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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To inform this woman of her cheating shit of a husband, WWYD??

177 replies

totellornot · 04/10/2013 15:52

Long time lurker, occasional poster but have NC for this.

Two people who are employed buy my DH and I have started a relationship, not a problem in itself from a work POV as it has not had a impact there, however the man in question has a wife.

This relationship is known to a very large portion of people who work with the people in question and they have all been asked to keep quiet as the wife is dirty, lazy, uninterested in her husband blah blah blah, all said, I believe to try and justify this affair.

They are apparently planning on telling the wife, moving in together to start their perfect life together in 5 months time JUST AFTER THEY HUSBAND HAS BEEN GRANTED INDEFINITE LEAVE TO REMAIN as he was on a spouse visa first, they married and he was granted another visa for a couple of years and he will now get indefinite leave IF he and his wife are still married and living together and can prove that.

This woman has no clue what is coming, it is such an odd and tense atmosphere when she pops in. As she works nights the husband spends the night with this woman a lot and she seems oblivious to what is going on and last time I spoke to her she mentioned that she wants to start a family next year.

My DH said to leave it- we employ them for their skills and experience not the direction of their moral compass, but an anonymous text from a 99p sim card (I have her number as she gave it to me a while ago) telling her whats going on, will of course bring devastation to her life but without the life long feeling of being used for a passport and the injustice she will feel if it is granted.

If it was me I would rather find out/be told before the person was granted the indefinite leave than after so I would know that even though I have been used they never actually got what they wanted and have to start again, face the questions of the home office will ask (as obviously trying to get a visa) or face deportation.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Bunnyfuller · 04/08/2017 20:05

He's using his wife to get uk residency. Tell her and shop him. What a bastard. UK Immigration/overstayers.

Guepe · 04/08/2017 20:06

I really hope she didn't, she was their employer. Sounds like a constructive dismissal case waiting to happen.

Bunnyfuller · 04/08/2017 20:07

And if you don't tell immigration, and it comes out you know.....

Bunnyfuller · 04/08/2017 20:08

And yeah, he will throw you and anyone else under the bus

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/08/2017 20:11

Well it was 4 years ago, so I guess whatever happened wasn't that exciting.

SunshinenSparkles · 04/08/2017 20:13

The 'husband' is cruel and vindictive to take someone's life and fuck it like this. I wonder how long this poor woman has believed she was in a loving relationship with someone who wants a lifetime and family together.

To do this is bad enough but to flaunt it by openly shagging a co-worker and making rather public plans to shack up together is disgusting.

Its enough to make you wonder what kind of woman would want to be a part of his agenda. I couldn't give a shit if it was Johnny Depp....you couldn't pay me to sleep with any man that was capable of this fuckery.

Tell her OP, let her get a kick in and move on with her life with her chin up xx

SunshinenSparkles · 04/08/2017 20:15

Well it was 4 years ago, so I guess whatever happened wasn't that exciting.

Shit I didn't even look at the post date lmao woopsie :P

user1497997754 · 04/08/2017 20:16

Def tell her..she is being used....that is really not fair....we women need to stick together ....how would you feel if it was you....he doesn't deserve any sympathy whatsoever....he is abusing her trust...give me the number and I will text her...

Winotimo · 04/08/2017 20:17

I understand you want to tell her. Of course you would we all would, but at the end of the day, she is not your friend...
You don't know what she does or doesn't know and if this is very hush hush it could come right back to you.
I would be very wary.
You have to weigh up what would happen with your own family If it did all land on you. She may not leave him and then the working animosity could be immense.

BewareOfDragons · 04/08/2017 20:20

Please, please, please tell her ASAP. She is probably spending a fortune on the visa applications; they aren't cheap! And wasting time getting ready to jump through all sorts of hoops at the Immigration Office to keep this lying scumbag in the country ... so he can leave her high and dry once he has the stamp. And god forbid she becomes pregnant in the meantime, thinking all is well.

She deserves to have all the information about him. And so does immigration: he is applying fraudulently.

Abra1d · 04/08/2017 20:21

JUST AFTER THEY HUSBAND HAS BEEN GRANTED INDEFINITE LEAVE TO REMAIN

Calculating and nasty. I don't want people like him in the country. Tell on him.

MollyHopps · 04/08/2017 20:21

THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD - THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD -

Abra1d · 04/08/2017 20:21

JUST AFTER THEY HUSBAND HAS BEEN GRANTED INDEFINITE LEAVE TO REMAIN

Calculating and nasty. I don't want people like him in the country. Tell on him.

MollyHopps · 04/08/2017 20:22

Sorry MN. But it is a zombie thread.

Flutteringkites · 04/08/2017 20:22

Please tell her. One of my very good friends was once the wife in this scenario. She wishes someone had told her before it was too late.

Flutteringkites · 04/08/2017 20:23

Bugger. Zombie thread!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 04/08/2017 20:27

💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀
THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD
💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀

greendale17 · 04/08/2017 20:29

I would want to know.

Tell her, tell her, tell her

AwaywiththePixies27 · 04/08/2017 20:44

Tell her, mainly because I bet that visa was granted mainly on the fact she's his spouse and he thinks the world of her apart from when he's shagging someone else on a regular basis.

I was this person by the way OP. Everyone knew my 'D'H was cheating. I just refused to see it.
I've been separated six years now but I wish I'd have been told a lot sooner too.

Be prepared for you to be blamed for trouble causing though and the wife will probably blame the OW for all of it and it's never that poor dicks fault.

BewareOfDragons · 04/08/2017 21:01

Zombie. :(

Now I wonder what happened...

SunshinenSparkles · 04/08/2017 21:45

Me too >_

HellAintABadPlaceToBe · 04/08/2017 22:35

OP please come back and tell us what happened!!!

After 4 years there must be a good update!

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 05/08/2017 11:49

What Hell said...

Frokni · 05/08/2017 12:59

Find a way to lead her there. Sounds tricky but there are ways to tell someone something without telling them directly. You may also have to consider the fact the wife knows and doesn't care?

Redglitter · 05/08/2017 15:22

IT'S A FOUR YEAR OLD ZOMBIE THREAD

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