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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refer to a black man as a black man

574 replies

ShakeRattleNRoll · 03/10/2013 23:55

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

OP posts:
Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:43

On a general note just because one black person is ok with something does not mean we all are. That would be like me speaking for all londoners, because i live in london.

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:43

Gangster of course not, now you are just being silly. I said in an earlier post about personal facts such as ethnic origin, name etc etc which can be used instead if that is known of said person. Obviously if its a person who we know very little about then there's nothing wrong with distinguishing by their colour. It seems the op knows very little about the black man down her road.

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:43

My honest opinion is that some people just look for prejudice/something to complain about for no reason.

There's no pleasing some.

unlucky83 · 04/10/2013 00:44

Of course it isn't racist...the guy is the only black guy on the street...if the street was full of black people and there was only only one white person you would describe them as the white person...you chose the most obvious distinguishing feature...
I (white) used to live in Brixton...on our street there were two couples with children - didn't know them well, didn't know their names, think they both had a boy and a girl but actually at that age I had no interest in children so not sure - we would say the white couple or the black couple - was that racist?
Later another white couple came - Eastern European - polish we thought - so then they were the white couple,, the black couple and the polish couple...
I did hear one of a group of young black mums telling their child - 'I told you not to play with the white boy' (it was the Polish boy) - now I think that was racist...not sure if it was meant like this but it gave me the impression she didn't want her child to play with the boy because he was white...

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:44

But hakunamatata of you used that when you're the only black person in the room it wouldn't help you to identify the person would it? So obviously you'd use another identifying characteristic.

If I was in a room with mostly black people I wouldn't care about being described as the white woman.

I'm very short as it happens. So i'm often described as 'the short lady'. Why is this better? For all you know I might be very sensitive about my height. But it's the obvious thing to say to identify me.

And I know short people haven't been persecuted historically. I'm not bring deliberately facetious. But it's not being racist if you're not being derogatory or including race in a description of someone where is makes no difference to what you are taking about

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/10/2013 00:46

Actually, it's more insulting to avoid the issue of differing ethnicity -it implies that there is something shameful or embarrassing about it. If you refer to it naturally, because it's relevant to that particular conversation, surely no-one could be offended. People generally take things in the spirit they're intended and it's usually obvious when people are being racist.

MardyBra · 04/10/2013 00:46

"the first Black person to move into the street for twenty years. Where the fuck do you live??"

I live in a white ghetto. It's quite common outside of major cities.

Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:47

Yellowdinosaur I did not say how i would identify the other person, your putting words into my mouth.

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:47

My honest opinion is that some people just look for prejudice/something to complain about for no reason

That old chestnut.

WahIzzit · 04/10/2013 00:48

Fwiw I would not use 'short' to describe anyone, even if they didnt seem to mind. I would rather use their colour to describe them.

Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:48

Mardybra really, why would you describe where you live like that.

MardyBra · 04/10/2013 00:49

Oh yes, us short people suffer badly from discrimination.

YellowDinosaur · 04/10/2013 00:50

More cross posts.

I didn't mean to imply with an earlier post that just because my brother didn't mind being described as black this means everyone who is black can't possibly mind. Apologies as I can see this hasn't come across well.

I do stand by my opinion that there is nothing wrong by using someones features to describe who you are taking about, in a respectful way, whether that is skin colour, hair colour, height or whatever. Personally I don't see skin colour as being any different because to new it isn't.

DameDeepRedBetty · 04/10/2013 00:50

Grin I'm in with the group hug!

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:50

If I was in a room with mostly black people I wouldn't care about being described as the white woman

Of course you wouldn't. Why would you? You have no reason to question the persons intentions do you?

PedlarsSpanner · 04/10/2013 00:51

yes Mardy, partic in SW Engerland ime

MardyBra · 04/10/2013 00:51

Hakuna I'm not trying to be controversial. Apologies if it came over that way. I was just saying that different parts of the country are very different in their ethnic make-up.

DameDeepRedBetty · 04/10/2013 00:51

Wow - 22 - my all-time record for xposts!

AmberLeaf · 04/10/2013 00:52

I didn't mean to imply with an earlier post that just because my brother didn't mind being described as black this means everyone who is black can't possibly mind. Apologies as I can see this hasn't come across well

What you said about your brother did give the impression that you thought that if anyone did mind being called 'the black boy' it was because they were being difficult/choosing to be offended.

Original poster
ShakeRattleNRoll · 04/10/2013 00:53

I still what to know why gansterslovetodance used the term 'LIttle Indian Boy' and in what context

OP posts:
Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:53

When I was working in a previous job, a woman was talking to my supervisor i was on the till. the shop was busy and she was asked to identify the shop assistant she had talked to (me). She turned, pointed and loudly said ' that coloured girl over there'.

I then responded 'oh really, and what colour would that be?' I was sixteen at the time and she was middle aged. I remember feeling so annoyed at her.

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:53

If I was in a room with mostly black people I wouldn't care about being described as the white woman

Of course you wouldn't. Why would you? You have no reason to question the persons intentions do you?

That's a sweeping generalisation. I suppose it would depend on the surroundings and the people who were saying it. Said in an innocent manner, then no of course not. Much as in the situation being described here, i'd imagine that the black man would have no reason to question it.

GangstersLoveToDance · 04/10/2013 00:54

I've already replied to that Shake - scroll the thread.

gobbynorthernbird · 04/10/2013 00:54

I have 3 friends with the same name. If talking to someone else who is confused about which one I mean I will say black Vanessa or Jewish Vanessa or posh Vanessa. If 2 of them were black then they'd be white Vanessa, posh Vanessa and, I dunno, Vanessa with the braids or whatever. I don't see it as being any different to French Hannah and student Hannah, or young Emily and ginger Emily. It's a factual description.

Serendipity30 · 04/10/2013 00:54

Mardybra oh i see, no problem

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