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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pass things on for free?

122 replies

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 16:29

Name change!

Work mate has been cornering me for weeks to arrange to come over so that she can pass on some books her kids are too old for. She dropped them off last night while I was out and a bemused DH phoned me soon after to say that she was expecting money for them...Thinking he had the wrong end of the stick I sent her a message to say thank you, do you want anything for them? Message came back 'some of them were quite expensive but give me what you think.'

So now what do I do?? There are about 5 large reference type books- how things work, that sort of thing, and 15 paperbacks- Diary of a Wimpy Kid type books...Normally when I pass things on to friends I expect nothing and am delighted with a bottle of wine. Likewise if someone gives me a hand-me-down I give them wine or chocolates or something...

It doesn't sit well with me that this friend has given me these books intending for me to pay! Had she said 'I'm going to e-bay these but will give you first dibs- I'm looking for x-amount for them' then I'd have known where I stood - I neither wanted or asked for these books- they were offered! They were a gift I thought! While they are very nice books and my kids like them, again they are not short of books and I wasn't looking to BUY them any more!

I know I'm over a barrel here and will pay up and put it own to experience...but how much?? 20 quid? Will check responses after work!

OP posts:

SimplyRedHead · 12/09/2013 17:20

I'm afraid I sell almost all of my second hand stuff including baby clothes. I'm not in a position to give them away (as much as I'd like to I just can't afford it).

I recycle the money and use it to buy the next size up second hand stuff. Friends give me things for free and I'm very grateful (and always give them away afterwards).

I am always very upfront about expecting payment, and stating the price etc. I'm not forceful in any way and (hopefully) never make anyone feel obliged to buy.

I have also set up a Facebook group for other local parents to buy / sell / give away their kids stuff. Most people are selling / buying but about 20% of stuff is given for free.

Not everyone can afford to just throw money away by passing on everything to friends for free.

nickelbabe · 12/09/2013 17:21

oh, and Give them back.

you don't want or need them , so give them back.

SimplyRedHead · 12/09/2013 17:21

Ps - the 'friend' in the OP was totally out of order though if she didn't mention money.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 12/09/2013 17:25

I would never sell to friends. Give to friends (or Charity), sell to strangers

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 12/09/2013 17:26

...but I don't think it's out of order to do it of you are upfront about it.

mumofthemonsters808 · 12/09/2013 17:33

Do not fall for this, if you do it will become a regular thing and everything she no longer requires will be sent your way as an extra way to generate cash. How cheeky is she ?, I'm angry on your behalf.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 17:41

I'd give them back with what Busker said and I think she is fucking cheeky to not have told you she wanted money.

nickelbabe · 12/09/2013 17:43

Simply - absolutely nothing wrong with selling your stuff - why not, a lot of it might have value.

But as you say, you always state upfront that you want money for it - it's not saying you want money and then asking after the goods have been accepted that's wrong.

doublemuvver · 12/09/2013 17:46

I've had the opposite, given stuff to a friend for free and she has insisted on paying! She hid a tender in the spout of my teapot.

doublemuvver · 12/09/2013 17:47

**tenner

ShadowSummer · 12/09/2013 17:49

This sounds really annoying of your friend.

It's one thing wanting money for second hand stuff if you're strapped for cash or whatever, but in that case, your friend should have been totally clear and upfront in advance about wanting money.

Irt's out of order to hand them and then demand money without having breathed a word about money first. Very underhanded.

Personally, unless they were books that I or my DC really really liked, I'd be inclined to just say that you've had a look and don't think the DC would like them after all, and then hand them back.

teenagetantrums · 12/09/2013 17:51

I always give stuff away for free to friends, get a bit miffed when they then sell it on, one friend told me how she had sold one item for £80, forgetting I had given it to her, but I gave it to her and it was hers to do what she wanted with. Things are tight now so I sell what I can as I need the money, but would give something away if someone needed it. I would never offer someone something and then turn up asking for money I wouldn't have the nerve.

Saffyz · 12/09/2013 17:54

"Friends" should not be asking for payment after having already given you something which appeared to be a gift!

Give them back and say what BuskersCat suggests.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 17:56

Don't be embarrrassed, either.

DipMeInChocolate · 12/09/2013 17:57

Agree with returning them. "As I wasn't aware they weren't a gift until you dropped them off, I've brought them back so you are able to sell them on" youcheekybitch

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 17:57

'I would never offer someone something and then turn up asking for money I wouldn't have the nerve.'

No, it's because you are not a cheeky pisstaker who wants to sell something without bothering to go through selling it.

BrokenSunglasses · 12/09/2013 17:59

Give her the books back. She's rude.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 18:00

'I know I'm over a barrel here and will pay up and put it own to experience...but how much?? 20 quid? Will check responses after work!'

No, you aren't. You just do what Busker says.

alpinemeadow · 12/09/2013 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 18:01

What a cheek!
I'd be tempted to say "I'm sorry, my understanding was that you were giving me these as a gift. If you would like money for these I'm happy to sell them for you on ebay and split the profit 70:30"

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 12/09/2013 18:02

alpine - so true. I've just had a first foray into selling toy cars. Really good condition. Not worth it

pictish · 12/09/2013 18:03

I agree with Buskerscat. That's what I'd do.
"Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I didn't realise you wanted money for the books. I'm not looking to buy any atm, as we're a bit skint. I'll bring them back as soon as it suits you. Thanks anyway."

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 18:04

yes exactly. I've spectacularly failed to sell many books on ebay. You'd be giving her money she otherwise probably wouldn't get. To end up with a load of stuff you otherwise wouldn't pay for.
She's making a mug of you!

Tabby1963 · 12/09/2013 18:04

Offer her 20p per book (that your child wants) and see what she says. Explain that it is your child's pocket money that she'll be getting...

Oh, and never trust her again, particularly where money is concerned.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 18:04

' If you would like money for these I'm happy to sell them for you on ebay and split the profit 70:30" '

Why do that? It's a PITA to sell on Ebay, that is why this cheeky mare tried to pull this stunt.

Give them back! Take 'em to work and give 'em back in a bag. 'I hadn't realised you were looking to sell these. Things are really tight at the moment and we can't afford it. Best of luck in selling them on.'

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