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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that they googled the price of the bottle of wine I bought to the Mum's social?

349 replies

LovelyVerity · 10/10/2013 16:19

DS has just started primary school. As I work full-time, I've never had much opportunity to meet other local mums, though I know some of them to nod to. Last Friday, one of the mothers organised a social (bring a bottle) at her house and invited all the P1 mums.

It wasn't the best evening for me - I only had 5 minutes to change as I was late back from work, and felt a bit of a mess. Everyone seemed to know each other and made no effort to include me, and one woman had this pointed conversation about how easy one child was - I don't find it easy :( I bought a bottle with me (obviously) - just grabbed quickly from the rack at home. I was given a glass of something I didn't like much - but obviously I didn't say that!! I was driving, so I only had the 1 glass.

Anyway, one of the mums I know slightly through work told me that after I had left a few of the mums there were pretty smashed and googled how much my wine cost. Apparently they have been posting silly comments about it on facebook all week - and it is "the" in-joke of the moment.

Is this normal behaviour? Am I being silly to feel so upset about this? DS seems to have settled well into school, but I can't help think that maybe it was a mistake to send him there if this is how the MOTHERS behave!

OP posts:
Vivacia · 11/10/2013 07:42

StainlessSteel Honestly, it's not really the point and I'm not sure why you think it's relevant

It is off thread, and I acknowledged as much. I am totally on the OP's side in terms of the AIBU dilemma. However, I have absolutely no experience (beyond Channel 4) of nannies and it's interesting to me.

Pagwatch · 11/10/2013 07:43

The 'what do you and the nanny do all day' line of comments are designed to prove that the op is idle as well as a show off.
£30 wine is all the proof some pople need that she must be a twat.

pianodoodle · 11/10/2013 07:45

Just caught up with whole thread.

They are jealous by the sounds of it. Showing off would have telling them how much it cost when you arrived.

They sound like ignorant bitches.

Vivacia · 11/10/2013 07:45

No they are not Pagwatch. They are to find out what the nanny does all day whilst their child is at school.

pianodoodle · 11/10/2013 07:46

Would have been, even.

pianodoodle · 11/10/2013 07:47

No they are not Pagwatch. They are to find out what the nanny does all day whilst their child is at school

Why?

Vivacia · 11/10/2013 07:48

Why? As I explained above.

Altinkum · 11/10/2013 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 11/10/2013 07:54

Altinkum I felt that this was an explanation: I don't know anything about nannies and am curious to learn more. I'm sorry if you felt that wasn't explanation enough.

quite frankly nothing tondo with this thread or your business!!!

Well, that would count for an awful lot on Mumsnet. However, I can see my question is winding some people up so I'll happily drop it now.

Reality · 11/10/2013 08:04

It's winding people up because it is perfectly normal and reasonable to have a full time nanny, even when children are at school full time they are only there for six hours a day and even then it's only 39 weeks a year.

Aaaaanyway, back to the OP. I think that quite possibly they are totally normal, you are totally normal, your 'friend' who told you about the googling on the other hand is pehaps a stirry cow.

tharsheblows · 11/10/2013 08:05

OP - oh, huge sympathies. It sucks to feel like people are laughing at you; they were clearly being idiots.

Ignoring is good. Do you have a response if someone mentions it to you? If it were me, I'd say "Yeah, I found that kind of strange, hope they enjoyed it!" in a nice slightly baffled way. I mean, act like it was all fine and just something odd that the other women did. I like to have my responses ready when I know there's going to be a tricky situation to try and diffuse it. :)

Reality · 11/10/2013 08:08

Actually I've just re read the op and I#ve changed my mind. I think they are insecure and petty and you shoudl just rise above it.

QueFonda · 11/10/2013 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPMT · 11/10/2013 08:19

I'd try and see it as a silly joke that got out of hand.

I think if they were sneering at a very cheap bottle it would be nastier whereas being "OMG look how expensive that bottle of wine LVerity brought is Shock!" is less downright nasty.

They do sound childish though, including the one who told you.

K8Middleton · 11/10/2013 08:22

Gosh only on Mumsnet do you have to apologise for not being on the breadline. This competitive pooring (which this totally is) is so tedious. It's also fucking rude to those who are poor by giving the impression they are bitter or jealous of other people. That just isn't my experience. I currently live in quite a wealthy area. Relatively low numbers of free school meals, very little social housing, lots of middle class professionals and some very, very wealthy people. I can rarely tell just by looking who is minted and who is comfortable and who is making heat/eat choices because we're all just trying to be nice to each other. My household income is probably about half that of my circle of friends but it just doesn't matter. Because we're not all insecure and petty.

