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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spoken sharply to this child?

227 replies

pictish · 01/10/2013 09:53

Sitting on a bench in the playground at school this morning, chatting to a friend, with my daughter sitting on my knee.

A 5 yr old boy playing close by (like three feet away) suddenly boots his football, and it comes right for us, just skiffing the top of my daughters hair.

I exclaimed "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!"

Next thing I know, the mother is looming over me telling me "Don't speak to my son like that! If you've got a problem then come and speak to me!"

I just looked at her aghast and then said "There was no need - it was a fairly minor incident."

She said "Well he's upset now, so next time speak to me!" and then turned heel and stalked off shaking her head.

I see this woman every single day, so I need to know....should I have spoken to her first? I really just reacted without thinking, and my manner was firm, although I certainly didn't shout.
I would have done the same no matter WHO had kicked that ball. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
pixiepotter · 02/10/2013 13:18

Thanks but I'd better leave the cake and wine as I'm on a diet!

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 13:27

Pixi anything can make some children cry, even a look. So you never discipline them! Good, mabey he will think twice before kicking ball over eoples heads in future

pigletmania · 02/10/2013 13:28

It s not nice seeing children cry but he s old enough to understand, he is not toddler!

YouTheCat · 02/10/2013 14:42

I see children regularly that just the thought that they might be about to be told off will set the bottom lip wobbling - seriously.

kali110 · 02/10/2013 18:48

I cAn actually picture that scenerio that pixie said.
Still dont think op was being unreasonable though.
Even if op had used a stern tone or had yelled at the lad i think it was acceptable due to it being a gut reaction.
She didnt do it on purpose, she saw a ball flying at her and her babies head, she didnt have time to put it in a cutesy way.

topknob · 02/10/2013 19:24

I actually shouted at someone else's kid the other week, he was riding his bike up and down our road with all the kids in the road, mine included, he is about 9 and he was shouting out 'it's a gangbang' & 'it's a gang rape' . I shouted to him 'do you have any idea what you just said? don't say it again in front of my children' Harsh maybe but I have no idea who his mother is and he was behaving in a way I didn't think was right.

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 02/10/2013 20:38

You weren't in the wrong here, pictish.

I am the first person to dislike someone getting really cross and nasty with someone else's child. But if they do something potentially dangerous I probably would raise my voice at them.

If they do something a bit naughty, I would tell them to please be careful, or watch what they are doing or something of that nature.

If the parent isn't obviously supervising them, who else is going to tell them? I can't presume someone will, so I feel inclined to do it. Not in a nasty way, but in a matter of fact, that's not advisable to do way.

My daughter is only very little, but if she did something I wouldn't have a problem with someone saying, "Please H, be careful where you are kicking your feet' or such like. It's reasonable for them to say it, in that respect.

I think others showing their support makes it even more obvious you didn't do anything wrong.

I'd just leave the woman to it. If a lot of people are agreeing with you, you might find she backs down eventually reluctantly, to save face. She wont apologise, but will just stop ignoring you. To her, that's enough of an apology for her reaction.

Just let her little Prince Snugglybottom get on with it. I used to have a boy like that in my class at school and he got away with everything as even the teachers didn't like his Mum biting their heads off plus we got dropped off as lived quite a distance away and he had 2 very big, scary dogs.

So yes, hold your head up high. The people around your area sound bonkers!

Spikeytree · 02/10/2013 20:59

There are some parents who still have a go at teachers for telling their child off at secondary school. One particularly memorable moment involved confiscating a can of pop from a 14 year old who opened it mid-lesson after being told not to. His mother was on the phone within 10 minutes of the end of the school day, demanding that I buy him a new can. I could hear him telling her what to shout at me down the phone.

OP, YANBU. If you hadn't said anything and the next kick had landed a ball smack in your daughter's face, that would be unreasonable. Telling a child sharply to be careful when they are in danger of hurting someone is not unreasonable.

alemci · 02/10/2013 21:06

yes would the affronted woman have a go at her precious child's teacher if they told him off in class, is the teacher meant to tell mother first to ask permission to tell dc off.

nevermind op. just confiscate the ball next time and say bah humbug.

Original poster
pictish · 03/10/2013 07:08

Telling a child sharply to be careful when they are in danger of hurting someone is not unreasonable.

