For followers of the swimsuit stealing MIL...

[fairy1303]

I have worked so hard to get things back on track - to be pleasant but firm.
Things have got better. She has been here a couple of times as a guest only and has not been upstairs.

She invited herself to slimming world.
She has been told by doc to slim as she is borderline diabetic.

We got there - she was incensed that the leader could not put her in touch with a diabetic expert. Literally fuming.
Leader offered to put her in touch with another member following SW diabetics plan.

MIL fuming, been told bad advice etc etc.
I said 'if you can't follow this diet, there is no point you paying, it would be a waste of your money' MIL stews some more.

'No, I don't think i will follow it'

I had to speak to the leader anyway so I told MIL not to worry, I'll have a quick word with Leader and explain that plan is not for MIl.

We leave.

MIL tells me that nobody is fucking taking her fucking seriously and this is a massive life change - I say that I understand how serious it is and am trying to be supportive but no point paying for sw if she can't follow it (doc Han told her to avoid carbs, not eat too much fruit, etc).

I tell her there's no need to get upset, it's not an issue, we will find another way, and anyway, she is doing well on own.

To this I get told I'm an interfering bitch, why do I have to always get involved?!

I tell her to calm down.

I get told she 'always puts up with my moods (being told not to steal my children's clothes), bites her tongue, I'm a rude bitch and a horrible horrible person.' She then kicks me out of her car and tries to drive off with the baby in it. I have to chase after car (massive scene outside sainsburys) and get baby and stuff out.

I was so upset I was nearly sick.

I've just walked the hour home in the rain.

I don't know what to do. DH wants to speak to her but I don't want to exacerbate the situation but honestly I don't even want to see her again - big rows and scenes like that are just not me.

So WIBU to cut her out now for good and just let DH take children round to see her?

I would pick your sd up early and take her somewhere else than swimming and return only at dinner time.
Your dh should tell her to back off.
This is ridiculous. She's really playing the power game now.

If you want to reply to anymore of her vitriol do so with you don't get to dictate what happens and nothing else.

I am thinking about vascular dementia too
www.nhs.uk/conditions/vascular-dementia/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

Aggression and behavioural changes
Depression
Pre diabetic symptoms
Blood pressure changes
Can all present...

Not that it's your problem and you are being heroic and dealing with it marvellously

Could DH encourage FIL to encourage MIL to get full medical check?

Only on page 1 but so incensed on your behalf I'm posting now.

1. well done, you were more than readonable in your behaviour, being pleasant and firm and having her around.

2. OMFG, she did what ??!! Had someone driven off with my baby, I might have killed them there and then with my bare hands

3. as a pp said, big decisions to make, no need to rush. In the meantime, get DH to ring her - NOW - and tell him her how he is disguisted with her behavior. How awful it is, that he and you have some serious thinking to do. That she must not attend DSD swimming tonight If she disregards this, you will leave immeiately with DSD (not her fault, but one off measure to express seriousness to Granny - take DSD for a treat if this happens)

4. take time to calm down, look after yourself and your family. Personally, I'd be cutting all contact for the time being, she could see DC in future if she acts appropriately, and with supervision.

Off to read rest now - hugs to you fairy

I would go and pick dsd up early. The last thing you need is a shown down in the playground in front of her.

So glad you're calling school. DSD doesn't need to be exposed to her grandmother's screaming and losing the plot. It will terrify her (especially as GM did a lot if caring fir her when she was small).

Although she shouldn't be exposed to that, she should definitely should be introduced to the idea that her DGM is "not herself" now. Otherwise, DSD will think GM is ti be trusted, and she can't be.

Evidence of "not being herself" can include things like favouritism/her ignored baby brother, sneaking her clothes out of the house when DSD needs them, tryibg to tidy up for DSD as though sge were a baby...

This, played tactfully, will contrast with a frothing, frightening unfamiliar grandmother and serve to protect your DSD from her.

Also does your DSD actually enjoy swimming? Or is she doing it out of duty towards MIL. Just something to consider.

Also get a call display on home phone. So empowering!
Agree with PP about getting swimming to refund lessons to MIL/deal only with you/DH.

Do not feed trolls - so your txt back is far too long. The shorter version by yellow dinosaur is spot on, and then ignore any other attempts to contact.

Call the school now and tell them she is not allowed to collect DSD and avoid swimming tonight or she'll be there for a show down.

You are doing brilliantly.

