To refer to a black man as a black man

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

The other day i was talking about this black man who lives down the road to a neighbour and she said it was politically incorrect of me to say 'you know that black man who lives there' after I had said it.I thought well i never.What's wrong with calling him a black man when he is a black man? How should have I described him? TYIA

[WahIzzit]

hakuna well done you for that comeback. At 16, i'd have remained silent despite seething inside.

[TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy]

Person of Color is an Americas originating term from several groups of women of colour who came together to unite as a political group and force against oppression because White feminists actively exclude them. It has strong political connotations for me and even throughout the Americans it is controversial (some groups and individuals do not like being put under that banner). I would only use it to refer to a group or individual who identified as such or use it academically (such as "people of colour are under represented in XYZ), not as a catch-all term or an identifier for a neighbour. It's a pretty non-descript for talking about someone in the neighbourhood whose name you can't recall - you'd be basically saying that all you know about them is that they aren't White.

Your neighbour is being concerned, OP, I would just let it pass with her. If a person themselves to be identified differently, that's one thing, but random neighbour can't define that but nothing to make strife over. Personally, I'm quite happy and prefer for people to notice my skin colour and have it acknowledged as part of my experience. I just don't want to be treated unequally, be fetishized, have it affect my life chances, or have it be used as part of an amusing anecdote for later with message about how "those people" are. I'm typically the one in the hats though.

[ShakeRattleNRoll]

thanks gansters sorry

[YellowDinosaur]

Ok Amber. So as a better comparison I work in a very male dominated field. I couldn't give 2 shits about being described as 'the woman'. Even though women have been and sometimes continue to be discriminated against. I know my colleagues don't mean it in a derogatory way. It us clear the op isn't talking about her neighbour in a derogatory way either.

I'm with betters that deliberately avoiding this is more insulting and implies there is something wrong with his skin colour

[AmberLeaf]

It isn't a sweeping generalisation. It is based on experience. experience of it not being said in an 'innocent manner'

[Serendipity30]

WahIzzit ha, much calmer these days but thanks.

[GangstersLoveToDance]

Well to be honest Amber, if it causes you such problems in day-to-day life then you're probably better off speaking to someone about it privately that wasting your energy becoming outraged about the most innocent comments. It screams chip on the shoulder.

The world does not set out to offend you

[YellowDinosaur]

What you said about your brother did give the impression that you thought that if anyone did mind being called 'the black boy' it was because they were being difficult/choosing to be offended

Which is clearly why I apologised

[Serendipity30]

Yellowdinosaur I think your deliberately misreading Amberleaf as i dont think that is what she is saying.

[AmberLeaf]

Im not outraged.

So others racism is my problem to solve via therapy?

Chip on the shoulder? ha! ok. Being affected by racism is my fault then yes? if only I wouldn't get offended by it eh?

[Serendipity30]

I don't think anyone sets out to look for someone to offend them. However it irritates me generally not OP when prejudice is highlighted, then someone responds that the person has a chip on their shoulder.

[GangstersLoveToDance]

But this is - clearly - NOT racism.

You are doing your best to find racism in people's comments though. Like I said, it just screams that you have a chip on your shoulder.

[YellowDinosaur]

I'm not deliberately misreading anyone Hakuna. I'm commenting on the posts as I read them. Just as you and Amber are mine. Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean i'm misunderstanding the posts. I have a different viewpoint that's all.

[YellowDinosaur]

And I totally agree with gangster. This is very clearly not the op being racist. If she was I'd have a totally different take on it

[AmberLeaf]

The OP has conceded that she could have used a different term, she has said that graciously. Line drawn under that one.

Im seeing more racism and minimisation of racism in other posters comments.

However it irritates me generally not OP when prejudice is highlighted, then someone responds that the person has a chip on their shoulder

Yes /\ that.

[SugarHut]

My skin is a sort of olive colour. I was in a bar with three friends. I'm blondey brown, ones blonde, two brunette. All slim, all short. They are all white (or orange depending on fake bake levels ) I was in a red dress, so was another friend, the others in black.

There were a group of guys at the other end about 20ft away. They sent over a bottle of bubbly. We smiled. One of them wrote something on a piece of paper and I heard him say to the barman as he returned, "can you pass that to the girl with the dark skin"

It was the quickest and most obvious way of identifying me from the group. Should I have stropped over and asked why he didn't say "the one with the longest hair" No, because that's plain ridiculous. The man did nothing wrong, and neither did you.

Putting it simply

If my DS is playing with his lego and has 8 red bricks and one blue, and I want the blue, I make a much bigger deal of the colour by awkwardly avoiding it, "can I have the one that looks like the corner's been chewed a little? the one that's third in from the left? the one that's...er....." The blue one.

[AmberLeaf]

All this 'you are looking for racism' stuff...tell me why I would want there to be more racism in the world? why would I look for it?

[GangstersLoveToDance]

I have seen no racism on this thread. Kindly point it out and I may well change my opinion.

[jacks365]

Can I ask if people can read the op again very carefully and think about the way it's worded.

[Serendipity30]

Er in no way way have i said that the OP was racist i actually said the opposite in a previous post. Actually i have not seen ANYONE say that. The OP asked whether she could or should have used another term. Wen I have talked about racism i have made it clear when i am making a general statement. Clear enough?

[TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy]

The OP was obviously not trying to cause hurt or show any prejudice.

However, in the society we live in where White people are able to be treated as default and raceless and be identified and acknowledged for their other attributes, it is part of a wider system that does cause harm that ones first instinct is to reduce identity down to "the black man" rather than "the black man with...[qualifier]".

And calling it a chip on the shoulder, especially when racism has been connected to causing PTSD, really minimises the affect it can have and is real victim blaming.

[GangstersLoveToDance]

Some people love to be offended. They love to try to take the moral high ground. They will grasp at any subject and try to turn it around/deliberately misunderstand things for absolutely no reason.

I have no idea why people do this. Having a bad day maybe? An argumentative fucker by nature? Who knows.

That is NOT btw aimed at you Amber...but you asked why you may do such a thing. I'm just pointing out that some people do. My sister is one of them. Absolutely, positively determined to read into things and establish some sort of slight in the most innocent of comments.

[MardyBra]

We live in a society which still discriminates against women. Do any of us object to be described as women?

[MardyBra]

I forgot the

[Serendipity30]

gangsterlovetodance no one said it was.