'.

The OP's actions haven't changed.

Kithulu · 10/10/2013 22:37

Because the other mothers might have to feed their family for a week on £30? (or not much more) I simply can't imagine having £30 to spent on one bottle of wine.

Igloofornow · 10/10/2013 22:38

Yes piglet, I do hope that is what the op meant, I just wasn't sure on its relevance to the wine story. I do agree they sounds like a bunch of cows, but after reading that post I wondered if the op mentioned her school plans and this got the other mums backs up?

It is strange though, in my social circle it's rare we notice who brought what, the bottles get put on the counter then drunk.

superstarheartbreaker · 10/10/2013 22:42

OP...the sound awful. Do you live n Surrey? I met a woman tonight who moved hee from Surrey and says that couples often google oher couples to check out their income bracket and base their friendships on that. Shock TWATS. Goin to a private school with some of the world's richest kids has gien me a unortunate distrustdislike of th wealthy. Ignore and find some decent mums to hang with.

Pagwatch · 10/10/2013 22:45

I agree with morloth.

When the op was being mocked for taking a £3 bottle of wine , the women were absolute cows. When the op is being mocked for a £30 bottle of wine it's because she's a stuck up cow who provoked them.

Unbelievable double standards on here.

superstarheartbreaker · 10/10/2013 22:45

OP , if you re well off an took an expensive bottle of wine then I don't blame you. They should apprechiate it. Nothing worse than a rich stinge bag.

difficultpickle · 10/10/2013 22:45

I imagine the OP is in Scotland. If she is the only one with a nanny doing the school run then that and the expensive wine will make her appear different to most of the other mums. The only person I know whose nanny does the school run is royalty Grin

Pagwatch · 10/10/2013 22:46

Superstar heartbreaker

I live in Surrey and your friend is talking guff.