To ask you all how to make our mornings easier? DH incapable of timing things correctly

[ICameOnTheJitney]

DH doesn't start work till' 11.00am so he does the school run. I work from home and begin about 9.30. The school is almost 2 miles away through country lanes and they ride bikes. DD aged 9 has her own bike and DD aged 5 is on a tagalong.

Now...I do my bit...I get up first, make the packed lunches and help DDs with clothing and bags....I do their breakfast and hair etc.

DH gets up, spends ages making elaborate toasts (mini gourmet toasts) and then stands in the kitchen eating them while I do the last minute checks with the DDs. Then without fail, we all have a row because he's wasted a load of time and panics and gets grumpy because he's annoyed that one DD can't find her helmet or the other is moaning about her socks or whatever and we all spend the last 5 minutes arguing.

I HATE that he can't seem to get ready on time and he last night admitted he was too slow and said he'd change...he also suggested a good idea which was to stop blurring the lines of which parent was in charge, we'd sort of "hand over" when it came to coat, bag and helmet time....I thought this sounded excellent and tried to do it this morning and he STILL failed to get out for 20 past which is the time we them need to leave.

He always gets annoyed with one DD...whichever one is most grumpy or slow...and I get annoyed because if he wasn't so bloody slow himself, he'd have time to address issues with tight straps or cold hands!

What can i DO???

If you hide the bread you are (a) taking charge even more (b) risking him spending ages looking for it. He is being a twit.

I am partial to a gourmet toast myself but tbh you can do Indian scramblies on toast - complete with chopped onion, chopped tomato, green chilli and coriander - in about two minutes flat while the toast's in the toaster. Believe me. (You do need frozen chopped onion for this but that is hardly an obscure ingredient.) Or you can do the same with sardines.

It's a 4 mile ride, not a stage of the tour de france, ffs. Toast and peanut butter would be fine. Ask him if his "toasts"are really more important than not rowing with his family, and his dds having a nice start to their day.

Ooh MI - that sounds lovely. Do you fry to stuff for a bit and then mix in the eggs?

Then would you be able to go out if they'll come searching for you? eg go to the post office for 9am or something? Otherwise be on the phone so you just gesture them to go and find daddy?

I understand you don't want them to be late/shouted at, but if you don't leave him to it, he'll probably keep relying on you. If you were away, he'd manage to get them to school wouldn't he?

My DP gets up for work before us all. Makes breakfast for the kids And leaves it set up on the dining table (just cereal in bowls, juice and a jug of milk), empties dishwasher, wakes up kids who have to get dressed before breakfast (clothes laid out and ready to go so no looking for lost socks etc). I make packed lunches the night before so just need packed in bag (ds does this himself). Once dressed kids eat breakfast, DP brings me a cup of tea in bed and leaves for work. I drink tea whilst kids eat and then showers whilst they play, I then clean their teeth, they get shoes and coats on and I take the, to school. They have set responsibilities as do we. I work from home too and start just after 9. You need set tasks each I think. I highly recommend tea in bed for you.

Ps my kids are 4&6

sorry op but picturing you all running around like blue arse flies while he is painstakingly doing HIS breakfast.

to be honest you need a medal to have NOT kicked him in the bollocks while he bends over the grill.

toastgate!

Just try to persuade him to have some cereal or a banana and have his elaborate breakfast once he has dropped them off!

It is not fair to make kids stressed in the morning, bad start of the day. Maybe, also, aim to leave at 15 past rather than 20 past. This allows for 5 mins of gaffing, finding stuff etc. (it's what I do, I was always in a hurry and now get up 10 mins earlier and aim to leave at 8:10 even though 8:20 would be fine. That way if one needs the loo, loses his socks or whatever, we can cope with it. Being 5 mins early is actually nicer than just-on-time anyway.

Small non-stick frying pan - heat a bit of olive oil, lob everything in together, then stir in an egg vigorously. It's very nice. You can bung the same onion/tomato/etc mix on toast with grated cheese and put that under the grill too, but the frozen onion may be a bit problematic.

Or tell him to do peanut butter with hot lime pickle on toast. Or marmalade with a bit of cheese on the side.

Nothing wrong with a nice breakfast but it doesn't have to take forever.

Reset all the clocks?

I have a (female) friend who struggles to get to school on time despite in theory having plenty of time. After a long chat (she's frustrated by it, like your DH) it was clear that some of it was in the way she thought about things.

So, if she had to leave at 8.20, she wouldn't consider herself to be late until 8.20 came and went - even if at 8.15 no one had had breakfast or got dressed, she wouldn't consider herself to be late.

Setting mini time goals helps. I see no reason why DH can't have his fancy toast, but he needs to work on getting it eaten by 7.45am (or whatever time). Then he needs to be dressed by 8.00 and aim to leave at 8.10. Planning to leave 10 minutes early means that a last minute mishap doesn't stress everyone out. But in similar timings for the DC too - then he knows what you (as in the whole family) are working towards and you don't have the whole "who is in charge" problem.

Our clocks are all 5-10 minutes fast. Of course I know they are fast, but it does make a difference to getting out of the door 'on time'.

Packed lunches made up and refrigerated the night before, so all that's done in the morning is putting them in the actual bag (unless you have room for lunch bag in fridge).

School uniform laid out and things to go outdoors with are put near the front door (book bag, backpack etc). Our dc's helmets are stored with their bikes in the shed so its just a case of putting them on when the bikes come out.

