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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pass things on for free?

122 replies

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 16:29

Name change!

Work mate has been cornering me for weeks to arrange to come over so that she can pass on some books her kids are too old for. She dropped them off last night while I was out and a bemused DH phoned me soon after to say that she was expecting money for them...Thinking he had the wrong end of the stick I sent her a message to say thank you, do you want anything for them? Message came back 'some of them were quite expensive but give me what you think.'

So now what do I do?? There are about 5 large reference type books- how things work, that sort of thing, and 15 paperbacks- Diary of a Wimpy Kid type books...Normally when I pass things on to friends I expect nothing and am delighted with a bottle of wine. Likewise if someone gives me a hand-me-down I give them wine or chocolates or something...

It doesn't sit well with me that this friend has given me these books intending for me to pay! Had she said 'I'm going to e-bay these but will give you first dibs- I'm looking for x-amount for them' then I'd have known where I stood - I neither wanted or asked for these books- they were offered! They were a gift I thought! While they are very nice books and my kids like them, again they are not short of books and I wasn't looking to BUY them any more!

I know I'm over a barrel here and will pay up and put it own to experience...but how much?? 20 quid? Will check responses after work!

OP posts:
BuskersCat · 12/09/2013 16:32

I'd say 'I'm sorry I didn't know you wanted money for them, we cant really afford it at the moment, I'll drop them back at yours on x day sorry about the confusion'

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/09/2013 16:32

That's weird and I would give them back. I have one friend who sells all her kids' old stuff but she is really upfront about it. This wasn't. Give them back.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/09/2013 16:33

I'd give her the books straight back!!

Why are so people so quick to try and make a profit out of others?
It disgusts me, where is just good old, human kindness??

Tweenangst · 12/09/2013 16:33

I bet she is bloody loaded as well.

PeterParkerSays · 12/09/2013 16:35

I'd give them back. Either she says she's selling them, or she's giving them to you, but this isn't on.

Explain that you originally thought that they were a gift, but as that's not the case, you're not looking to buy any books for the kids right now but thanks for the offer.

DancingLady · 12/09/2013 16:35

Erm no YANBU. She is. Give them back - she's being bloody rude.

FrenchRuby · 12/09/2013 16:35

Arggh my friend did this to me! Said to me 'I have some baby stuff for you' so I was like 'oh great thanks!!' She dropped them off and I said thank you so much offered a coffee and chat etc and she said 'oh no I've got a shoot off, you can pay me for the baby stuff when I see you on Saturday' I gave her £20 in the end but was really pissed off that it wasn't mentioned in the first place!

itstheyearzero · 12/09/2013 16:39

This happened to me. i visited a friend (not close) who handed me a pile of clothes for DS. I was really pleased, especially as i wasn't expecting them. Then she said I would really like a tenner for that jacket, it wasn't cheap. I felt really cornered! I ended up giving her the cash even though the jacket was not the type of thing i would choose for DS. Totally awkward situation!

VodkaJelly · 12/09/2013 16:40

My friend is like this, everything has to be sold, nothing can be given away. All baby clothes etc are sold.

I gave my DD's baby clothes away to a friend who's daughter had just had a baby and was very short of money. I didnt want a penny for them. I have never understood why everything has to be sold now.

WeAreEternal · 12/09/2013 16:42

I would just say "I'm sorry I didn't realise you wanted me to pay you for them, when you offered to give them to me you never mentioned wanting any money in return. I think I would just be easiest if I give you the books back so that you can sell them to someone that really wants them."

Even I'd I really wanted the books I would give them back on principle, she is a cheaky cow.

DancingLady · 12/09/2013 16:43

these "friends" you speak of... they're not really friends.

I've given loads of DD's clothing to friends with younger daughters, never asked for - or expected - any money for it at all. And we've received loads of cast-offs for DD from friends and family, and it has never crossed my mind to pay! If it's my sis or something I'll buy her a coffee when we're out, or if a more distant family member I'll send a thank-you card.

Honestly think a true friend would not ask for or expect payment. Confused

MajesticWhine · 12/09/2013 16:45

Yes, I think the brave thing to do would be to say "Sorry, I misunderstood, I didn't realise you were selling them to me, perhaps I had better let you have them back and you can probably do better on Ebay". But in reality I might chicken out and give her £20 and make sure not to get caught out again.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 12/09/2013 16:45

Say "I've let the DC look at them and they don't fancy them...thanks for offering me the chance but I won't be buying them." Smile

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 12/09/2013 16:48

Giving things away can sometimes make you feel a bit annoyed if the recipient isn't very gracious. My sister gave me two binbags of her DSs lovely clothes for my TWO friends who have sons. I offered the bags to friend one and said "Look through and see what you'd like...X has a boy too and I'll let her see after you."

And she TOOK THE LOT! Shock She said "Well I'd like them all...." I just let her as I was gobsmacked! They were lovely things and she should have chosen half...never mind though.

brainwashed · 12/09/2013 16:48

I've given loads of stuff to my NDN for her kids....I'm just glad to free up space in my house by getting rid of toys that mine no longer play with. Never dreamed of selling them but probably could have made quite a bit of money if I had.

minidipper · 12/09/2013 16:49

Neomaxi's phrasing is perfect.

Tiredmumno1 · 12/09/2013 16:50

I'd go with something along the lines of what Neo said.

Whatever you do, don't give her any of your money. Just ask yourself if you were to go out and buy the kids books, would it be those books that you would be looking at buying? Hypothetically of course.

If the answer is no, then don't let her force you into buying something that you didn't really want in the
first place.

Lj8893 · 12/09/2013 16:51

I have never understood this either!

If you have things you want money for you put them on eBay or do a car boot etc. if you think a friend might be interested you offer them first dibs.....making it clear you expect to be paid for them.

Don't just offload things that they may or may not want and then mention you want money for it!

DidoTheDodo · 12/09/2013 16:53

Some people are jaw-droppingly rude. you do her a favour by helping her clear out her junk and she expects payment?? I think not.
Very tactful replies above!

Bumblequeen · 12/09/2013 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2013 16:58

How ridiculously rude! Just tell her your kids aren't interested and lob them back at her. Some of them were quite expensive, indeed!

MaxPepsi · 12/09/2013 16:59

She's bloody rude.

If you want to sell things fine, but you say that upfront.

Not after you have offered them!

Give her them back.

StuntGirl · 12/09/2013 17:02

Tell her as she hadn't mentioned payment at all you didn't realise she wanted money for them, so when would be a convenient time to bring them back round?

Weller · 12/09/2013 17:04

If she is blunt enough to ask for money you can bluntly say no. If you give money you will probably be slated for not giving enough.

nickelbabe · 12/09/2013 17:20

I agree - if she didn't make it clear when she offered you the books that she wanted money for them, then tough shit.

"can I pass some books onto your child?" says "I'm trying to get rid of them, please have them"

she would have to say "I've got some books that I want to pass on, but I want to sell them ,rather than give them away, are you interested?"

the way she's done it is very underhanded, because you have already accepted them, and you might be inclined to pay her for them to save yourself embarrassment.
I personally wouldn't be embarrassed "You didn't say you wanted money for them - i wouldn't have said yes if I'd known you wanted me to buy them."