I don't f***ing believe it

[Neeliethere]

OH has met someone else. I get that. It hurts. He's taking her away for the week next week. I am at the marital home with my daughter. The marital home has a large drive. She lives 50 miles east of here and they are travelling a long way west.

They are going on holiday to an apartment we have rented as a family for the last six years that I found through a friend of mine and I have personally booked every year since then. Normally me and my daughter and her friend go but a few times with him as well. I am now feeling that I can never go there again because I will be thinking about how they were there having a lovely romantic time. I feel sick just writing this. Tell me I'm not mad.

As if that isn't bad enough he informs me that she is planning to drive to our house and leave her car on our drive while they are away. Am I going mad again? Is that just beyond the pale. The other woman's car on my drive whilst he takes her to our special holiday place shagging her senseless.

God the pain of it. How on earth do people manage to conduct themselves in such a heartless way????

Unbelievable.

I can't think of anything else to say! Just..wow. Completely thoughtless and outrageous.

I'd get the car towed away for being parked on private property. :)

You know nothing about the car. Never seen it before. You can then ring the council/police/whoever deals with such matters in your area and have it towed :)

Failing that, sprinkle bird seed all over it to encourage birds to scratch and poop. Prawn heads in the engine are also a pleasant welcome home gift.

That sounds like the plot of a Catherine Alliot book... can't believe anyone would act that way in real life :( can you lock the gate to prevent her parking? she shouldn't be anywhere near the marital home. Neither should he if he doesn't plan to end his affair. Sorry OP - he is a twattybastard.

Oh that is dispicable behaviour from him and her! Tell him that they can not leave the car there.

Does he still live in your home?

He told me I'm just being a jealous bitter woman and that I should just get over it. Its home too and he can do what he likes. What the fuck????!!

How do you deal with such unbelievably insensitive people? What is wrong the stupid bird that agrees to leave her car on the drive of the marital home where his wife is going to be? She must be some kind of nutter herself if she thinks that's OK surely.

What on earth has he got himself caught up in? Single mum of two just in school age. Not working, living on benefits. Is homeless because her partner, the father of her children, kicked her out of the house that he owned on his own and she had not security of tenure for her or her kids. Doesn't care about sneaking in and out of the marital home of a bloke that still lives under the same roof of a man that has only just separated from his wife four months before. Thinks it OK to dump her car there and leave it for a week. Thinks it's OK to stay at the holiday apartment used by his ex for the past six years.

And he keeps telling me she's a lovely person - yeah right!!!

Simply disgusting behaviour and you are right to feel indignant.
So here's some advice...
Definitely don't put a kitchen knife into all four tyres of her car. Definitely don't become so emotional that you put a brick in a pillow case and smash all the windows. Definitely don't become so emotional that you take a fifty pence piece and scratch hell out of all the paintwork over the whole car. Don't break the headlights with a hammer and if the alarm goes off don't call the police and say that someone has dumped a smashed up car on your drive. It would be wrong to do any of those things.

I do advise you to change the locks immediately, look on your house as a fortress against which no evil arsehole may enter and develop a deeply, deeply cold attitude to your ex husband.

Evil man by the sound of it, heartless and unimaginative.

He gives a bad name to wankers!

I have written to him telling him that if is left there I will report it dumped and have it removed.

What a fucking knob. I would do as the poster upthread suggested and have the car towed.

You poor thing. However, I can see a very unhappy ending for your DH once the real world responsibility kicks in.

Sounds like you need to see a solicitor.

Neelie, are you still sharing a home with this man? Or is it the case that he's renting a flat somewhere but the home is still joint-owned and that's why he's saying it's "his property too"?

I moved out 4 months ago but have been going back regularly to see our daughter. 4 weeks ago I informed him that i was moving back in partly for financial and legal reasons but partly because when I heard that she was basically skint, and had two kids under 6 and living hand to mouth. Lives in a nasty part of South London. I thought hmmm. She's got her claws into a guy that is quite a bit older. Lives in stockbroker belt in Surrey. Has a well paid job and seems to be living on his own in a large detached house with his daughter. Swimming pool loads and of spare bedrooms. Well what would most people think? Add into the mix a teenage daughter with him (built in babysitter). I was feeling bad to have those thoughts but her seeming willingness to be sneaked in and out of the house when I'm not there but a high risk of me turning up. Leaving her car there with no regard for my feelings. I think I know my first instincts are correct. No morals at all. I know for sure I wouldn't be doing that to another woman his ex or not. There is a certain code and it doesn't seem to apply here does it. If there any morals they are the morals of an alleycat I would say. He will reap his reward that is for sure.