We would however, all be thrilled to find a £30 bottle of wine at a meet up. Lots of "how the other half live" and "wow I'm such a cheap skate with my cava!" jovial comments would be made. But not one would be nasty.

Op I would think you're mad to waste a nice bottle at a meet up because there's almost always something a bit yukky being poured out but I wouldn't hate you for it or vilify you. I might be astonished and yes, your bottle would be a topic of conversation and might even make it on to Facebook Shock Wink but only as a highlight in an otherwise dull day.

I think some people need to get some perspective and have a think about their own behaviour before they start giving credibility to a situation that has probably been over blown and pick on the op for having more than they do. Presumably the op hasn't become wealthy by taking from the poor or selling babies or doing anything heinous so she doesn't deserve the nasty comments here which I bet a £30 bottle are much worse than what actually occurred.

differentnameforthis · 11/10/2013 08:22

No it is not normal behaviour, but it is a reflection on them, not you!

Clumsyoaf · 11/10/2013 08:25

Defo not normal or right - weird behaviour. going back to another thread - next time take a bottle of turps - that will learn them. Bitches.

OrchidLass · 11/10/2013 08:26

Whether the OP has a nanny, gardener, sex slave at home while she works is completely irrelevant and I'm pretty sure that posters are permitted to post about parts of their lives without having to explain every little detail. (The nanny may sit on her arse all day watching JK, its still not relevant to the OP's question). I hate when people try to pick apart the OP under the pretence of 'interest'.

Vivacia · 11/10/2013 08:30

I hate when people try to pick apart the OP under the pretence of 'interest'.

And I don't like it when people ascribe motives to me that are false and probably say more about you than me OrchidLass.

ArbitraryUsername · 11/10/2013 08:39

This thread is depressing. But it's an excellent example of exactly what will have happened at the OP's mum's get together.

It's really sad that people actually believe that grabbing a bottle of wine that you had at home already is 'showing off', regardless what it cost. It seems that some people just want to think bad things about people who have a bit of money.

It doesn't matter whether it's someone's weekly shopping bill, or half of it, or 1/10th of it. These things aren't about showing off how much you earn any more than the nanny picking a child up from school or the wearing expensive clothes. You might be preoccupied with displaying (or not) how much money you have, but that doesn't mean that everyone is. And it doesn't say good things about anyone who is intent on attributing nasty characteristics to someone just because they bought a more expensive bottle of wine than you might have been expecting.

All this bitterness about what other people have (and meanness about wishing you could take it away) is rife on MN (and society in general) at the moment. It is not a good thing. For anyone.

trice · 11/10/2013 08:40

They are being bitchy, but you have unintentionally wound them up by being relatively wealthy and successful.

They are feeling defensive and think you are a snooty cow. It is up to you if you care.

Hold a social at your house and have caviar and champagne served by hoards of staff. Or turn up to sports day in a helicopter. That's what parents at dh's school do.

bringbacksideburns · 11/10/2013 08:43

Why has this turned into yet another commentary on Class and Money?

Yawn...

Rise above it OP. It's not like you absolutely have to see them all the time as you work. No doubt as the years go by you may get friendly with one or two who befriend your child etc but it really isn't worth worrying over. And i'll bet it wasn't EVERYONE googling the price either, probably one or two. I'm not really sure why that woman felt the neeed to tell you but just shrug it off when you see her.

ArbitraryUsername · 11/10/2013 08:45

K8M: I would imagine the FB conversation among the people I know would be of the 'let's make sure we invite LV again' Grin in a playful (rather than grasping) manner.

People have different income levels. And, in a rush, many people don't think about how much the bottle they grabbed from a cupboard wine rack cost in the first place. You need a bottle of wine and you happen to have one so you take it (meaning no need to nip to the shops).

The fact that other people are so desperate to make judgements based on the bottle of wine you bring is quite pathetic really. I can't say I would have even noticed who had brought what bottle. Unless someone had made a memorable entrance with the bottle featuring as the centrepiece of the performance. But only because that's an unusual thing to have happened.

Rubybrazilianwax · 11/10/2013 09:05

My dh hides his beloved bottles of wine in the garage instead of the rack now, as I was the devil for grabbing a bottle randomly from it. The final straw was the £25 chateauneuf de pape I gave to the window cleaner. Dh was not impressed Blush
OP these people sound very silly I would give them a wide berth in furure. Although... and this is not excusing them, people in a group with drink can easily not think. The person who carried the story to you
is actually the one I'd be most wary of.

shewhowines · 11/10/2013 09:08

I can imagine k8m's scenario happening.