It's a penis, no?

[MamyPoko]

So, I'm drying my son (nearly 2) after his bath. He grabs his penis, and I say (helpfully) "that's your penis." DH, nearby, counters "that's your pipi, DS." I say, "it's his pipi, but it's also his penis." DH tells me, "people don't like it if you use the proper word"

I look blank. He uses the word penis in relation to his own equipment, so I'm assuming he means people don't like you using the proper terms in relation to small children. I ask for clarification, as to what people, when. He doesn't know, but is adamant (and, apparently, "vagina" is worse). He invokes the BBC guidelines, and claims you wouldn't say penis or vagina on daytime TV unless it was "editorially relevant". Naming a penis a penis is relevant, no?

(I think by "people", he might mean his mother)

Now, I've done sex education with young people with disabilities, and it's really important they learn to use anatomically correct words. It gives them an adult vocabulary which is important for keeping safe, for starting sexual relationships, and for accessing healthcare. It's not right to infantalise them.

DH says it is right to infantalise DS, because he's an infant. He then said, "Go on, ask your Mumsnet"

MY Mumsnet.

Mine started off calling his his "weewee". Which is about right, since that was what it did. Then a bit later he had "nuts" too, because we had to stop him hitting Daddy in the balls/nuts. Now he has a willy and the general area is known as "peanuts" - which will evolve into penis and nuts (as he gets older) - but then he's still only 5, so I'm not worried yet. If he asks me what a penis is then I'll tell him - but we'll get around to the correct anatomical names.

We haven't had any kind of discussion about ladybits, apart from where did DS2 come from? Was it from my weehole or my bumhole? I said no, it was from my vagina, which is the special babyhole and boys don't have them. I then refused to let him look at mine, although showed him diagrams on the computer quite happily. I don't think there is any need for him to be potentially traumatised by seeing Mummy's snatch, quite honestly.

We teach anatomically correct terms at school. It's especially important to stop mix ups and vagueness if a child discloses to you. Not nice but true.

Plus they need to learn the names at some point. Children get confused if you teach them one term then try to change it to another later. Just go with correct ones from the off. It was always willy and vagina in our house, dunno why.

I call my husband's pee-pee "The Punisher". He likes that.

But when you shout 'wash your private parts' you aren't just talking about a penis. You are talking about the whole area.

So saying penis would be incorrect.

I would no more give an ambiguous name to a willy, fanny, vagina, balls -as I would for an arm or elbow or shoulder.

If you named your elbows your 'bob' then you are just making so that if there was an injury that child would struggle to explain what bit hurt. Which is silly.

crowler

Penis and vagina.

As already pointed out, it's about ambiguity as well as not having the air of embarrassment surrounding these words.

I think fanny is better than vagina because vagina is part of a fanny, it's not the whole thing.

In sex abuse cases those words really matter.

"There is far more to a sexual abuse investigation than the words penis and vagina"
Correct MrsDeverre.

That's a very fair point filee777. We collectively call them 'girl bits', but I use the words vulva, vagina and perineum to identify different parts.

Filee, there is nothing ambiguous about a willy, or fanny, or balls, or head, hand, or skin for that matter. I don't need to call our moggy a Felis Catus either.

Do you really think that the majority of times children will be talking about their genitalia is in sex abuse cases, so thus the correct name is critical?

IMO there is a special place for parents who insist that pre school kids must use the "correct" terms for their genitalia - Pseuds Corner

No there isn't.

So use them.

It's not about correct terms its about unambiguous and usual terms. Whether usual in popularity or because they are the correct names. I think it goes too far the other way where the whole fanny is referred to as a 'vagina' which is also incorrect so should be avoided.

It's about being understood and though there is 'more to a sexual abuse case' this is the bit most likely to cause distress to a child as they have to explain these things carefully and without being coerced which is difficult enough without there being a family name for a child's genitals.

It really isn't rocket science, I don't really see what people are finding so hard to understand.

My son calls his a 'widgey'. He hasn't asked about mine. Just says "mum have no widgey". Tbh mine should be called Barren.

I have just asked him if he knows what penis means. He said no so I told him. He's just laughing saying 'no mum, that's silly'

I have just realised he will no doubt repeat at nursery now.

Whats wrong with the term boobs? Everyone knows what they are

People are not finding it hard to understand IMO.
It's just that some ppl think it's ok for their own small children to use words other than the words you have told us to.

I haven't told anyone to use any words, just to make sure they are absolutely unambiguous which 'Minnie' 'winkie' 'tuppence' etc, are.

It's just worth thinking about, rather than continuing to use names that may cause issues for your children (or their children) in the future.

I didn't realise anyone was arguing.

And it most certain does make it easier for the child to be able to talk about what happened to them in a way that is understood. Trust me.

Minnie is ambiguous, fanny is not. Minnie could mean bottom, fanny could not. Vagina is the correct term for the inside of a fanny. Pretty unambiguous.

One of my old ladies calls poo's a 'tuppence' definitely ambiguous.

Do you "correct word" people's children say Abdomen and Buttocks? Can 2 year olds even say Umbilicus?

Maybe not at 2, but by 4 my DD1 uses the words Oesophagus, Epiglottis and Trachea and has a clue as to how each bit is involved when she chokes. I'm not claiming she's B&G but rather that we do use correct anatomical terms as well as their more commonly used names so she's picked it up. I use my OU Human Biology coursebooks to show her what's inside her body. We have used Abdomen (and Thorax) and related it to wasp anatomy showing similarities and differences to humans. So reproductive anatomy is treated the same way with correct terms used and diagrams peered over.

OP so are you both claiming a moral victory or a total win? After all he has agreed to the use of the word penis