To ask you all how to make our mornings easier? DH incapable of timing things correctly

[ICameOnTheJitney]

DH doesn't start work till' 11.00am so he does the school run. I work from home and begin about 9.30. The school is almost 2 miles away through country lanes and they ride bikes. DD aged 9 has her own bike and DD aged 5 is on a tagalong.

Now...I do my bit...I get up first, make the packed lunches and help DDs with clothing and bags....I do their breakfast and hair etc.

DH gets up, spends ages making elaborate toasts (mini gourmet toasts) and then stands in the kitchen eating them while I do the last minute checks with the DDs. Then without fail, we all have a row because he's wasted a load of time and panics and gets grumpy because he's annoyed that one DD can't find her helmet or the other is moaning about her socks or whatever and we all spend the last 5 minutes arguing.

I HATE that he can't seem to get ready on time and he last night admitted he was too slow and said he'd change...he also suggested a good idea which was to stop blurring the lines of which parent was in charge, we'd sort of "hand over" when it came to coat, bag and helmet time....I thought this sounded excellent and tried to do it this morning and he STILL failed to get out for 20 past which is the time we them need to leave.

He always gets annoyed with one DD...whichever one is most grumpy or slow...and I get annoyed because if he wasn't so bloody slow himself, he'd have time to address issues with tight straps or cold hands!

What can i DO???

make the lazy git get up with you and get him to do the packed lunches and the breakfast.

you do the uniform and hair etc.

both do the helmets and coats, one child each.

not be there at all one morning - let him do the whole thing from start to finish. It might make him realize what's involved. I have this a bit with DH. He got up at 5.30 with our early rising 4 yo this morning and let me sleep. which is nice, but when I got up at 6.30 (we leave at 7.20 and also have a 2yoDD) they had breakfasted and played but weren't dressed, washed or had lunches made. He also asks me the whereabouts of clean uniform for DS - why is it my job?
So for you OP, I suggest on one morning, as you work from home, just let him do it and just jump into your cycling gear at 8am. Also, on a more practical note perhaps, have a time line for your DDs (especially the 9yo) about what needs to be done by 7.45, 8am etc. Make it finish at 8.15 so you build in 5 min contingency.
And bin the toaster

Sounds like you have an extra child in there rather than a husband... elaborate toasts? Tell him to have his toasts after he gets home from the school run... weird.

If I were you... I'd go and lock myself in my home office at the time of the handover and just stay the hell out of it. They'll probably still be late but at least it won't be stressful. When the school calls because the kids are always late - stay out of that too... he can deal with it.

My DH manages the morning as well - I do as much as possible the night before (pack dd's bag and find coat/shoes etc) We have a checklist on the back of the front door so he can't forget anything. Though I did text him on my way to work this morning to remind him to find her hat and gloves. He's not normally late anymore - but she's at nursery so if he is late, he's the one that suffers (his boss).

Get him to choose a quicker breakfast! And perhaps he should be more involved in the earlier stages - you seem to do almost everything while he makes gourmet toasts.

I definitely want to hear more about the elaborate toasts.

Why can't he have his elaborate toasts after the school run?

geteverything Inc helmets, shoes clothes and lunches done the night before

and tell your DH he is pathetic?

Say that he needs to sort himself out or you will want to swap roles. He can do the breakfasts/packed lunches etc and you will have them standing by the door ready to go at the right time.

Either that or shove his gourmet toasts where the sun don't shine

His toasts are very important to him He's usually starving so I see he has to eat before cycling but why not have cereal ffs. Instead he toasts about 4 slices of bread....good bread only...then he'll spend time slicing cherry tomatoes for one....he'll arrange them on top of a drizzle of olive oil, salt them....then he'll bite it. Then he'll begin building the next toast...perhaps some tinned fish on that one....another...just peanut butter...then he'll return to his tomato one and bite it....I get STABBY!

I would hand over at 7.30/7.45 and let him get on with it. Or have alternative days where one of you does everything.

Momma I DO arrange it all the night before! Uniform is laid out as are high vis vests and helmets, bags and shoes.

We have similar problems, although not at all a similar routine to you. The only way I have managed it is to very clearly agree who is responsible for what in the morning and stick strictly to that. So for example, I get DCs up and dressed and then hand over to DH who takes then down for breakfast. I also get their stuff ready like bags and shoes. Then I drop one at nursery/school and he takes the other. If he is pissing around on his phone/watching tv/lying in bed and complains that he'll be late, I just say oh dear and leave the house. It's his responsibility to get one child to school and himself up and dressed. It's not that hard (I don't think).

The only hard thing for you is that you work from home - can you just close your office door and let him get on with it?

I am tempted to not appear tomorrow morning. He will be in a mess though and the kids will probably be late....he'll be grumpy...is it fair on the DC when I KNOW he's iincapable?

Suggest he does the whole thing for a week or so and then write down his own routine of what needs to be done when - not just what time you need to leave but what time everyone dressed, everyone eaten etc.

A solution he comes up with himself is more likely to stick than one you provide for him.

Also want to hear about the toast!

Bride I could close the door but the DDs will search for me I know it....they'll want me because they know he's fucking ineffectual!

Sounds delicious.

I think he should have a banana and have his gourmet toasts afterwards.

When we are running late we all have porridge. Although tomorrow, I'm going to have cherry tomatoes on toast.

you could hide the bread. I would. he needs his breakfast indeed!! what a tit head.

Take up a morning run. I find this gets one out of the house at any crucial and awful morning points. (To be fair to Mr Inferior, he does the morning stuff anyway, but it's nice to be out of the way.) Seriously. Remove yourself from the proceedings. Start work earlier. Do piano practice. Sleep in. Leave him to it.

That elaborate breakfast does sound nice tho!

I think I will hide the bread indeed! good plan!

Another bloke putting his own needs and desires above everyone else's... pffffft!

Surely he's got time to fanny about with his really annoying and unbreakfasty sounding toasts when he gets back from the school run? A banana and a coffee should be enough to get a grown man through that cycle ride without expiring surely.

The toasts thing would make me want to LTB

Sorry but I think I would kill him.

This reminds me of the "DH spends ages hiding doing a poo" thread.

He's trying to carve out time for himself and is pissed off that, surprise surprise, it doesn't work. He's being selfish.

Gourmet toasts?!! Man alive.

Oh my word. That's a weekend indulgence, not a school time breakfast.

It doesn't sound as though you're doing your bit. It sounds as though you're doing his bit and your bit!

And the toast sounds bleurgh!

Visual timetable? A time for each stage of getting ready that has to be met.