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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pass things on for free?

122 replies

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 16:29

Name change!

Work mate has been cornering me for weeks to arrange to come over so that she can pass on some books her kids are too old for. She dropped them off last night while I was out and a bemused DH phoned me soon after to say that she was expecting money for them...Thinking he had the wrong end of the stick I sent her a message to say thank you, do you want anything for them? Message came back 'some of them were quite expensive but give me what you think.'

So now what do I do?? There are about 5 large reference type books- how things work, that sort of thing, and 15 paperbacks- Diary of a Wimpy Kid type books...Normally when I pass things on to friends I expect nothing and am delighted with a bottle of wine. Likewise if someone gives me a hand-me-down I give them wine or chocolates or something...

It doesn't sit well with me that this friend has given me these books intending for me to pay! Had she said 'I'm going to e-bay these but will give you first dibs- I'm looking for x-amount for them' then I'd have known where I stood - I neither wanted or asked for these books- they were offered! They were a gift I thought! While they are very nice books and my kids like them, again they are not short of books and I wasn't looking to BUY them any more!

I know I'm over a barrel here and will pay up and put it own to experience...but how much?? 20 quid? Will check responses after work!

OP posts:

Dubjackeen · 12/09/2013 22:32

Jeepers, I cannot get over her cheek. Basically, she gets to clear out stuff, and tells you to pay her for it. No thanks. If you give her anything, she will do it again. Polite eff off text is the way to go.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 22:44

Yeah, see, I'm just as ballsy back to such pisstakers. I'm quite poor but as mentioned, it doesn't turn you into a cheeky pisstaker. There are plenty of ways to sell. Some companies even have For Sale/Wanted boards or you can suggest one to HR and offer to run it. You don't rip the piss out of people! Even some who may appear rich might have debts, be paying for care for someone, have a child who needs specialist care not covered by teh NHS, etc. None of my business, really.

I give away A LOT of stuff because I can't be arsed to flog it and feel it is paying it forward, IYKWIM. But stuff I sell I sell it upfront, no, 'Oh, want this?' and then tell them you want money. WTF? 'This is for sale for £x or nearest reasonable offer,' or put it to auction with reserve or go to a boot sale and haggle.

It fucks me off when people take advantage like this and I'm someone who's delaying putting on the heating as long as possible.

The whole 'Give me what you think,' is designed to prey on your guilt and embarrassment.

From here I've learned, because I don't sell books, that they get FA. So Id go with a fiver and then use it as an out.

'I was hoping for more.'
'Oh, that is unfortunate because I misunderstood and didn't realised you were looking to sell. I shall return them on Monday.' Even if you have to cop out and send your H to hers to drop them off.

Short and sweet, by text, no confrontation and she doesn't get the idea you're someone she can swing by, dump her shite and expect you to stump up.

Original poster

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 22:57

Thanks expat...you're a good egg. Xx

OP posts:

YeahWhat · 12/09/2013 23:07

OP, I can't believe you are going to give her money
Give her the books back and tell her you have changed your mind. It is as simple as that! I can't see any reason why that would be embarrassing. It's true.

DameDeepRedBetty · 12/09/2013 23:08

Nice one Expat. Have just spent about half the evening persuading my (lovely but not very down-to-earth yet) new apprentice that text rather than voice to voice conversation is the best way to deal with faintly stroppy clients... you've put it beautifully.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 23:18

Definitely text or email to do the bit that's the worst for you if you're not up to face-to-face. And use willing others if you can. I'd be more than willing to act as go-between and have. I just keep it to the point and stay out of any conversation beyond here is your shit, you cheeky fecker, have a nice day (NOT). More than willing to be the balls and have written and chased up tons of complaints and such on people who just take the royal piss.

Most of the time you find, it's almost never someone who is totally brassic on the bones of their arse. Such people tend to the be the ones who put the stuff on FB for a fiver or flog on Amazon behind a masque for fixed price.

SomethingOnce · 12/09/2013 23:21

Ruuuuude!

Either offer for sale or give.

SomethingOnce · 12/09/2013 23:24

OP, just send her a link to this thread.

queenofdrama · 12/09/2013 23:45

Yanbu. She was pestering you & had made no mention about wanting payment for the books. Return them asap. What a cheeky cow.

burberryqueen · 12/09/2013 23:49

yep bag em up, leave them on her desk, say 'thanks but no thanks'

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 12/09/2013 23:55

AIBU to ask where all the crazies are from? OP what a nut job that lady is. Give her tat back.

Original poster

amistoopid · 13/09/2013 22:01

Update! I put ten quid in an envelope an put it in her tray...She didn't even acknowledge it...I ended up phoning her and asking if she got it... 'Oh yes, thanks very much, I hadn't seen you to say thank you.'...So I'm back to feling uncomfortable, like I've underpaid (for something I thought was a gift!)

Yep, I'm a mug, and a coward but have had my eyes opened...

OP posts:

girliefriend · 13/09/2013 22:12

I find this whole set up really weird, if someone offered me something like books or kids clothes the first thing I would say is 'would you like something for them...?'

If they said 'just what you think they are worth' I would push for a figure and say something along the lines of 'oh I am no good with guessing, just give me a figure'

At that point I could say 'thanks a lot or thanks for the offer but I can't afford that right now'

I have given away almost all of dds old clothes either to charity shops or friends babies, never occurred to me to ask for any money. I saw it as karma and have always been lucky in that I have lots of things donated to me as well!!

Having said that the fb buying and selling kids stuff wasn't about when dd was little

Original poster

amistoopid · 13/09/2013 22:21

It didn't occur to me that she was selling them to me- she pursued me and gave me the impression that she was having a clear out!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/09/2013 22:23

Do not give this cheeky bitch a penny more! Honestly, keep your distance. She is shockingly rude.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2013 22:25

It would never occur to me to offer money to someone if they offered me clothes or books because I would assume that, if they wanted to sell them they would not be offering them but getting off their lazy backsides and flogging them at a boot sale, Ebay, Gumtree, FB, etc.

Original poster

amistoopid · 13/09/2013 22:30

I know expat, but it's done now and has made me a bit more street savvy in the process...saved my liver a little too- that could've been 3 bottles of vino for a tenner at Asda!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/09/2013 22:33

She offers again, 'NO, thanks,' over and over and over until she gets the hint.

jessieagain · 13/09/2013 22:35

I feel sad for you op :( but at least you will know for next time if she tries to do the same again.

LazyGaga · 13/09/2013 22:50

It's done. Don't give the cheeky mare another thought, well, until the next time she 'offers' you her cast offs that is - then you think back to this thread and reply "No thanks, I'm not looking to buy any shite XYZ at the moment, now stop hawking your crap around and get back to work."

Be strong!

daisychain01 · 13/09/2013 22:56

Another vote for giving her the books back.

She offered, you didnt ask for them, so fine she can take them right back!

aquashiv · 13/09/2013 23:10

Wow what a skin flint. I never sell to friends we pass things onto each other blimey. Buy her a coffee and a biscuit charge her a fiver.

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