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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:

hettienne · 01/10/2013 10:48

Some people are soooo precious about their children - you can't even look at them let alone talk to them!

froken, what a bizarre thing to say! I would tell a child to be more careful if they booted a ball at me, even if it was in a school playground.

SunshineMMum · 01/10/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 10:51

Ignore her op dont approach her, you have done nothing wrong. Jinty , would tat be your reaction if you nearly got hit in th face by a ball

everlong · 01/10/2013 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 10:54

Froken really would you have Sid that in te heat of the moment when nearly getting hit in the face by a ball . I am an adult and urge as hell don't want to be hit in the face by a ball

Tailtwister · 01/10/2013 10:54

YWNBU to react. I would have done the same.

However, how 'sharply' did you react? The other mother might have thought you were being too harsh given it was unintentional.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 10:56

If you apologise you're basically admitting you are in the wrong, don't op. if the dd dd het hit on te head by a ball especially at high volocity, it can be quite dangerous, broken nose, mabey head injury. Some kids kick so hard and powerful

WahIzzit · 01/10/2013 10:57

Yanbu

I would have reacted in the same way possibly exclaimed FOR GODS SAKE or similar too without thinking

I really dislike all these overly precious parents, who mind if you so much as talk to their dc incase they melt. I know 5 is still young but he probably started crying because he isn't used to being told off!

BadSeedsAddict · 01/10/2013 10:58

It sounds like her knee-jerk reaction was to protect her child from perceived danger, in a Mama Bear kind of way. You were shocked, not unreasonable. If you have to see her all the time then it's probably a good idea to apologise and explain your reaction; if she then has a problem t's her who is being unreasonable

Original poster

pictish · 01/10/2013 10:58

I dunno - put it this way...I didn't even realise the lad was upset, because as soon as I had said it, I continued chatting to my friend and he continued chatting to me. Incident over. Neither of us obviously thought it was OTT.

When she said "he's upset now" I was surprised.

OP posts:

SilverApples · 01/10/2013 11:01

If she's that bothered about it, she needs to helicopter more closely.
if he doesn't want to be reprimanded, then he needs to make sure he's booting the ball in an appropriate direction, or with enough space around him.

Tailtwister · 01/10/2013 11:01

It sounds as if she had a knee jerk reaction too, although I agree you shouldn't apologise OP. I would just let it blow over and carry on as normal.

SilverApples · 01/10/2013 11:03

Froken, in school playgrounds you tend to find that ballgames, especially football, are often in a zoned area, which you know you are entering at your own risk.

everlong · 01/10/2013 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonLies · 01/10/2013 11:05

What you did was perfectly reasonable and normal. It was probably the mum having a go at you that upset the boy the most. My younger dd probably would have cried in the boy's situation when she was 5, but that is because she cried easily at that age. It doesn't mean I think she should never have had it pointed out to her to be more careful though! I would have backed you up in that situation. I didn't get the impression you shouted at the boy which would have been more unreasonable.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:06

Yes his upset is probably because mummy does not tell him off much and everyone else s at fault not her ds. If tat was dd 6 who had kicked that ball, I would be up teir apologising and making sure dd apologised too. I have done this too. Yes if she feels that way sh should be hovering more closely!

MrsOakenshield · 01/10/2013 11:06

sounds like he doesn't get told off very often, you've probably done him a favour which will doubtless get undone by the mother fussing over him and saying ignore the nasty lady or whatever. Not that I'm conjecturing or anything .

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:09

Why everlong! Just because whe told she boy to be careful in a strict tone? She did not go up to him and give him her all! Just because she's at school for a long time with tese children, does not mean she as to associate with this parent. Does not mean you hav to be treated like crap because your afraid. Draw a line under it and move on!

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:10

A lot of arents just pick up thir Chid and leave and don't get involved in playground rubbish

Crowler · 01/10/2013 11:15

I really appreciate other parents telling my kids off when they are out of line (or in this case, tell them to be careful when they are obviously not taking care). It reinforces what I try to teach them, and helps them to understand that I'm not insane in my demands.

everlong · 01/10/2013 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 01/10/2013 11:20

She's a precious loon who will be devastated to discover that other people DO speak to her child and that not everyone thinks the sun shines out of his behind. I feel sorry for said child's future teachers. Especially when he's badly behaved because his stupid mother thinks no-one should tell him off.

5madthings · 01/10/2013 11:24

of course ywnbu!

i must have said that same type of thing to my kids and others hundreds of times over my years inplaygrounds and parks.

i can imagine your "tone" as you said it and would have been exactly the same.

meh try and smooth things over, i would say i am sorry the boy was upset but he needed to be told so i wouldnt be sorry that i had told him off!

no-one likes making a kid cry, and you dont need an atmosphere for years to come so i would want to resolve it but i would have her cards marked as precious as fuck mum

5madthings · 01/10/2013 11:25

and as for frokens comment.... seriously!!!

saintlyjimjams · 01/10/2013 11:26

Of course YWNBU. Children are allowed to be upset, it's how they learn - that e.g. kicking balls at heads has consequences.

Stupid other mother.

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