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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
funnyossity · 01/10/2013 12:26

Yes SugarHut in my version of telling off I try to use a Yoda-style wise words approach.

Unless it's to my nearest and dearest when I release my inner fish-wifeGrin.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 12:27

In tat case sugar imwould have just said something lie 'careful'. If it had hit us I would be had opreaction like op. the ball skim over op dd head so was extremely close and in their space

insomniac63 · 01/10/2013 12:29

some people are like that, once some child tried to pull my baby out of her pram I very nicely asked her not to do that ,this was at a toddler group, next thing her mother was over screaming in my face telling me never to discipline her child. She then followed me along the road screaming tried to rise above it then told her to f off or I,d discipline her sometimes the low road is the only way

Goldenbear · 01/10/2013 12:34

YANBU- there are lots of parents like that where I live, however the difference is they would not offer to deal with anything as they are supremely arrogant and think you shouldn't mind yourself, your toddler or child being run over by a scooter going 100 mph or a balance bike ploughing into you!

Something similar happened to me at the park the other day. I was doing my toddler's shoes up in her pushchair and my 6 year old son was waiting next to the pushchair, we were at the bottom of the hill in a big park and a child about 4 was coming down the hill on his balance bike with some speed, he was ahead of his Mum. I didn't think anything of it until I realised that he was going to ride into us if he didn't swerve soon, he didn't swerve and clipped my daughter's arm bending it backwards slightly, I said, 'careful' but he was totally oblivious, still shouting out that he was a hero, the winner, his younger brother about 3 was on a scooter and just about stopped right next to us and I mean literally next to us, like he was my child rather than this woman's. The older boy then turned to go back up to his mum and decided he must squeeze past our pushchair pushing it away, whilst I was still trying to do up my DD's shoes. I probably frowned at the situation and rather than apologising for her son clipping my daughter, she called out, 'Well done Jonty, you go for it!' whilst all the time looking at me as she said this. All I thought was, 'what a knob I can't wait to move from here and this has reminded me why!'

battyralphie · 01/10/2013 12:37

Merrymarigold, as the mother of football mad sons, I cant agree that a five year old is too small to control a football. At that age many children play in football teams, and are capable of complex football moves. He should be able to control the ball at that age, and if he cant then he needs to learn to be more responsible with it.

Sindarella · 01/10/2013 12:39

If my ds came to me upset telling me you had told him off for kicking a ball at you and your child, i would have told him it serves him right and to be more careful.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/10/2013 12:42

YANBU, she sounds a bit OTT

unlucky83 · 01/10/2013 12:44

I think you were right to say something and I think some parents are too precious when it comes to their children!!!
We live in a small community - I would happily tell a teenager off - or at least tell their parents what they had been up to...and would expect someone to tell my DCs off and report back to me if they saw anything inappropiate...
I've just told a 7 yo off for running across a side road without looking - and then mentioned it to his mum (who I do know quite well) later - all no problems - I thought 7 yo might have said something to his mum but he hadn't -probably cos he knew he might get in more trouble!!
But the other day as I was heading for school pick up I saw three pre-school children - within the school grounds but well out of their parent's sight - running towards the gate.
I know them a bit from my job - they do recognise me - I know their parents a little too - probably less well.
I stopped them and asked them if their mums knew where they were? And one of them lied and said 'yes' Hmm! So I said lets go back to your mums and make sure...as I walked them back , one of the mums came running around the corner panic stricken - saw what was happening - first thing she did was thank me...then one of the other mum's appeared (the child who had lied's mum) ...that mum just gave me a really nasty look and didn't say anything... made me feel like I'd done something wrong - interfering or was critising her or something...Hmm I don't know....But I do know that I wouldn't have minded if it was my DC and I would do it again - even for that child...

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 12:44

batty, perhaps he was not a child who plays on a team. I have a footie mad 5yo and 7yo. The 5yo would be probably ok although he could easily kick the ball 'off' if someone was coming to tackle him. The 7yo at 5 would have loved to join in with other kids, but just wouldn't have been very good with the ball AT ALL. He would also have been very upset to be 'sharply' told off for an accident, especially if he was already feeling a bit sensitive that he's not great at football.

