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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refer to a black man as a black man

574 replies

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 23:55

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:23

Yes. What gangsters said.

This refusal to mention race or colour for fear of being called racist is fucking ridiculous.

Of course his colour isn't all there is to him. The op never said it was. But if that's the obvious feature that differentiates him from the rest of the neighbours and will quickly identify who you are on about to the other neighbour why on earth would you not describe him in this way? Why is this unacceptable but 'the blonde lady' is?

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:26

Yeah those tall people were oppressed for hundreds of years weren't they? Can you seriously not see why that is different to identifying this man only as black?

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:27

When describing one of the boys in ds2's class to df (I was telling him that none of the kids had been given books yet - it's nursery - except this one kid, X')
Cue df 'X? Which one is that?'
Me - 'the little Indian boy'.

Df doesn't really know anyone in ds2's class yet where as i'm quite friendly with a few. I've spoken to the 'little Indian boys' mum quite a bit, hence my knowledge that they are in fact, Indian.

DontPanicMrMannering · 04/10/2013 00:27

Oh Scarlet I've had that in a restaurant "they are BROWN mummy, why are they BROWN? "

Erm so is your daddy and your aunties and uncles and grandparents ffs are you doing this on purpose? Hmm

I have described dh as "the short Asian bloke probably looking lost" before. It's a description that's all!

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:27

It is not racist to mention the colour of someones skin or their ethnic background if you don't use terms considered offensive. Black is just a descriptive term.

It is racist to use this in a derogatory way. The op wasn't. This is a prime example of political correctness gone bonkers.

marriedinwhiteisbackz · 04/10/2013 00:28

Well we refer to people in our road as: baldy man, the Swedies, the Aussies, the Bankers, the Quacks, Mad Cyril and the Scooties (they both have Vespas). Goodness knows what they call us probably the "old Fogeys" Grin.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:29

I had not bought him a present it was a badge I had had for many years and he likes to ride big motorbikes I a gave him a Norton badge .How about that then .he was well chuffed Smile Happy days!

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:29

Of course his colour isn't all there is to him. The op never said it was

Actually, all she has said about him is that he is black.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:31

^^and he rides big motor bikes

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 04/10/2013 00:31

The thing about being 'pc' is sometimes it comes across as ridiculous. OP if you wanted her to know who you were talking about and you described him as 'the black man who lives down the road', so that she would know who you were referring to, then I cant see what the issue is really. It seems relevant. Person of colour = cringe..as a black woman I wonder if Ive ever been described that way?! How strange. A couple of times (mainly outside London tho) talking to elder white people theyve mentioned 'coloured' then gone all embarassed..I understand that its a generation thing I dont take offence at all. I know when something's being said in an offensive way, if it was then Id deal with it. I am now going to ponder 'person of colour' Grin I might try it out in the real world..excuse me can you please refer to me as a 'person of colour' in your dealings with me? Thank You.

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:31

Amber ffs. She used the single most obvious differentiating feature, given that there are no other black men living in the road. She hasn't said there is nothing more about him. That is you extrapolating and making this into something it's not

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:31

Maybe your friend though you could have described him as the 'biker that lives down the rd'?

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:32

Its all about context isn't it. If we have some other description we can use for a person, we should use that as there's more to a person than the colour of their skin. If all we know is their skin colour to identify said person then obviously nothing wrong with using it.

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:32

Yellow no it is not.

34DD · 04/10/2013 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:33

Anyhow there is no need to be horrid and beastly by anybody because nobody is being out of order here .I feel a group hug coming on Grin

OP posts:
ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:34

Yes i decided after the convo to describe him as the biker in future but the horse had already bolted and the damage had been done Grin

OP posts:
Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:34

I agree with Amberleaf, however I have to laugh at OP saying he is the first Black person to move into the street for twenty years. Where the fuck do you live?? Shock

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:35

If we have some other description we can use for a person, we should use that as there's more to a person than the colour of their skin. If all we know is their skin colour to identify said person then obviously nothing wrong with using it

So if a person had two distinguishing factors - for instance, being the only black person in a room full of white people and being the tallest by far in the room.

Because there is another easy distinguishing factor, we should avoid using the word 'black' at all costs?
I'm finding this point of view really, really odd.

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:36

Honestly this sort of attitude drives me nuts. My brother is black. We grew up in a town where he was the only black person. He was often described as 'the black boy' because it instantly let people know who they were taking about. Did he give a shit? Of course he didn't.

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:38

I think the way you said it 'you know the black man that lives there' would have made me feel a little Hmm too tbh. If you had perhaps said 'the black gentleman at number xxx, he did tell me his name but ive forgotten' it just sounds a little... nicer or whatever the word is.

Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:39

As a Black person I am often in situations where I am one of few or the only Black person in the room. However you dont catch me saying on the white guy or the white woman. Usually there are other things I can use to describe the person. I dont think the OP is being prejudiced or racist, I just find it amusing.

Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:40

Yellowdinosour Others may have felt differently that is their perogative

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:40

That's nice for him.

My black brother didn't like being called 'the black boy' because there was much more to him than being black and people that said it rarely had good intentions.

^Because there is another easy distinguishing factor, we should avoid using the word 'black' at all costs?
I'm finding this point of view really, really odd^

That isn't what Im saying at all. I suppose you either get it or you don't.

Slutbucket · 04/10/2013 00:41

I must admit I've heard the term person of colour in the media a lot recently and it always feels wrong. However it has been used to describe everyone who isn't white and an umbrella term. It was in an Obama speech that I was particularly interested when I heard it. However I don't think it is a term specfically used in black culture.

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