To inform this woman of her cheating shit of a husband, WWYD??

[totellornot]

Long time lurker, occasional poster but have NC for this.

Two people who are employed buy my DH and I have started a relationship, not a problem in itself from a work POV as it has not had a impact there, however the man in question has a wife.

This relationship is known to a very large portion of people who work with the people in question and they have all been asked to keep quiet as the wife is dirty, lazy, uninterested in her husband blah blah blah, all said, I believe to try and justify this affair.

They are apparently planning on telling the wife, moving in together to start their perfect life together in 5 months time JUST AFTER THEY HUSBAND HAS BEEN GRANTED INDEFINITE LEAVE TO REMAIN as he was on a spouse visa first, they married and he was granted another visa for a couple of years and he will now get indefinite leave IF he and his wife are still married and living together and can prove that.

This woman has no clue what is coming, it is such an odd and tense atmosphere when she pops in. As she works nights the husband spends the night with this woman a lot and she seems oblivious to what is going on and last time I spoke to her she mentioned that she wants to start a family next year.

My DH said to leave it- we employ them for their skills and experience not the direction of their moral compass, but an anonymous text from a 99p sim card (I have her number as she gave it to me a while ago) telling her whats going on, will of course bring devastation to her life but without the life long feeling of being used for a passport and the injustice she will feel if it is granted.

If it was me I would rather find out/be told before the person was granted the indefinite leave than after so I would know that even though I have been used they never actually got what they wanted and have to start again, face the questions of the home office will ask (as obviously trying to get a visa) or face deportation.

WWYD?

If it were my dh, I'd want to know.

I'm not a shoot the messenger type either, I'd thank you.

What is your company s rules about fraternizing? If they violate it fire them.

I would want to know. I would be devastated, yes, but also humiliated that I'd been popping into a workplace full of people who knew what was about to happen to me, who lied to my face and hid the truth. Absolutely humiliated.

Do it. I would.

Another vote for tell the wife. She's being used here in more ways than one and if this were me I'd be horrified that people knew and didn't tell me what was coming.

I'd want to know.

I would absolutely tell her. What a cunt he is.

I would want to know asap.

I would be seriously pissed off with everyone if they all knew that only was he having an affair but that they knew he was using me for a visa - FUCK THAT.

You could possibly gain a new friend for this.

As a business owner I'd be pretty angry if DH risked me losing an employee because he was having an affair. Yes, the wife deserves to know but not at the cost to a business that probably pays the OPs mortgage.

I guess it comes down to whether your sense of ethics are absolute. Mine aren't, my priority is protecting my home and family.

Tell her. I don't normally advocate that either but under the circumstances you describe I would most certainly find a way to let her know.

I'd say tell her and that's without the moral implications of the visa.

I'd want to know as well, but you don't even know any of the people involved, and that makes me wonder why you'd involve yourself so much.

If it was a friend I could understand going through agonies over what to do, but you don't know for sure what's going on or what she knows.

I could understand if you did tell her, but it just seems a bit interfering and not in a good way.

Tell her. Definitely.

Tell her. She deserves to know.

The right thing to do is to tell her. No question.

I would want to know but I don't think an anonymous text is the way to go about it. She needs actual proof so her husband cannot deny it and squirm his way out of it. You would need to tell her yourself IMO.

Tell her. He's just using her, and its horrid that shes going to be the last person to know.

Tell her.and shop him to the authorities.

Tell the poor woman. The life she's living is a lie.

I hear what you're saying about skills and experience etc but allowing their affair to become public knowledge within the organisation and expecting their colleagues to be complicit in their lie is extremely unprofessional imho.

You do not know the wife's situation and anything about her really. You don't know what impact it will have on her and what support she will have when this comes out. How will you give her the news anonymously and then ensure she does not break down if she has no one to turn to?You just don't know these people enough to involve yourself.

I think she deserves to know in this situation. But not via anonymous text. Tell her properly and gently. If you strongly feel this is the right thing to do then you just be prepared to do it Openly and stand by the consequences of doing so.

I'd want to know. The affair is bad enough, but finding out I'd been used for a visa on top of that would really fuck me off. The affair has happened, but you can let her prevent him using her for a visa if she wants.
If I found out if been used for a visa and other people could've stopped that happening it would make it so my h worse.

If he loses his visa and therefore his job with you how much would that impact you? If you can afford to lose him tell her, if you need him to work still for you be selfish and don't tell her.

I would tell her because of the visa thing

It's just so nasty intending to screw someone over for the next 5 months.