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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
MummyPig24 · 01/10/2013 09:55

I would have told the child to be careful where he was kicking the ball too.

TheCrumpetQueen · 01/10/2013 09:56

Ywnbu

I would've done the same.

Famzilla · 01/10/2013 09:56

I think your reaction was pretty understandable, although maybe a bit scary if it was definitely an accident.

However if he was aiming for you then your reaction was very tame!

hellsbellsmelons · 01/10/2013 09:58

Sounds completely reasonable to me.
I would have done exactly the same thing.
I'm sure the mum would have too if it had been the other way around.

ArtexMonkey · 01/10/2013 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudiansSlipper · 01/10/2013 09:58

yanbu

he is 5 ffs he did something wrong though not intentionally but needs to be told to be more careful, it does not matter who does it, unless she was sitting next to you

SuperiorCat · 01/10/2013 10:01

YANBU, it is not always easy to work out who the parent is to speak to, especially if they are not supervising, which if she was, she should have stopped him from kicking it near people in the first place

heidihole · 01/10/2013 10:01

You were completely reasonable. Child's mother is odd.

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:02

I feel shit that I made a little boy cry, but I certainly didn't intend on it.

I'm now all at odds, wondering if I'm some ogre, or if she's pfb.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 01/10/2013 10:05

Yanbu, I'd have done the same

ScarerAndFuck · 01/10/2013 10:06

YWNBU.

I would have been fine with someone saying that to DS, even sharply or with a slightly raised voice.

I would have done the same myself in your case.

TheCrumpetQueen · 01/10/2013 10:06

Why not kick a ball aimed at her head tomorrow and see if she reacts Grin

TheCrumpetQueen · 01/10/2013 10:06

I probably wouldve told my ds off before you had a chance!

FreudiansSlipper · 01/10/2013 10:08

some children cry very easily especially when they are tired but they still need to learn

MirandaGoshawk · 01/10/2013 10:08

YANBU. You reacted. He will think twice before he kicks near people again, which is a good thing.

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 01/10/2013 10:08

Her reaction was strange, I would have come over and apologised lots to you, I am always telling the boys to be careful when they are playing football and make sure they are away from little ones.

She should have been keeping an eye on him and she shouldn't have been so rude.

everlong · 01/10/2013 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:09

See that's what I think! If that were my lad, I'd say "well...that's what happens when you don't take care...now go and say sorry".

As I left I could see her mouthing off to her crew about it, but I just ignored.

I cannot be arsed with a fucking situation, avoiding eye contact and tension.

Do I approach her later at pick up and smooth it over?

OP posts:
Renniehorta · 01/10/2013 10:09

Frankly if you made him cry then you have taught him a lesson that might sink in.

Where did this idea that children cannot be addressed except through a parent come from?

Jinty64 · 01/10/2013 10:09

I think that's quite a difficult one. My ds would have been upset if another adult had spoken to him "sharply" especially as he would already be upset that he had nearly hit someone with his ball. If, as his mother, I had seen the incident I would have jumped in, apologised and asked ds to be more careful in future.

He was in the "playground" and it does not sound as if he was being particularly reckless, five is quite little and I would be a bit annoyed at having to leave him for a day at school when he was upset. I realise you probably got a fright but he probably did too and I think YAB a bit U to speak sharply. " careful pet, you nearly hit the little girl' may have been better.

BigW · 01/10/2013 10:10

YANBU. I have done the same thing in the park. I didn't really think about it, I just said it. The father actually came over and apologised, although it was unnecessary. So I think she overreacted.

D0G · 01/10/2013 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Renniehorta · 01/10/2013 10:13

Do not apologise for upsetting him. She should apologise to you for being a stupid cow.

If a comment like that makes him cry then you can already see the poor result of her over parenting.

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/10/2013 10:13

I don't think you were unreasonable - of course does slightly depend how 'sharply' you spoke to him.

Also depends where he was playing football - our playground is on 2 levels and no balls allowed on the top level to prevent people being hit by them.

I would try and smooth it over, after all no harm was done to your daughter.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/10/2013 10:14

YWDNBU. She, on the other hand ...