"Yes, Always, but bottom line is my. (As in the limit, not the literal bottom line.)
And vitriol, vitriol, vitriol, she's a slag, she's on the dole, he's a cunt. Oh, not everyone agrees with me, change tactics."
I beg your pardon. I think you will find at no point did I use that language. Vitriol maybe. I defy anyone to spend years being emotionally abused and not feel angry and lash out. And make no mistake I have been emotionally abused. I've spent weeks in counselling and many hours with the other women doing the Freedom Programme and there is no doubt in my mind I have been with an emotional abuser. I have also stooped to a certain level of abuse in retaliation. But unless you have been there you have no idea just how mad the behaviour can send you.
And no matter what, his actions of going to the family holiday place with this new woman and suggesting she park her car outside our house and taking her to meet our daughter's god parents just weeks after meeting her is a lot insensitive to me. I can see it as that at best and downright inflammatory at worst. That is what has made me so angry. I get that he has moved on and met someone else, but he seems to delight in poking her presence in my face. He is continually telling me how wonderful she is and how much better she is at everything I do and how much happier she makes him than I ever did. I am lost to understand if he is so happy why he feel the need to lash out at me. Maybe someone can explain that to me?
I did state that she was a single mum on benefits. That doesn't mean she's a bad person, but it does mean that I felt I needed to regain the use of my house as it has a large amount of personal money wrapped up in it and I was aware that since she arrived on the scene our daughter has been neglected somewhat.
I am also aware that my husband will very likely play the rescuer and want to install her in the marital home if she falls on even harder times. He would have done similar for me. Indeed he did offer to clear my mortgage arrears when we first met but I decided I would rather manage it myself as I felt strongly about being independent and wanting to be sure I was with someone because I wanted to be with them and not because they could uplift my lifestyle if you know what I mean.
I am a bit judgemental in my view of the situation but that may well be because, as so many other posters have pointed out, this is a well trodden path with newly separated men. They are in a hurry to find someone else and their judgement may be impaired. I think in this case it probably is. But apart from the issue of the risk of them moving into my house nothing else is any of my business.
The initial post was of raw pain at having discovered a place I have known as our family place for many years is now being enjoyed by them as a new couple. It hurts and I defy anyone not to feel pain at that after 21 years, some of them happy times, particularly those times spent there.
I am pleased that this post has generated so much interest though.