It's a penis, no?

[MamyPoko]

So, I'm drying my son (nearly 2) after his bath. He grabs his penis, and I say (helpfully) "that's your penis." DH, nearby, counters "that's your pipi, DS." I say, "it's his pipi, but it's also his penis." DH tells me, "people don't like it if you use the proper word"

I look blank. He uses the word penis in relation to his own equipment, so I'm assuming he means people don't like you using the proper terms in relation to small children. I ask for clarification, as to what people, when. He doesn't know, but is adamant (and, apparently, "vagina" is worse). He invokes the BBC guidelines, and claims you wouldn't say penis or vagina on daytime TV unless it was "editorially relevant". Naming a penis a penis is relevant, no?

(I think by "people", he might mean his mother)

Now, I've done sex education with young people with disabilities, and it's really important they learn to use anatomically correct words. It gives them an adult vocabulary which is important for keeping safe, for starting sexual relationships, and for accessing healthcare. It's not right to infantalise them.

DH says it is right to infantalise DS, because he's an infant. He then said, "Go on, ask your Mumsnet"

MY Mumsnet.

It was the police more than the SW to be honest. They were not particularly friendly about it all and as you said, it's about finding something out without putting words in a child's mouth so it took much longer than it would have if I'd have had the language to say 'he touched my fanny but not my vagina'

It would have been a good 'currency' for me to have in that situation.

I don't think there's a problem with children knowing the anatomical names for their genitalia by the way, I just think that using them in everyday life can sound a little bald for want of a better word, so mine use the nicknames instead. Ds certainly knows what a penis and testicles are, and dd knows that a vagina is a tunnel between the cosy warm place inside where babies grow and the outside where they are born, she also knows what a vulva is because she had thrush a couple of years back and the gp examined her and referred to it and she asked me later what it was.

Meh. If he was talking about his pipi, you'd clearly know what he meant. I can't believe how many people are trotting out crap about how time consuming it'd be to work out the meaning of various pretty fucking well known and obvious words. Ridiculous, get a grip. If there was a police investigation where a 2 or 3yo had to tell the police about their 'penis', I'm sure they'd spend exactly the same amount of time establishing what exactly the toddler meant by that as they would about their 'pipi', and I'm sure it would be exactly as stressful.

Who cares if you 'infantalising' a 2yo?! I think it's fine. A penis is fine too, but if he's going to shout one of those words around nursery or Tesco (and they do sometimes!) then it'd be less embarrassing and you would get fewer looks if he was shouting pipi!

Sorry Filee777

It's not just about the 'pipi' though mike

It would be about the foreskin, the tesicles, the scrotum.

What was touched? In what way? Did it hurt? From what angle?

And for girls more detail, and different understanding of 'inside' etc etc.

We need to teach our children about their bodies properly.

It's okay thereal I am okay having this discussion and I don't want anyone to feel bad for expressing their views, if I thought it would upset me personally I wouldn't have got involved.

Obviously it's something I have vested interest in people understanding but please don't be sorry for sharing your views.

Thanks Filee* i feel comfortable sharing my view.
But I am sorry about what you went through as a child.
And I am interested to hear your view on this.

I didn't know I had a vagina until I was 10 and was told how babies are made from a school friend. The outer lips/labia can be easily seen and also knew that is where the wee came from < it was another 10 years before I found where my urethra was>.
We called ours a wee wee, DB's too. His wee came out of there too.
Simples

filee and little and others, I'm convinced. It will be penis all the way in this house. I can see it's a choice to make as parents, and that for some it's more comfortable to use euphemisms, but I don't feel uncomfortable using the proper terms, and I don't care if it raises eyebrows, especially given there is the horrific chance of circumstances when you wouldn't want any ambiguity.

Filee I'm so sorry you experienced that.

DH says he's not a prude, he's happy to refer to DS's penis as a penis, but is claiming a moral victory as it's been established on Mumsnet that "people don't like it".

In my house we just say penis and vagina and breasts. We run around the house naked too :-p well, if it's warm enough. Funnily enough though I would be embarrassed if my dc started talking about penises and vaginas in front of my parents but luckily my kids are much less embarrassed than I was. culture of embarrassment actively encouraged in my household growing up I think!

Yeah I'm sorry too but to be honest the police interview was pretty much more trumatic than the event. Sounds weird but it's true

I didn't know myself well enough to know how bad it was and I didn't know how to explain myself properly which was tough.

It's difficult but it's important children know their bits and pieces well and can talk about them properly if needed too.

I do use the correct words (only vagina's in this house) but we do sometimes call it our 'fanny fandango' when being silly

so imagine the kids delight and absolute hilarity on discovery of a Moshi Monster called 'Bushy Fandango'

It's Winkle and Fairy in our house - I'm afraid that hearing my 2.5 yr old son saying "Daddy has a penis & Mummy has a vagina" would probably make me a bit sick in my mouth.
He has plenty of time to learn to be anatomically correct and awfully grown up when he's at school (say about 16).

it will be penis all the way in this house genius!
Best line of the day, as it were.

It's a penis. I fail to see why there is a need for cutesy names when the appendages in question have their own, perfectly useable, names.

alwayswashing I sincerely hope you are joking.

How absolutely cringe-making to hear a 3 yr old talk about her vulva! It just sounds awful and I am unconvinced about it being necessary all this police stuff.
Strange how people pick uponm that rather than the morelikely scenario of having to talk to a doctor about your privates.

Do you "correct word" people's children say Abdomen and Buttocks? Can 2 year olds even say Umbilicus?
Everyone knows what a willy is, we just need a female equivalent.

Female equivalent is definitely fanny.

There is a balance I think between healthy body image (the unemotional use of anatomically correct words) and equipping our children for playground conversation (words that are actually used in real life). I remember a school friend explaining to me what it means when a man comes because I didn't know, when my fabulous forward thinking mum had taught me all about ejaculation

So dual language in our house: willy and penis.

littlewhitebag being flippant about the being 16 part of course. But am quite sure about the rest.

Mimsy, all parts of the body have their own perfectly good names, the clavicle, the patella etc, but they are commonly known as something else. I've only ever heard medical professionals refer to the clavicle, everyone else calls it the collar bone. Same for the kneecap.

formerdive I agree absolutely. Use familiar/slang terms at home or with friends, but be aware of the correct names too.

I wish there was a non-vulgar term for shit that the media could use. Faeces seems too medical, but "pooh" (used even by TV doctors) seems infantile, but I don't know any alternative term they could use.

Good point milke it's simplifying the issue to focus solely on terminology.