to not want to speak to this person again despite him being my hisband's best friend?

[catlady123]

Have namechanged for this, I usually post in a different part of MN. I wanted people’s views on something that has upset me terribly and whether I am being unreasonable, as my husband thinks.

My husband has a best friend who is/was also a good friend of mine. He was over for dinner last night. I mentioned to him in the course of conversation that I am struggling emotionally with the fact that my fragile, old cat has become quite incontinent and I am wondering whether she should be put down at some point as she is soiling the house several times a day and I have a toddler. I have had this cat for over 17 years, through thick and thin in my life and this would be huge thing for me. I mentioned that I had thought of possible asking the vet to come to the house to do the deed without distressing her in any way, but also that I am far from coming to a decision on this yet.

His comment was that I should not do that but should take her a few hours drive away from home and then just let her out into the wild and “let nature take its course”. I was so shocked by this that I could not speak for a while, I then became very upset and refused to have dinner with him, going upstairs to bed instead. I later told my husband that I do not want anything to do with this friend again and that animal cruelty is something I cannot tolerate. I was absolutely shocked that the friend could think that I would take my beloved old cat and do this to her.

My husband’s view was that I was very rude to his friend, that I am being ridiculous, and that “everyone is entitled to their opinion”, although he himself would not actually do this to the cat. This caused a huge fight which has gone on much of the night. I don’t know what to say now. My husband tells me his friend will apologise for what he said. I can’t see that an apology would make any difference, he still thought that such cruelty was OK and that I would do something like this, how can apology for having expressed the opinion change that?

[catlady123]

It's not a lifetime frendship by any means, it's just been a few years, but my husband is certainly close to him, and I had always thought him very nice up to now.

[Tabby1963]

Oh dear, what an insensitive thing to say! He's a twonk of the highest order. You need to get over it though, never speaking to him again is just plain silly. You do see that, don't you? You are an adult not a little child.

My boy (my adorable soul mate cat) was put down by the vet at the age of 18 seven years and three months ago. It was an incredibly sad time for me. If someone (family friend or otherwise) had said to me "take him to a remote place and let nature take its course" I would have replied "bugger off you sod, else I'll do the same to you" or something. Certainly not take it so personally.

[Tabby1963]

Oh dear, what an insensitive thing to say! He's a twonk of the highest order. You need to get over it though, never speaking to him again is just plain silly. You do see that, don't you? You are an adult not a little child.

My boy (my adorable soul mate cat) was put down by the vet at the age of 18 seven years and three months ago. It was an incredibly sad time for me. If someone (family friend or otherwise) had said to me "take him to a remote place and let nature take its course" I would have replied "bugger off you sod, else I'll do the same to you" or something. Certainly not take it so personally.

[Tabby1963]

I swear I only posted that message once!!

[Thepowerof3]

Its a massive over reaction and I dont see the correlation between his comment and agreeing with bloody genocide, its offensive to talk about it in the same breath and as for thinking several mnetters would think 'hitler had a point' was a throwaway comment, well I bloody hope not!

[spanky2]

You are not over reacting . That is a callous thing to say. It makes me want to drive him to the country side and let nature take it'scourse. No wait ...
I would have asked him to leave .

[spanky2]

We have spent over £1300 on our 15 year old cat since May .

[trixymalixy]

Thoughtless comment from him, but I think you overreacted.

[bouncysmiley]

Sorry bit you are completly overreacting. It sounds like a bad joke and he should have realised it was in poor taste and you are understandably upsett as he hit a nerve but YABU. You probably both need to apologise to each other.

[elfycat]

YANBU. Had someone said that about my cat I think I'd have stood up, pointed at the door and shouted 'OUT'. Out of my house and out of my life.

I have no time for prats. I have lots of time for ill pets (I spent £1600 saving my cat's left eye. Someone suggested the blue injection would have been cheaper. They were invited to leave.)

[Thepowerof3]

Oh dear

[Thepowerof3]

Some people suggest that you shoot an animal in a condition like that so I think you got off likely traumatising comment wise

[izzydazzling]

I think YABU and taking your (understandable) pain out on your husband's best friend. Maybe he is just ignorant rather than cruel, instead of never talking to him ever again, why not use this as an opportunity to discuss why you feel his way was cruel and educate him?

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I think you overreacted, and it seems you have also come to this conclusion. Storming out of the room and refusing to have dinner with your guest was childish and inappropriate. If I were in your place, I would offer a sincere apology to the guest

As an animal lover, I do understand the deep connections we have to our beloved pets. So I can understand your visceral response to his (probably) thoughtless statement. But I think you blew it way out of proportion

^ This. I think you overreacted.

[kali110]

Op could you consider rehoming the cat?if its not in pain then having it pts seems just as bad as the friends comment.

[Awomansworth]

kali - Come on, who the fuck is going to take on a cat that is peeing and shitting all over the house.

OP - My situation is similar in that I've had my cat (14) whilst going through 7 rounds of fertility treatment and finally having twins in my early 40's. He has been a great comfort to me during some very dark times. I love him dearly.

Now, what the man said was very insensitive, but I think we have to accept that not everyone views pets in the same way. My cat is very much part of our family, but a member of my immediate family said (very casually) "will it be put to sleep then", when I told them that my cat had been diagnosed with diabetes!

I also can't believe the massive over reaction by some folk on the thread about the OP marriage... incredible.

[Thepowerof3]

And comparing it with Nazi Sympathisers!

[TrueStory]

Animals die (naturally) in the wild.

He wasn't sadistic I don't think - just insensitive and perhaps had a different view of how life ends for animals.

I think it would be sad if you ended a good friendship over this myself.

I love cats, but I also admit to not completely understanding the grief some people experience over the loss of their pets, but I tend to keep quiet rather than make helpful/unhelpful suggestions.

[LessMissAbs]

I'm really with Sacrosanct on this one. I don't think airing potentially criminal viewpoints (what he advocates is animal cruelty) at the dinner table is socially acceptable. He sounds either stupid or only partially educated at best. You can tell so much about people by how they treat others, and also by how they treat animals.

I can't stand those oaf like people who think making same old "jokes" about pet food and glue factories is funny. I'm glad I'm not married to a man like that, I couldn't stand it.

[Thepowerof3]

She's not married to him

[Alisvolatpropiis]

As much as I understand how much one can love a pet I would have written this bloke off as an idiot and carried on with dinner. Then when he left discussed his stupid attitude with my DH. Reacting as you did is unreasonable, sorry.

[Thepowerof3]

Some people seem to like making a massive drama out of things

[YeahWhat]

So.... OP needs to apologise to friend for massive over reaction. Friend needs to apologise to OP for insensitive comment. OP and her hubby need to make up.

Then everyone needs to forget this happened.

[Thepowerof3]

Like any rational person would