So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

[Babybunny88]

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

[SybilRamkin]

A is a complete cow, what a sly, underhand and despicable thing to say about another woman to her DP! I'd hit the roof and confront her. So on your behalf!

[expatinscotland]

I'd text her back and tell her the truth. I would front this bitch.

[pianodoodle]

I'm actually hoping he hasn't realised how sneaky/inappropriate it was of her to bring that up and was caught off guard (still should have told her to mind her own)

She could just be a very good manipulator and your DP assumes her best intentions rather than that she is undermining you and encouraging him to discuss you like that to make you seem bad (or herself seem better)

[Hawkmoth]

A is for Arsewipe.

I can't imagine how gutted you must be. I admire you for not having killed someone already. Or sending "she's seen the pie message, what do I do?" Back at the horrible cow... You know, just to test the collusion.

Good luck. Probably she's just a fucking nutcase.

[MortifiedAdams]

Dont pretend to be DH. If you are planning on aporoaching them, do it with the actual facts. Tempting as it is.

It is VERY odd that old.messages have gone.

I now advocate checking his WhatsApp, Facebook and email.messages for stuff from her.

Look at his call log history.

[zatyaballerina]

She's a bitch and she's not your friend. He's an arsehole for joking along with her about you, I think he was particularly horrible because he knows you want to lose weight but are having trouble with it.

[pianodoodle]

Actually basgetti is right...

[mrspaddy]

Oh my god that is so bitchy and nasty of your friend. She is jealous of your relationship and new baby. Your man diet one what to say... God she is spiteful.

[burberryqueen]

also what would fuck me off is the 'we' and that faux concern cos a 14 is not an unhealthy weight.
phone her on his phone, give it a few seconds after she answers, then tell her it is you....
then say what you need to say.
but try not to get upset....

[MissOtisRegretsMadam]

Nobody would be worried about a friends health if they were a size 14... Size 26 maybe. But even if you were seriously unhealthily overweight that is still not the actions of a concerned friend.

Dp didn't handle it very well but it was all her doing really. I bet your dp is only concerned about your weight because you have said you want to lose weight.

I'd just be honest with your dp and her. You weren't deliberately snooping and even if you were she still said that and needs telling about herself.

[pianodoodle]

Agree about use of the word "we"

You're not a threesome!

[SomewhereBeyondTheSea]

'Wind your neck in' is the ONLY appropriate response by a partner to a text like that. Not to laugh along with it.

Can you do that sideswipe-search thing? I've seen it mentioned here before. I think it brings up all messages - even deleted ones ?

[AgentZigzag]

I'd look at everything else as well Mortified.

It's two people the OP trusted and didn't see any signs of excluding her like this, what else eh? (not suggesting they're up to anything relationship wise)

She really did bang on about it, very deliberately bringing it up and had something explicit to say, like she's been thinking about it for a while and already had the script planned.

[AnneNonimous]

This has made me so angry and I don't even know you!

A is an awful awful person, how bloody dare she.

14 is nowhere near a concerning weight.

Talk to her about it then ditch her.

Talk to your DP and make him understand how hurtful it was. Has he form for being disloyal to you?

Hugs OP

[ZeroTolerance]

Your DH should have ignored her messages once she mentioned weight. Or told her not to be so bloody rude and said goodnight.

I would have been heartbroken after reading that OP. I would be mad with both of them. She would be an ex-friend and he would be on seriously shaky ground.

[GreetingsFrontBottom]

A size 14!!! I thought you were going to say a size 20 or something. How dare they? If it were me, I would tell them both to feck off and mind their own business.

[AgentZigzag]

I wouldn't be making any excuses for DH if he said those things about me, what a laugh they had with the pie jokes ha-fucking-ha

[SuperiorCat]

As always I agree with the wise words of MrsDeVere

[pianodoodle]

Yeah the more I think about it if it were my DH joining in with a bitch about me I'd be furious with him for not defending me.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

I was going to post "how fat are you?" in case you'd put on a life-threatening amount of weight but REALLY, you've gone form a 10 to a 14 after having a baby? They can fuck off.

That said, I would not read the other messages - it's an invasion of privacy and I think it's only justified if you have good reason to suspect cheating. You won't read anything that makes you feel better.

[MortifiedAdams]

Has he deleted more than a week old messages from.other contacts too? Just wondering if he has had a clear out or if it just their conversations.

[MammaTJ]

A is a bitch! No doubt about it. Your DH doesn't come out of anywhere near as badly as she does.

I think she has been secretly undermining you for a long, long time!

[AlexReidsLonelyBraincell]

She lols, copiously. That says it all really. What a horrible cow.

I hope you're alright op, I'd be gutted if I had read something like that, I don't know what she is (a mega bitch maybe?) but she is certainly not a friend.

[Babybunny88]

Can hear the car pulling up. I'm going to tell him A text him while he was out, and hand him his phone. After he reads it I will ask him is it ok if I eat the Sunday dinner I prepared, with him and DD (who is 18 months) or would he prefer me to have a fucking salad instead!