I think it's silly to allow football near seats. It is the school and the parents' fault, not the little boy's.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 12:57

Merry that's just te problem, cotton woolling your child. Sowhat someone gets hit on te head with a football, they should suck it up as your child might be a bit sensitive to being told to be careful! Life is hard not everyone s going to be nicy nice. Op did not have a go at this boy, just tod him to be careful in a stern tone, he as a lot to learn if that reduces him to tears

alemci · 01/10/2013 13:12

I think the mother was out of order for speaking to you like that. He shouldn't be kicking a football around. I used to work in a primary school and we used to only allow footballs at certain times.

What if he had hit your dd. Would the lovely mother approve if you told him off then.

I would be embarassed if my ds had kicked a football near anyone and could have caused harm.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 13:14

piglet, no-one got hit on the head with a football.

As I said, either people should not sit near little kids playing football, or they may get a hit on the head. OR the school/ parents' should designate an area (like my school) which is well away from where parents sit and wait.

I am not at all a cotton wool parent. I just believe in being told off for things you can control and I don't think the little boy was in control either of where the game was being played (up to the school/ parents) or his own ability to play (again, not something you can control other than going to extensive training). It is not possible to 'be careful' when you are playing football. Sorry. I don't know adults that manage this either.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 13:15

(If you can be careful playing football, dh wouldn't be constantly twisting his ankle Wink)

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 13:19

He is not 'sensitive' - he is totally a football kid, and a very outgoing, confident one at that. Life and soul of the playground. I reckon he'll go far actually.
I still don't want his ball in our face though.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 13:21

Oh ok, he should be able to control it then!

Deflatedballoonbelly · 01/10/2013 13:21

YWNBU. She is just pissed that she didn't get to tell him off, because she is probably mortified. I would think no more off it. Fuck her, Precious uppity madam.

YouTheCat · 01/10/2013 13:23

He certainly seems to have the 'acting' aspect of football down very well. Just needs to work on his ball skills. Grin

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 13:34

Merry it skimmed her head so was very close. This boy was playing near benches designed for people to sit on, so op was not standing in amongst the footballers! All she said was careful you nearly hit her head, not ad a go at him!

SUMMERFRUIT · 01/10/2013 13:44

yanbu I was sort of in your situation this morning as I told of 2 little boys in the front of their mothers. Their crime ? They were using my dd's cardigan as a football. I don't think the mothers had seen so I told them firmly that it was really unkind to kick into someone's else cardigan. If my child would have done it, I'd told her off !

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 01/10/2013 13:48

YANBU

When I was growing up in the olden days Wink if we did anything we shouldn't, either deliberately or accidentally, we got told off by the nearest adult. Some parents are way too precious nowadays and they're in danger off producing children who are incapable of coping with being 'told off' when they become adults and go out to work.

HaroldLloyd · 01/10/2013 13:58

I don't think you were particularly unreasonable - he might have been shocked he nearly hit your DD which would have helped make him teary.

I'd probably just talk to his mum which will make things less awkward.

I am 38 and I also would not like a football in my face!

CocacolaMum · 01/10/2013 14:02

Ooh come on, its not like you stood up and booted the ball back at him is it. I would have told her off as well tbh, when I was growing up if we were naughty and near an adult then that adult would have said something!!

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 14:03

I got hit in the face by a football,my nose hurt for a couple of days and I ad a fecking headache for a couple to. Ok it was older boys, and an accident bu still Chidren need to learn

Jinty64 · 01/10/2013 14:16

DejaVu when I was growing up if you did something wrong the closest adult would give you a clip round the ear. You didn't go crying to your parents because you knew they would give you a clip round the other one. It didn't do me any harm but I think times have moved on.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 01/10/2013 16:18

Jinty I know times have moved on but I don't think it does a child any harm to be told off by an adult that isn't their parent. Unfortunately there seems to be some parents who don't think anyone, other than themselves have the right to tell their child off. Some of these parents don't even seem to tell their children off themselves, preferring instead to deny that their child could behave in such a way.