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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pass things on for free?

122 replies

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 16:29

Name change!

Work mate has been cornering me for weeks to arrange to come over so that she can pass on some books her kids are too old for. She dropped them off last night while I was out and a bemused DH phoned me soon after to say that she was expecting money for them...Thinking he had the wrong end of the stick I sent her a message to say thank you, do you want anything for them? Message came back 'some of them were quite expensive but give me what you think.'

So now what do I do?? There are about 5 large reference type books- how things work, that sort of thing, and 15 paperbacks- Diary of a Wimpy Kid type books...Normally when I pass things on to friends I expect nothing and am delighted with a bottle of wine. Likewise if someone gives me a hand-me-down I give them wine or chocolates or something...

It doesn't sit well with me that this friend has given me these books intending for me to pay! Had she said 'I'm going to e-bay these but will give you first dibs- I'm looking for x-amount for them' then I'd have known where I stood - I neither wanted or asked for these books- they were offered! They were a gift I thought! While they are very nice books and my kids like them, again they are not short of books and I wasn't looking to BUY them any more!

I know I'm over a barrel here and will pay up and put it own to experience...but how much?? 20 quid? Will check responses after work!

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/09/2013 18:05

Just give them back - tell her you had no idea she wanted money for the books, and leave it at that.

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 18:05

Yes but the OP keeps 7-0%

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 18:06

BUt I agree few will sell. At which point the OP hands them back with a "sorry, no one wanted to buy these." BTW you owe me £3.40 seller fees"

AndHarry · 12/09/2013 18:07

Send one of the very tactful texts and give them back to her.

I've passed on loads of stuff for free and sold other bits. There's nothing wrong with either approach but it's cheeky and rude to be underhand about it.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 18:07

Of possibly FA, for the pain in the arse that is selling on Ebay. It costs her nothing and no time to do what pictish and Busker said.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 18:09

'BUt I agree few will sell. At which point the OP hands them back with a "sorry, no one wanted to buy these." BTW you owe me £3.40 seller fees"
wink'

What is the point of that, especially if the OP doesn't even have an Ebay account? And then she's waiting for this cheeky mare to pay up?

You give 'em back for free and be done with it.

pictish · 12/09/2013 18:10

Yes..give them to her at work straightaway in a bag. Foist the blasted things back on to her. She really is the cheekiest bunch of arse doing that to you.
Discourage a repeat performance firmly.
You'll feel brilliant if you do.
Bright and breezy OP, bright and breezy. Dump and run.

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 18:12

It was just a suggestion. TBH I'd hope it would make the point that actually the OP has the right to refuse and that other buyers would likely do the same. And that actually selling stuff is hard work - hence the OP makes money from it.
Anyway, I also agree with handing them back if that's easier.

alpinemeadow · 12/09/2013 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lollydaydream · 12/09/2013 18:19

v cheeky of her not to be upfront. If you don't want to just pass them back I'd pick one or two and say ' the children have looked through and would like these, I'll give you £1 each' if she ask for anymore you can easily say no that's all I would pay.

alpinemeadow · 12/09/2013 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

choccyp1g · 12/09/2013 18:35

Something like this happened to me years ago; a friend of a friend GAVE me a cheap tatty table for my caravan which he told me he wanted to get rid of. Months later, he ran into the first friend and said "Choccy still hasn't paid me for that table, would you mind paying and settle up with her when you see her"

So she paid far more than it was worth, and obviously I had to repay her.

Funny thing, thinking about it now, I can't work out what happened to the table in the end. It must have got lost in the many house/caravan moves.

InMySpareTime · 12/09/2013 18:36

Dig out some crap you want rid of, drop it round at her house and breezily say "can't stop, fair's fair, here's some stuff in payment for the books. Thanks"
Then leave sharpish before she realises what's happened.

MintyChops · 12/09/2013 19:00

Cheeky mare, send her a text saying there has been a misunderstanding, you did 't realise she was selling them and don't feel comfortable suggesting a price for something you hadn't agreed tobuy then give them back to her ASAP.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 12/09/2013 19:18

Teenage I have begun having a major turnout of clothes and have passed on a lot to friends/friends of friends, including some nice bits I spent "real" money on and that would resell well on Ebay. I asked my DH if he wanted me to try and sell them, but he was happy for them to be passed on, as we have benefited from such goody bags in the past (and because Ebay can be a lot of effort for little return and I have 4 DCs and no time). When handing the bags over, I asked that, if there was stuff they didn't want, that they pass it on to someone who could use it or, if they gave it to a charity shop, if they could not donate to my local ones so I don't see my old clothes for sale. Obviously, you can't control what they do, but it is rather poor form not to pass on things you don't need if they cost you nothing (or, it seems to be in my circle anyway).

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 19:19

Why would it bother you to see your old clothes for sale

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 12/09/2013 19:22

pictish

"the cheekiest bunch of arse" - love it

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 12/09/2013 19:26

SPB well, I regularly use such shops and would find it a bit uncomfortable to see people picking over my clothes and the value the shop placed on them. My oddity, perhaps, but it harms no one. Stuff for charity shops I usually swap with Mummy, so her stuff goes into shops here and mine there (also good for disposing of unwated presents tactfully!).

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 19:42

Oh I see. Fair enough. I'm probably not observant enough :o I might glance up and think "I used to have a top like that..." but that would be the end of it!

Oceansurf · 12/09/2013 19:54

Another one here for being breezy and saying no!

Cheeky mare!

Original poster

amistoopid · 12/09/2013 19:58

Wow! Thanks for all the responses! Glad to hear that others find this odd and rude too. I'm going to give her the money though- I haven't got the balls to give them back...She saw me coming didn't she? Fantastic advice from you all and some great one-liners that I'm too much of a mug to use! I'm not usually a pushover, just didn't expect this! I've passed on all sorts of stuff to friends and in particular a baby bouncer that vibrates has been used by every newborn in our department...just passes on from friend to friend...Oh we'll, you live and learn!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 20:05

'I'm going to give her the money though- I haven't got the balls to give them back...'

WTF?! Are you for real?

And from now on, she will take you for a ride.

Offer her a fiver, or be her mug.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 20:06

Wow, that is pretty stupid.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 12/09/2013 20:06

My mum still smarts about the high chair she passed on to a pg friend. When my mum's sister subsequently got pg she asked for it back and was told the friend had sold the highchair.
Fair enough not to want to keep things you have no further use for, but it seems particularly grasping to sell something that was given to you.

expatinscotland · 12/09/2013 20:08

Pretty grasping to ask for something you gave away, without stating upfront that is was a loan, back, too, IMO.

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