Lay out cups and breakfast bowls with spoons, ready to be filled.

Your dh really, really needs to ditch his gourmet toast. At least until he returns from the school run. I love a good breakfast in the morning. But I tend to have a slice of toast or small bowl of cereal while the dc are eating then do a more substantial breakfast when I get back. Tbh I don't understand why anyone would want a nice breakfast with the chaos and rush of the morning school run looming. Far better to enjoy it with a cuppa and the paper in peace once everyone has left.

Even the nicest toast is not as important as punctuality.

If he doesn't start till 11am, I assume he's not there in the evening? So leave the whole shooting-match to him. My partner does the morning shift (which is actually pretty light-touch these days but used to be a lot more work) because I'm the one providing supper.

Go out. Start work. Sleep in. The world is your oyster.

He's being a knob, anyway. I assume he has some free time between getting back from the school run and then leaving for work. Surely he'd enjoy his gourmet creations much more if he can have them at a leisurely pace without the chaos.

he sounds like a bit of a nightmare,my dh takes the kids to school,i get the packed lunches ready and uniforms ironed the night before,and put shoes and coats by the door and bags and scooters in the car.i also get bowls,spoons and cereal on the table,it makes it easier in the morning,we both make sure the downstairs is decent too,it makes it so much easier.

You should definitely leave the whole thing to him BTW. There's no physical reason he can't, is there?

My mornings are lacking a certain something and now I know it is elaborate toasts!!! But I am organised enough to fit it all in.

Can you start work early for a week and simply step aside and leave him to it?

Or if you have to treat him like a child and get involved, then a list of all things that must be done BEFORE the toasts? DD is allowed to draw, watch TV or whatever in the morning BUT ONLY after the essentials have been covered and she is ready to walk out the door. (Which means she NEVER watches TV in the morning, but is usually ready without too much nagging or last minute scrambles -she is 5)

Essentially mornings work well on when they are built on good habits which take into account essentials and priorities. He has got his priorities all wrong - either eat a banana and have toasts when he gets home OR cover the essentials first and plan the morning so there is enough time for breakfast.

(adds fancy bread, cherry tomatoes and an interesting cheese to shopping list)

The answer is that he gets all the helmets/coats and bike equipment ready the night before. You could get the uniform and sandwiches ready the night before.

I think you should aim to leave 5 mins early. Of your DH can't eat his breakfast in time, he should just have a cup of tea and a banana, then eat his proper breakfast after 9 and after the school run.

We set an egg timer in the morning to go off at specific times

7.00 everyone up and changed
7.30 breakfast
8.00 teeth, hair, face wash, coats on, shoes on
8.15 leave

1. Step back - tell your dh that at x time, you are handing over to him. I would make it MUCH earlier than coat/bag time in order to stamp out his insane toast thing, & make him responsible for himself, but that's maybe my issue.

Then do. Don't rush in at the last minute, don't tell him off if they leave late, just absent yourself. If the dd's come to you, tell them to go ask daddy. He will work it out on his own - or he won't - but either way, it ain't your problem anymore.

1. And/or, set some time goals (which imo should be managed by your dh not you) - in our house, my two know they need to be eating breakfast at x time; brushing teeth by y time, doing their bags at z time, and IF they are ready in time, they then get ipad time. But ONLY once they have coats & bags (& helmets for yours) laid out, plus bags ready. That means that the potentially stressy element happens 10 mins BEFORE leaving time, and if things aren't ready, all they miss is their screen time.

Well that's the plan. Of course 2 mins before leaving time dd needs to change her HORRIBLY itchy tights, or ds remembers today is the day for bringing in a Tudor vegetable medley or summat, but still, it's a plan....

Oh FGS. What a tit. Tell him to get up at 7, get the girls ready wih you, have his elaborate toasts and then he has plenty of time for helmets etc. he's being daft and selfish now not getting up in time, leaving you to do everything and then being cross with the girls as a result of his own poor time management.

In this house we save any elaborate breakfasts (don't really do too elaborate anyway) for the weekends. On weekdays it has to be a fairly quick bowl of cereal, perhaps followed by a quick slice of toast and butter if they are still hungry.

Maybe he is relying on you a little too much. Leave him to it. It might be the only way he learns. If he has them late for school then HE will have to explain to the teachers that it was not his fault, it was his elaborate system of toast.

I do packed lunches and drinks in fridge the night before. Dh gets up about an hour before me. He does breakfast for kids, folds washing and loads/unloads the dishwasher and then gets the kids dressed (I get clothes out the night before). I come down at 7.30. We pass on the stairs. He gets into cycle gear and leaves for work at 7.50. I take dcs (who are dressed and ready) to school at 8.25. So they have time to potter before.

I want the elaborate toasts now!

OP, can't you go out, for a run, a fake meeting, whatever and just leave him to it? I think going up to your office won't help as the DD's will still come and find you. Just get out of the house.

Announce you're taking up running or something - anything - so you will be leaving at X o'clock. He's only doing this because he knows you'll step in to help, because you don't want the DCs to be late.

Just let it play out without you.

wake him up earlier. (if he can not take responsibility for himself.)

ask him how he proposes to improve his system that did not work.

change the clocks.

write a list of what needs to be done by when.

ex thought we were not late until the ctaul time of arrival hd pssed. he could not understand that if we set off with half n hour to go and an hours journey that we were late. drove me batty.