Why did you leave when he had rant OW? How old is your daughter?

Wow!

I think these guys rationalise their cruelty so successfully in their own head that they won't allow you to be upset and angry as that doesn't tally with their own version. I had a man once dump me with a damning character assassination and then want to come to my house afterwards to socialise with my flatmate. I was the unreasonable one apparently, that I wouldn't allow that.

Does your OH expect to come back to the house after his holiday?

Is the house half yours? Are you married?

Why did you leave your daughter and the marital home if he had the affair?

Good on you for standing up for yourself now though. You have the moral high ground and your dignity, don't lose them!

He sounds like a dickhead.

Did he have an affair though?

I'm reading it that he's met her after they seperated, four (short) months ago.

It's very early though, I may be wrong

I might hollow words of little comfort to you now, but my stbxh behaved similarly (not same circumstances, but similar level of arseness).

Something the 'lovely' OW did this week that was potentially very unpleasant for me had him in tears and incredibly stressed out. What a shame.

When the reality of his behaviour hit him, he had a mental breakdown and is now having therapy to deal with the way his behaviour has made him feel. Apparently his GP feels he is a suicide risk.

Now, whilst I wouldn't wish the latter on anyone, you do reap what you sow. And your husband will be no different.

What disrespectful and insensitive behaviour. It sounds like you are behaving with true dignity which the bastards can make so difficult, I would have been the flinging dog shit at her car type, but threatening to have it towed is much better.
How must he be justifying this behaviour in his head? I think so many in this situation have to deceive even themselves that it is acceptable. I can't imagine your DD is happy seeing you bring treated this way.
I hope things improve for you soon, I'm sorry it sounds as though its been a shit few months.

Neelie, I remember some of your story.

First things first: this too shall pass. It will all be over soon.

Don't engage with fighting with him. He doesn't deserve to know what's going on in your head and I'm quite sure that seeing you upset gives him perverse pleasure. This split is acrimonious and you are now 'in battle'. Save your tears for your friends, never in front of him, nor your daughter. Don't tell him things like 'I'm going to get it towed' , it will just strengthen his resolve against you. Paint a smile on and an exasperated roll of the eyes. Respect yourself and others will too and, in the meantime you will look like a fucking saint!

Put a few kippers under the bonnet? Apple up the exhaust? Washing up liquid in the windscreen wash?

I have learnt that the more serene, calm and rational you are the more it gets up the nose of the OW. I am now a swan the outside world sees the serene, calm and rational (driving the OW mad) and underneath I'm paddling like mad. The benefit of this is your daughter will see you as the better person.
We had a holiday flat that we were supposed to share after divorce OW had her knees under that table so fast that I will never go there again. Fortunately I had pulled out completely of that flat as the boiler blew up and ExH not only had to pay the thousands to put it right, but organise it himself the poor little love. Karma happens.

I second not telling him what you're planning to do. Play your cards close to your chest. Don't give the bugger the satisfaction of knowing he's got to you.

Tempting as it seems, sabotaging the NW's car is not a good idea. You will leave yourself open to potential criminal damage charges. As long as your STBXH cannot prove he told you about NW's car, however, there is nothing stopping you having it towed away.

There's a lot of understandable anger towards the NW in your posts, but I wouldn't go down that route. Really, she has done nothing wrong apart from being incredibly silly. She is seeing a man who is separated from his wife. The mere 4 months makes her naive rather than amoral. For all you know he has (almost certainly) told her that your marriage was dead long before he broke it off, that the house is all his but you're being "difficult", the the holiday venue is something he discovered and wants to share his special place with her . Reserve your anger for the man who deserves it, who is undoubtedly a shit of the highest order. Getting angry at the NW is distracting you from what needs doing and actually serves your STBXH very well since it deflect attention from him.

My deepest sympathy though. Taking the NW to your holiday place must hurt like hell and is deeply crass, selfish and ugly behaviour. Of all the places he could take her, he chose that. Has he no imagination? I bet he was absolutely rubbish in bed - Mr I-have-a-routine-and-I'm-going-to-stick-to-it. You are better off without him.

My advice? Let him go and use that week to enjoy spending time with your DD and really get the ball rolling on your divorce and financial arrangements so you can hit him hard with it when he returns. Anger is a great motivator. Use it.

Hope you feel better soon.

How awful!

Thoughtless cunts much?!

Can you give your daughter a tin of gloss and a brush?

You know what kids are like