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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:37

Everlong you don't have to be friends with everybody, if she apologises she is admitting she is wrong which in Noway in gods earth s she. Better f you just ignore and move on.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:39

Op had the desired affect on the boy, next time he might be more careful! Wat f tat ball had hit her dd and caused her injury? The mother will have to,bear the responsibility.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:42

Nothing wrong with Chidren being upset be us they got corrected for something tey did wrong. That's how they learn! I was in the park and some older Chidren (9/10) were there, they kicked a ball near me and nearly beheaded me, it feckung hurt, better me than baby ds who was with me. So I'm in a parkso should expect to get hit by balls . I corrected them and tey apologised

everlong · 01/10/2013 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 01/10/2013 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Suzieismyname · 01/10/2013 11:49

Yanbu.

fluffyraggies · 01/10/2013 11:50

Bloody footballs!

Anyway - YWNBU OP.

This 'don't tell my child off, come to me' crap continues towards the teachers and the TAs as well, right through primary school, with some parents.

They imagine we'll stand there in class watching little Jonny beat the daylights out of little Sam because little Jonny's mother likes us to 'go to her first' and when we do speak to her she refuses to believe it of her PFB anyway

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:52

No it wouldn't because I know I did nothing wrong, what if next time te ball he kicks hits someone in te face and causes injury! Then the mum won't be so hoity toity will she, the reason might not be pleased

LemonLies · 01/10/2013 11:54

There are parents who expect the teacher to go to the parent rather than telling the child in their care off? Blimey!

pianodoodle · 01/10/2013 11:54

YANBU you only told him to be more careful - big deal!

I don't understand the reaction of "come and speak to me if you have a problem" completely unnecessary and an automatic jumping to his defence without question regardless of what the incident was...

Why would you have spoken to her unless she was the one booting a football around people's heads?

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 11:55

You just be civil and polite to her, but no apology it will just reinforce her feelings and behaviour

42andcounting · 01/10/2013 11:59

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

Next time? Really?? How about you make sure it doesn't happen again instead? She obviously wasn't watching him, or she would have been having a word herself. Masking a guilty conscience I reckon - YWDNBU. I admire your sentiments in wanting to smooth it over, but not sure if I would be able to give her a graceful 'out' in that situation, myself.

YouTheCat · 01/10/2013 12:02

I wouldn't apologise. You did nothing wrong and her ds being a little bit isn't going to maim him for life. In fact, it'll probably do him some good.

I know you'll have to see this loon every school day but just ignore. Any atmosphere is her fault.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 12:10

To be honest - I addressed him in the fashion I would address one of my own kids. I didn't focus on hin as such, rather than what had occured...iyswim?

I think that's the problem. It can be scary if an adult you don't know tells you off in a very severe way - especially if it was completely accidental.

Yes, you overreacted quickly (understandably), but now, with hindsight, you think you could have reacted better and you did upset him. Perhaps he is an easily upset child. I would just apologise to the Mum for speaking to him that way and explain why you reacted. Personally, I would campaign for no football in the playground before school because this kind of thing will keep on happening without anyone meaning it too.

YouTheCat · 01/10/2013 12:11

How is a stern voice an overreaction?

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 12:14

I think if you do something which is under your control, you can learn from it by being told off. So yes, if some kid hit yours then fair enough to tell them off. In this case, kicking a ball accurately is often out of a small child's control.

They should either not be allowed to play football (in which case you speak to the school or Mum and say you don't think it's a good idea as your small child nearly got hurt) or you don't sit near kids playing football. But it is unreasonable to expect small kids to kick a ball accurately and to learn this from being told off.

magicturnip · 01/10/2013 12:14

Yanbu. Parents who think other adults cannot speak to their children are whack jobs in my opinion. We are meant to be living in a society together which means interacting with other, including with children.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2013 12:15

Because it was kneejerk and unreasonable (as I have explained above). Totally understandable but still both of those things.

YouTheCat · 01/10/2013 12:16

What he learns is not to kick the ball in a crowded playground at drop off/pick up time.

If he wants to improve his skills I'd suggest he joins a club.

funnyossity · 01/10/2013 12:17

Oh no please don't ask for a ban on ball games!

I'm all in favour of telling off clearly, so that children learn how to play considerately.

DuckToWater · 01/10/2013 12:19

YANBU. Don't "smooth anything over". Just ignore her.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 12:20

Don't worry everlong, I have nothing better to do . I think the mum is one of those who will accompany her adult child into job and uni interviews, and march over and give te interviewer a piece of her mind if he does not get the job/place

DuckToWater · 01/10/2013 12:21

They only have lightweight sponge footballs on the playground at DD's school. And they were banned for a week as the boys were hogging them and wouldn't let any girls join in.

SugarHut · 01/10/2013 12:22

Firstly, YANBU. And if it was my DS he would have been marched over to let you know that he was sorry and would pay a lot more attention to his surroundings in future.

But, you have to take into account that the world is populated with precious types. Consider...

DS and I were in the park this morning, he had his new football, he loves it. He was showing me what he had learned. At one point the ball flew off and over the head of a mother and her DD sitting on a nearby bench. Didn't touch them, no harm done, but before I had a chance to tell him to be more careful, this woman is barking at him for nearly hitting her DD!!!! DS was most upset, reduced to tears, he hadn't intended to do it at all. Why do other people feel it is ok do to this? A simple, "Oops, that was close young man, how about you move a little further away so we don't have an accident" with a smile would have been fine, but he did not deserve to be shouted at :(

That's probably her point of view, and she'll feel like it was you very much in the wrong.

I agree with previous posters saying it very much depends on the tone and how loudly you reprimanded him though.

pigletmania · 01/10/2013 12:23

The boy should not be playing near others, next time he will be more careful. It has probably done him the world of good to be told off by someone else!

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