I don't think so either.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 03/10/2013 08:06

Nor does any normal parents Pictish

lagoonhaze · 03/10/2013 08:23

Did the child even apologise?

Sallystyle · 03/10/2013 08:41

Did mum actually here what you said?

Just wondered if it was possible that he went running to his mum and made it sound worse?

That is the only reason why I can make sense of why she would act that way. If it was my child I would have been telling him to suck it up and be more careful next time.

Sallystyle · 03/10/2013 08:41

Hear not here.

Just woke up Grin

Original poster
pictish · 03/10/2013 09:21

She did not see what he did, and he has not apologised.Outcome being that little Johnny can do what he likes, but no one is allowed to tell him off, in case it upsets him. Confused

OP posts:
LifeofPo · 03/10/2013 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GangstersLoveToDance · 03/10/2013 09:31

It's so hard to make a call when you only see the conversation written out. The actual words used and volume ('I wasn't shouting') are not really that important. TONE is what matters IMO.

I would have absolutely no problem in someone chastising my dc in a reasonable manner. However, in the situation above, had there been snarling, dirty looks to said 5 year old and an aggressive manner THEN I would have responded in the exact way the woman in the op did.

I haven't read the entire thing...there is also a difference between a 5 year old accidentally kicking the ball, or the 5 year old purposefully kicking it AT someone.

An accident would have got no more than a 'careful lads' from me...but I am used to boisterous 5 year olds, maybe the op is not?

mrsjay · 03/10/2013 09:31

I am always wondering when I read threads like this when did parents start being so precious about their children when did it become such a crime to tell them off or phone a school about a can of red bull Hmm

Original poster
pictish · 03/10/2013 09:57

Those who actually saw him do it, say no - he kicked that ball right at your head.
The friend I was sitting with at the time (saw him this morning) said "Oh come on now, you're being too kind. He aimed that ball square for your face, and thought he was very bloody clever in doing so. You did nothing wrong."

So there you go...me being the way I am, I thought it must have been an accident and that for him to be so upset, I must have done something awful. That's why I started this thread.

I am now confident that it was no accident, and that my response was appropriate and restrained. The woman has been very foolish, and I have no doubt, will continue to be so. Officially bodyswerved.

Last word on the matter. Those who want to have their own version of events, please do.

OP posts:
LemonLies · 03/10/2013 10:12

He was in the park a while ago, throwing bark in people's faces. Xxxx (ds's friend) told his mum and asked her to stop him because his wee sister got it in her eye. 5 minutes later...still throwing bark.

This lad is an overprotected little prince, who isn't used to being told off. That's why he cried.

He aimed that ball square for your face, and thought he was very bloody clever in doing so.

He is a self assured scallywag, who was grinning his head off.

Sounds like it's high time someone told him off and exclaiming "Be careful! You almost hit her in the head!" will do him no harm at all!

LemonLies · 03/10/2013 10:25

The OP has a 12 year old son, so I don't think the issue here is that she is not used to boisterous 5 year olds.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 03/10/2013 10:31

YANBU, she should have told him off first and saved you the bother.

Original poster
pictish · 03/10/2013 10:40

Yes..a 12 year old son, and a 5 going on 6 year old son atm. I am quite accustomed to the trials and tribulations of small boys. And girls...as I have a dd too. She's 4.

OP posts:
lagoonhaze · 03/10/2013 10:50

I'd collar her at school gate when you can. Tell her the way she acted was unnecessary as your words were neither over the top or unnecessary considering the situation. I'd also ask her if she intended on asking her DS to apologise for his actions.

WiddleAndPuke · 03/10/2013 11:11

Oh lol at the responses on here!

Especially the ones who skim read the OP and within 15 posts have completely forgotten what was actually described, so they merrily invent things to suit themselves (I particularly love how exclaiming becomes yelling) Grin

Of course YWNBU. Maybe he learned a lesson - that being careless with footballs can result in annoyed adults. Maybe not. If he'd been mine I'd have definitely have been in the "Oh well that's what happens if you arse about! Be more careful next time" camp but there'll always be feeble parents whose offspring will, apparently, shrivel and die if an adult dares to pull them up on anything Hmm