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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My employer wants me to work away for a few days

238 replies

Missfloweryname · 07/10/2013 09:12

Hi, I am going back to work part time after having my DS. Once a year there is an event which involves working away for a few days. It's not mandatory but it's expected. Two of the 3 day event are my working days so I am expected to go. I would be a 2-3 hour drive away and I don't feel comfortable driving on the motorway so I would probably have to use public transport if I went. But basically I don't want to go!! Working 9-5 3 days a week is one thing but to be hours away from home and stay away over night is too much I think! My priorities are different now and I would hate to be that far away from my DS who would only be 11 months old at the time!! Going back to work is bad enough but we need the money. Am I being un reasonable not wanting to go? Or is it unreasonable them expecting me to go now I'm a mum? I would be grateful for your thoughts on this :-)

OP posts:
stowsettler · 07/10/2013 09:14

I'm afraid I think YABU. Once a year is not a lot, and you appear to know exactly when it is, so can plan to be away.
Isn't there someone you can get a lift with?

mirai · 07/10/2013 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowery · 07/10/2013 09:15

Once a year, for 2-3 days, planned well in advance so you have plenty of warning?

YABU.

stella69x · 07/10/2013 09:16

Be grateful for the break. 3 days of no housework and only yourself to look after, bliss

flowery · 07/10/2013 09:16

Oh, and do you really think they shouldn't expect anyone who happens to be a parent to go?!

SilverApples · 07/10/2013 09:17

YABU.
Perhaps this isn't the job for you.

Longtallsally · 07/10/2013 09:18

It doesn't sound unreasonable, though I would have found it very hard too. Are you on your own, or do you have someone reliable who could look after your baby for you - and start spending more time with him now, ahead of the event?

You will find the first year v hard, but make the most of it - long baths, adult company, no housework for 3 days. By next year, you may well be looking forward to it!

gindrinker · 07/10/2013 09:18

If its 2-3 hours away you can come back each evening. Long days but if you don't want to stay?

I'd go for 2 nights of sleep in a hotel without interruptions.

noblegiraffe · 07/10/2013 09:19

They are not unreasonable in expecting you to go. If you were a dad you wouldn't have thought twice.

If you are still breastfeeding you can use that as a reason not to go but 'I don't want to be away from my baby' probably won't go down well.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn · 07/10/2013 09:19

Sorry YABU, it's once a year and I'm sure many of the other attendees are parents. My work also has an event once a year fri-sun in a hotel hundreds of miles from home, I had to go when DD was 8mo. It's just one of these things that you suck up if you want to work and be a parent, I don't expect any special allowances.

mamayaya · 07/10/2013 09:19

Think you're stressing too much. It will be fine!

Chippednailvarnish · 07/10/2013 09:19

Yabvu.

Your DS won't even notice.

HollyGoHeavily · 07/10/2013 09:19

YABU, it's part of the job, it's once a year, most of it is on your normal work days and you've got loads of notice to sort out childcare. Of course you should go!

Unexpected · 07/10/2013 09:20

YABU for a ONCE a year event! Your ds may be 11 months this year when you are away but next year he will be nearly 2. A few years after that he will be at school! When you go back to work, your priorities will indeed have changed but you will also be more dependant than ever before on a bit of goodwill from your employer when (and it will be when, not if) your ds is ill on one of your working days, your childcare falls through, you have to leave early/come in late because of medical appointments/nursery evening whatever. It works both ways and showing willing to attend this event should help when you have to call on your employers to be flexible for any of the above reasons - or any of the other things that come along and blindside you as a working parent!

PetiteRaleuse · 07/10/2013 09:21

Yabu, but i understand you not wanting to go. I think you'll have to suck it up and see it as a break for yourself (positive spin) though you will miss him.

frostyfingers · 07/10/2013 09:21

Personally I'd grab the chance of a bit of "me" time for 3 days. You don't have to be with your baby 24/7, sometimes a break is good for everyone. Will you be leaving the baby with your partner? If so, it's good for them too.

You're wondering if they are BU because you're a mum, but if you were excluded from something for the same reason I bet you wouldn't be happy.

Ragwort · 07/10/2013 09:21

YAB totally U.

Presumably you did this before you had your child, why should your employer make an exception for you?

Most people would be delighted to have a break away Grin - perhaps you are not in the right job.

SavoyCabbage · 07/10/2013 09:21

Yabu. Lots and lots of people have to go away for work. And it's only once a year and its only 2-3 hours away.

Why not book yourself one of those motorway driving lessons to get a bit more confident.

LadyGoodman · 07/10/2013 09:21

Sorry I think yabu too it was part of your job pre children it would be unreasonable to expect u now to be exempt from it. It's not a new requirement nor short notice so u can plan for it.

I can understand not being keen but expecting to not be asked to do it yabu

YoureBeingADick · 07/10/2013 09:22

You dont sound like a very keen member of the team tbh. I get that you priorities have changed but you employers' havent- they still require someone to do the job you signed up for and if you arent comitted to holding up your side of the deal then i think you should consider taking a job that doesnt require any away time. Be fair to everyone.

MrsOakenshield · 07/10/2013 09:23

sounds lovely, staying in a hotel being waited on hand and foot. And it'll be lovely for your DS to have some Daddy time, DH loves it when I'm away, he loves it being just him and DD.

It's part of your job, once a year. I have no idea how many parents there are at your company but a fair few I would think - are they all asking not to go?

WestieMamma · 07/10/2013 09:24

I don't think your employer is being unreasonable in expecting you to go but I also don't think you're being unreasonable in not wanting to go. My DS is only 6 months old and although in theory the idea of 2 nights without being woken sounds like heaven, in reality I wouldn't want to do it either.

cupcake78 · 07/10/2013 09:24

Yabu. I will go for you Grin. 3 days away from home on my own, expenses paid! What's not to love?

Go, enjoy it! I know if I could go (run) away at the moment I really really would.

flowery · 07/10/2013 09:24

What are you actually concerned about OP? What's wrong with being a couple of hours away from home, and what's wrong with staying overnight? I mean, what is it about those things that's bothering you?

Do you have reason to believe something will happen that will require you to return home quicker than a couple of hours?

Does your DS not settle to sleep for anyone else?

If you can tell us what your concern is I'm sure people can think of ways to address it before you go as it sounds like you have plenty of time.

MadeOfStarDust · 07/10/2013 09:25

if you don't want to go just say so - most employers are not big nasty dictators..

if it is EXPECTED that you will go, then you are showing willing if you DO go, but unless it is part of your contract, then it is not compulsory....

I don't go away with my PT work - BUT - I made it clear at my interview from the start that I would not be willing to go away (I care for my MIL at home) my boss has ASKED if I would go, but I have said no, and reminded them I was not willing.. (boss said "just thought I'd ask - no problems")

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