"The OP has made some not-very-nice comments about the NW and apportioned blame where it's not due, but she's hurting. Hurt people lash out and not always at the deserving target. If the OP is to be believed, her H has been abusing her for years and creating a dreadful home-life for their child. She left to escape that herself but not upset her DD's stability. She has now realised she needs to come back to protect her DD and not to lose any stake in the marital assets. She has done nothing wrong in any of that, and her STBXH's behaviour - which seems deliberately inflammatory - seems to validate her version of events. He is behaving in typical fashion of an abusive man who likes to manipulate his wife into appearing irrational and spiteful so that he can pull the rug out from under her".
Well thank you all. Light the blue touch paper and run!!!
Dahlen what you have posted above is absolutely the situation. I am hurting because I did and still do suffer a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation. I've spent four hours today with the lady that does the Freedom Programme in our area. She was a diamond. She can see why I am so angry and lashing out. But apart from here and with the ladies at the Freedom Programme I have not directed my anger at him or her. I do agree she may well be, and probably is, blameless in all of this. She has gone on a dating web site, got chatting to someone that has charmed the socks off her and got involved very quickly. (just like I did all those years ago). What her motives are for being with my H are not up for scrutiny by me I acknowledge that. But it doesn't stop it hurting like hell. I do question her acceptance of being taken to the very property that his former wife and family have used for years though. I know I wouldn't like it. I would want my new partner to have a bit more imagination and put a bit more effort into finding a place for our first holiday together. Not just rock up at the place that's easiest for him to book.
Yes our marriage was toxic and exhausting. There was hardly ever a conversation that didn't end in a row. You would have to record some of the conversations to believe the crazy making stuff that comes out of his mouth.
Tonight whilst getting ready for Guides he felt he needed to moan at me about the lack of milk in the fridge despite there being plenty. He just wanted something to start up and get a reaction. He has spent all day sending me text messages which I ignore and they mostly end with the sentence "just leave me alone" and then sends another one. It is truly bizarre behaviour. He then said he wanted a truce and then started talking about the details about our split. I just walked away and replied "it is not appropriate for us to try and sort this between us. It will always need a third party to mediate we are unable to communicate effectively and sensibly. Best we get to mediators as soon as possible".
He shouts after me saying that the other woman is three times the woman I will ever be. They do ten times more things together than we ever did. I am just a jealous dried up old cow. I can't wait to be free of you. I hate you. I hate the sight of you. Why don't you just leave us alone. DD doesn't want you here either. I don't know why you keep hanging around. Just fuck off why don't you.
I just have to remain impassive in the midst of that and stay calm.
That is the standard format. He doesn't do this when anyone else can hear but I suppose if I control myself it is just a matter of time.
However, when our DD arrived home he continued the conversation in moderate tones minus the swearing and tried to make it a standard conversation. Again I refuse to speak to him and say hello to my daughter and he just stands there and fumes. As soon as she is out of earshot he starts it up again.
Of course he will tell me on a fairly regular basis that I am as mad a box of frogs or off my rocker, or a lunatic or a collection of several terminologies which allude to my mental health and lack of it.
I just want him to move out and get on with the lovely lady and let me enjoy peace in my home with my daughter. Is that too much to ask?
I tell you living with an emotional abuser is not box of chocolates I can tell you, not even chocolate frogs!!!