Agree with RenterNomad that you need to introduce the idea that your MIL is not well, which is true. It might be a physical cause or that she's unhinged, but she's not well.

Oh OP, I am so sorry about all of this.
So pleased you called school about this: the driving off with your baby and not taking responsibility for it is a very serious, and I do think you need to 'talk to someone' about this, just so it goes on record somewhere. GP/ social worker?
So if she does turn up at school, and you want to dispute her right to pick up DSD, you have incidents on record.
She is behaving appallingly (I though my MIL could be over-bearing at times!), and I think you've had some very good advice here: disengage, she is thriving on the drama. I think is you do allow her to see DSD, it is supervised and with your DH... I would avoid other than big family celebrations and Christmas (what i try and do with mine!)
Good luck: you have been very forgiving and turning the other cheek, but your MiL has crossed a line now, don't you think?

I'm worried that missing swimming will play into her hands 'oh isn't fairy AWFUL DSD - she made you miss swimming!
And 'my DIL is awful - do you know she made DSD miss swimming, something she really loves, because she didn't want to see me!

De lurking to say you are doing brilliantly.

You and your children do not need this drama in your lives and you certainly don't want to pass on suh behaviour to the next generation by exposure to your mil normalising it.

Personally, no matter what the reason, if anyone drove off with my child without me they would not be seeing them without apologising, even with DH. This is, however, your decision for your family. Take care and look after yourselves.

And I'd probably aim to give swimming a miss tonight and do another treat to just give a breathing space from
Mil.

Un-fucking-believable! I read the last thread with bemusement rising to disbelief.

You are doing extremely well OP at maintaining your cool in very trying circumstances but I can't help wondering if now is the time for your DH to take over any discussions with MIL(if he is willing to). I think it's important that she sees that it is not you being a "baddie" but her unreasonable as irrational behaviour that is the problem. For once we have a DH who's happy to stand up to his mother - capitalise on that.

How could it play into her hands? She may well use it to slag you off to other people, but she's already doing that. And she should not ever be allowed unsupervised with DSD so she won't have the chance to say that.

It's one lesson. Do something else lovely with DSD.

I'd also go and collect her half an hour early and take her somewhere other than swimming. I can imagine this woman turning up at the gates and causing a scene.

You don't want her to miss swimming. You want her to miss an explosion which could wreck her relationship with her DGM.

There must be something she loves more than swimming that will let dsd feel as though it's a treat rather than something negative? Cinema? Pizza for tea? Or swimming as a family at a better fun pool?

Or as renternomad suggests take this time to explain to her that granny is not well and she needed to understand this before she saw her again in case any of her behaviour is upsetting. But I wouldn't be doing this without discussing it with your dh.

This is why you bring dsd out for a treat instead - something she would enjoy, meal out, theatre, cinema, bowling whatever. It is Friday night so enjoy it!

There is nothing you can do to prevent your MIL from badmouthing you. Let go of that.

She has just text to say that she will not be at swimming. She has doubt that I will poison DSD and DH into thinking they are terrible grandparents.

I just said - brilliant, in that case I will take her myself complete with smiley face naughty

You could a always take dsd to do something else fun?

i am so shocked that she got you out of her car and drove off with your baby.

WTAF and was going to take your baby home and you 'had to walk'.

OP, really truly please please do not let this woman in your house again. Let dh take DSD and your son to visit her.

Totally dangerous apart from deluded.

Well, you have to come up with a real treat, one good enough to miss swimming for. You'll come up with something.
The alternative is mil turning up at the school or pool and creating a scene.

Better still, could your dh come home early and you all have an outing together? This way he can deal with mil texts and set some boundaries.

You don't want her to miss swimming. You want her to miss an explosion which could wreck her relationship with her DGM.

But I think she gave in too easily. Is there a chance she'll turn up anyway?

I would back off from her completely and not engage in these arguments. Just don't answer her messages and if she speaks to dh make sure he tells her that her behaviour is not acceptable and that you'll be having nothing to do with her until she apologies and changes her ways.

She sounds deranged (and I wrote that on the last thread too).

Have nothing more to do with her. Whatever is causing her 'turns', she sounds dangerous to me now. Trying to kidnap your child?! WTF?!

I also think you have a problem with your husband. If anyone behaved towards me the way she has done to you, my husband wouldn't want us, or the DC, to have anything further to do with them. He needs to man up and tell her where to go.

Make sure the school know she is NEVER to collect DSD and that your house is definitely secure. Even if she gave back keys, I'd bet she has another copy.

Good luck OP.