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AIBU?

To refer to a black man as a black man

574 replies

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 23:55

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

OP posts:

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YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:10

But if his skin colour is the obvious differentiating factor that means you can readily identify who you are talking about then, imho, it's fucking ridiculous not to describe him as that.

You could just as easily say 'the tall man / the blonde man / the doctor / the really annoying man who puts his rubbish out noisily at midnight / etc' if any of those would identify him as easily / more easily.

But often we use appearance to describe people and if you live in an area where there are not many people of ethnic minorities then ffs it's the obvious thing to use to describe him. In the same way, describing someone as 'the white man' in the Caribbean would easily identify who you were talking about.

Being so sensitive about this is making more of an issue than is necessary imho. When describing someone it is usual to pick out their defining characteristics that are different to others. In this case it's skin colour. So use that!

jacks365 · 04/10/2013 00:10

Shake how would you have described him if he wasn't black? That is what makes it racist because you are not seeing past the colour of his skin.

DaleyBump · 04/10/2013 00:11

I've been referred to as "the white girl" and it honestly didn't bother me one bit. They instantly knew who the guy was talking about. I'm now referred to as "the pregnant woman" because I'm obviously pregnant. It's also not offensive.

DaleyBump · 04/10/2013 00:12

I'm obviously not referred to as "the pregnant woman" when everyone involved knows my name, just to clarify.

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:12

Agree jacks365

ScarletLady02 · 04/10/2013 00:13

But that's like saying if you say "that blonde woman" you're not seeing past their hair colour surely?

When relaying a story or experience, we do it as easily as we can. If he' the only black man on the street, I can't see him being bothered. If all you ever do is call him "that black man" then maybe he might be bothered...but for a one of relaying of information, I see it no different to people saying about me "oh her with the crazy hair"

People see past my hair do they not?

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:14

That is what makes it racist because you are not seeing past the colour of his skin

That's ridiculous.

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/10/2013 00:14

This area is an absolute minefield. Historically, terms which were intended to be objective rapidly became regarded as pejorative, mainly because the underlying attitude of discrimination remained, turning the term into an insult - e.g."coloured". I thought that "black" was, currently, completely acceptable and innocuous.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:14

Amber he did tell me his name but I forgot it

I also wouldn't say that white bloke when all the street are white blokes that live there but if it was a street full of black men wuth one white amn i would describe him as the white man and i'm sure that white man would not be offended aswell as the black fella who lives down the road from me

OP posts:

Brokensoul · 04/10/2013 00:14

It's ok that you described him as a black man ... That what he is but make sure you speak In positive way because if you call him black man and you go to talk bad people can assume you are PI.

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:15

Cross posted with over 20...

Glad to see most of you have the common sense to see this as what it is.

As for the posters who have complained that the op wouldn't have said 'the white man'

Well of course she fucking wouldn't. There is only 1 black man in her street. It would hardly narrow down who she was describing would it?

Hopemore · 04/10/2013 00:15

My 6 year old got in trouble at school because she said the fat dinner lady was fat.

FreudiansSlipper · 04/10/2013 00:17

did the conversation go something like this

you - i gave james a present
neighbour - who?
you - james he lives at number 22
neighbour - i have no idea who he is
you - he is the fireman, he drives a porche
neighbour - still not sure
you - he is a black guy about 5'11 slim

or is he just the black guy get it? there is nothing wrong in describing someone as black but they are not just that

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:17

You must know some facts about him if you know him well enough to offer presents. By facts I mean personal facts, possibly what his ethnicity is or country of origin, or even his name, or door number.

There is nothing wrong with saying black man however I would use it for someone if thats more or less all I know about them. Eg at work if describing a customer to a colleague etc. Customers would tie themselves in knots trying to describe me (Asian) as they didnt know my name. Those that did, used it.

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:18

Am I homophobic because I described the parents of one of ds2's school friends as 'the lesbian couple' to df?

When he was asking who was little Jonny's parent/parents, should I have said 'Oh you know, one is really tall with brown hair and works at the hospital. The other is the one that's always there early, who's quite shy and quiet...oh, you know...she wears a white coat and carries that awful bag...oh come on, you DO know, they're always talking to that other parent at the gates...'

'The lesbian couple?'

Oh. Yes. Them.

Fucking ridiculous.

FreudiansSlipper · 04/10/2013 00:19

sorry just seen you forgot his name

though interested in why you are buying presents for people who name you do not know

ScarletLady02 · 04/10/2013 00:20

I went into a shop earlier and my DD (2) pointed to the worker and said "Mummy look...it's a BROWN man!" All shocked and confused...I'm just thinking "sweetheart, you're best pal is mixed race, stop making me look terrible"

Mentioning skin colour when it has no relevance shows racial ignorance...if it's relevant then there is no racist intent I do not believe.

That said though. I do regularly banter with my friend as she has white and black plates and I accuse her of being racist if she gives me a white plate and her a black plate

It's all good fun friendly banter though

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:20

Scarlet there is a massive difference between hair and skin colour.

People don't see a person as 'just a brunette' they do often see someone as 'just a black man' though.

ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:21

Gangsterslovetodance you say you have said recently 'Little Indian Boy' in what text did you say this expression? How did you know he was an Indian boy?

ps thanks for your support btw

OP posts:

DontPanicMrMannering · 04/10/2013 00:21

Why did you give some bloke who's name you don't know a present?

DontPanicMrMannering · 04/10/2013 00:22

Whose dammit not who's

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:22

Neither is the blonde woman JUST blonde. Or the pregnant woman JUST pregnant.

My ds1 is not JUST tall. Yet that is ALWAYS how he is described by strangers - 'the tall one'. Because amongst his class, the tallest of which comes in a head shorter, his height IS his most distinguishing factor.

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AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:22

I'd love to hear why you bought a present for someone you know so little about.

jacks365 · 04/10/2013 00:23

Shake why did you buy him a present and why tell your friend about it?

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:23

My dniece got into trouble at school for using the word which means white person in our native language. Its seen as a derogatory term on par with paki etc apparently. Some may use it offensively but it isn't a racist word and its still used in songs etc to describe a womans beauty and fair complexion. Guess you learn something new every day!

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