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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
SamHamwidge · 01/10/2013 10:14

NBU. I wish everyone had the attitude that 'it takes a village' etc. I think any responsible adult should be able to speak to any child in this way if they dpi something out of turn.

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/10/2013 10:14

And I too couldn't do with the tension in the playground even if I thought she was being precious - just easier to smooth things over.

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:15

Jinty perhaps yes.
It was an instant reaction to my dd nearly getting a ball kicked in her face, from point blank range. I didn't think, I just reacted. If I had had a moment to think, I would most definitely have done what you said...and have done before.

It was a "wwwoooaaahhh" moment, you know?

OP posts:
MrsDavidBowie · 01/10/2013 10:17

I think you were very restrained Grin

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:18

To be honest - I addressed him in the fashion I would address one of my own kids.
I didn't focus on hin as such, rather than what had occured...iyswim?

I didn't think he was aiming for my dd or anything, it was simple carelessness...but was a baw hair off dd having a burst nose.

OP posts:
Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:19

hin? him

OP posts:
emuloc · 01/10/2013 10:21

Why apologise to this woman for upsetting her son? What if your dd had been hit in the face by the ball? No wonder society is going to pot when a child can not be put in check by anyone other than their parents who half the time are too busy being friends with their dcs instead of teaching them right from wrong.

TravelinColour · 01/10/2013 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklysilversequins · 01/10/2013 10:24

I wouldn't apologise, I would just be normal. But our school is massive so misery guts are easily avoided.

I would have reacted like you did I think but equally as the parent I might not have liked you being too sharp and might have said so, right alongside getting him to apologise. He must be a delicate little flower if he cried. The five year olds I know are far more robust.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 01/10/2013 10:25

Yanbu.

I always tell children if they are doing something dangerous/inappropriate.

Children seem to be fine with it too.

Except a couple of bored girls who gave me hell and followed me home after I asked them to put their dog on a leash as it was in the no dog allowed playground. Sigh. Never been happier to live in a huge block of flats.

SHarri13 · 01/10/2013 10:26

I don't think YWBU. My 5 year old might have cried in the same scenario but I'd have explained why you'd spoken to him and not had any issue with you.

NoComet · 01/10/2013 10:26

No and if thats her attitude she will und up with a vike little brat.

PeppermintPasty · 01/10/2013 10:32

YWDNBU, I would (and have) done exactly the same thing.

As an aside, I find that if I put my full Duchess* on (for a really awful child), I find that I scare the parent too Wink

*See further, Lady Bracknell, Mrs Bucket etc, etc, etc.

PeppermintPasty · 01/10/2013 10:33

I would done??? Not very Duchess-like Blush

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 01/10/2013 10:33

NU. I think you were fairly tame to be honest. I'd have been much gobbier.

But then I think I may have turned into one of those mothers. Said to the dc the other day "please be careful SOMEONE has left a toddler on the cycle track". Turns out mother of said toddler was standing right behind me. Blush

froken · 01/10/2013 10:34

I'm not sure, I think this sort of thing must happen all the time in school playgrounds. How old is dd? Is she a baby? If she is at school she is probably used to footballs flying about, if she isn't at school a school playground probably isn't the best place for her to be for more time than necessary.

There wasn't any immediate danger to your dd so I think it would have been best to speak yo the mother or a teacher.

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:36

Argh what a crap start to the day.
I will smooth it over by allowing her to say her piece before saying mine. Calm and pleasant.
I hope.

I will apologise for upsetting her lad - simply because I certainly didn't intend to. I don't feel good about that.
But not until I have stated my case. She wasn't watching, and she didn't see it. I think mine was a fairly natural reaction.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

OP posts:
Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:38

I'm not sure, I think this sort of thing must happen all the time in school playgrounds. How old is dd? Is she a baby? If she is at school she is probably used to footballs flying about, if she isn't at school a school playground probably isn't the best place for her to be for more time than necessary.

What? What sort of nonsense is that? She's four, not that it matters...I'm 38 and I don't want a football to the face either! Do you?

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 01/10/2013 10:38

YANBU.

Because by the time you had found the mother, told her what had happened, persuaded her it would be a good idea to have a word with her son, he would have forgotten all about it.

Your way (and it is what I would have done) shows that actions have consequences. Which in my book, is a good thing.

BornToFolk · 01/10/2013 10:41

I can imagine my five year old crying if another adult told him off as, mostly, he's a well behaved boy that wouldn't intentionally hurt someone else, especially a smaller child.

I wouldn't mind someone telling him off like you did though - he behaved badly, got reprimanded for it, felt bad and cried. Hopefully, he'd remember that and be more careful next time.

No great harm done in the scheme of things. The mum's just being a bit touchy.

D0G · 01/10/2013 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 10:43

Yanbu at all, you simply tod a child to be careful, if him and his mum can't handle that god help them! I would have said the same too

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 10:44

What does he do at school when mummy s not around. Silly woman she is not helping her ds one bit

lottieandmia · 01/10/2013 10:45

YANBU - from what you say it does not sound as if you were harsh in your response.

Original poster
pictish · 01/10/2013 10:45

My son would definitely cry if he got a row from another parent.
If my son had done what this child did, I'd suck it up.

I'm pretty sure she didn't see what happened.

OP posts: