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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 08/09/2013 17:30

Good luck OP Flowers

KoalaFace · 08/09/2013 17:31

I'm furious for you. Absolutely livid. Angry

I hope your DP is mortified and makes it up to you.

You need to bin your "friend" she seems the type to put others down to make herself look better. She'll always be a dark cloud over your relationship.

LapsedPacifist · 08/09/2013 17:31

I simply cannot believe the number of posters here whose first responses to the OP have effectively been: " Well tell us, how fat ARE you then?"

As if the OPs weight had anything whatsoever to do with this disloyal and utter bitch of a so-called mate. And just how horribly passive agressive is this messages to the DH?:

"Tell her put down the pies lol!"

Spiteful cowbag. This is not the behaviour of a concerned friend. She sounds as thick as shit BTW.

Ezio · 08/09/2013 17:32

Cheeky, underhanded bitch.

A 14 is not fat, and you just had a baby.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

That is the line, that would wanna make me shove a dozen pies down her cakehole.

I would assume A for Arsehole is a size 6, if 14 is apparently so big.

MissMuesli · 08/09/2013 17:33

What a nasty cow! Liked the idea of turning her into a pie!!

whatever5 · 08/09/2013 17:34

A is a bitch and jealous of you and/or your relationship with DP. Your weight is obviously none of her business. She was just looking for an excuse to be nasty about you.

I don't think that your DP said anything wrong really.

PiddlingWeather · 08/09/2013 17:38

Horrible behaviour from both of them, though your DP does have more of a chance to redeem himself. A, however, is a nasty, nasty woman.

I don't like the previous texts being deleted either. How long has this been going on? What else has been said?

I would be livid. A is not the sort of person you want in your life, especially now you know she can't be trusted an inch.

Who even does that? I am close to loads of my friend's DPs and vice versa, but never in a million years would I start a conversation, the sole aim of which was to discuss their partner is such a negative way

QuintessentialOldDear · 08/09/2013 17:40

A is a bitch.

Your dp is coming across far better.

I would ring A. Tell her you have his phone and messages are visible on the screen. Tell her "I feel really hurt and humiliated by your comments. This is not the way a friend behaves"

NatashaBee · 08/09/2013 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 17:43

I'd be interested to know why she felt so confident he wouldn't be offended by her blatant bitchery.
I suspect it's because she has done similar in the past and your spineless man has never pulled her up. Pathetic.

Capitola · 08/09/2013 17:44

I would be ditching the nasty friend immediately. No-one needs friends like this.

I would also be massively upset by the DP. He was extremely disloyal.

thebody · 08/09/2013 17:44

update op? hope you are ok.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/09/2013 17:44

I feel so angry and sad for you. A is a bitch and I think DP colluded with her, he could have put a stop to it.

bluestar2 · 08/09/2013 17:48

Why are all messages from last week deleted? Is everyone's deleted?
Dh did sound wrong footed so I don't think there is anything more on his part but she sounds like a piece of work. Has he deleted because she has said other inappropriate hurtful things abt you?
He should have told her to mind her own. Cheeky cow

Boosterseat · 08/09/2013 17:49

A is indeed a total cunt.

Roles reversed, if a friend of mine sent a message to me about approaching DH reference his weight I would go apeshit

Its non of their business and did they mean to be so fucking rude!

I would expect my DH to ask her if she meant to be such a bitch, he didn't even need to reply if he couldn't think of anything supportive to say.

I would text the pair of them with the forwarded messages asking if they are done discussing something which is fuck all to do with them?

Totally inappropriate, nasty, immature behaviour.

Flossiechops · 08/09/2013 17:50

I would be really really hurt. As a woman I'm sure A knows how spiteful she is being and I would expect 100% loyalty from dh!

EverybodysStressyEyed · 08/09/2013 17:50

As she is a mutual friend I don't think it would be weird to express concerns about your health with your dp (face to face)

However, these texts are basically her saying 'isn't baby a fatty' whilst trying to cover it as being concerned for you. So I agree with everyone else! Not sure what her agenda is - problems in her own life so wants to spread the misery by causing problems in your relationship?

Going up 2 sizes isn't that much - especially if you are still breastfeeding. You don't say how old your baby is but I should imagine you have other priorities at the moment. Please don't let this knock your confidence.

SisterMonicaJoan · 08/09/2013 17:50

A is a bitch.

A friend of my sister set me and DH up and then felt she "owned" us. Trying to get us to open up to her seperately, telling us both things that she knew about our previous relationships and even hinted that DH was still hung up on an ex. What she didn't reckon on was us being able to talk even so early on so we put on a united front and he told her to fuck off.

Now we have nothing to do with her but I hear she still talks out us and how we wouldn't be together if it wasn't for her. Wouldn't surprise me if she wants our pfb!

I agree you DP was taken unawares but the important thing is how he reacts to A now. I would be looking for him to tell her that she overstepped the line and probably best if you all stepped back from each other. She is definitely not a friend to your relationship.

Hugs op.

Original poster
Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 17:57

DP has just tried to claim that they were joking! And I shouldn't take it so seriously.

Apparently A has always been a "joker" and takes thr hand out of everyone, including DP. This is the first I've heard of it in seven years. I also shouldn't have been going through his messages and I wouldn't have got hurt if I 'kept to my own business"!

Says he loves me and DD more than anyone in the world but I need to have a sense of humour. Yeah, ha fucking ha very funny. Also said A had my best interests at heart and brought it up jokingly so it wouldn't make him feel awkward!

I asked why he was defending her so much and his response was because he has known her since they were 13 and knows she was joking and didnt mean anything by it. My tears over this are "silly" and I'm being over sensitive (yes I cried a little bit)

He's now sulking in the living room with his dinner. No doubt texting his fucking wanking whore of a "sister" while I'm in the kitchen with DD feeling like a twat :(

OP posts:
Fontofnowt · 08/09/2013 17:59

Go and snatch that fucking dinner back first of all.

FannyMcNally · 08/09/2013 17:59

The roast/salad comment is good but needs to be said a bit light-heartedly. Go in aggressively and he might go on the defensive immediately and all future communication between him and A will be done covertly. Op needs to appeal to his nice side and say how hurt the text conversation made her feel. Tricky one to play I think. (Even though op is completely in the right).

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 18:00

They were not joking.

She was not joking.

And he knows it.

She is a horrible person and just because he's known her for ages doesn't mean it's OK for him to gang up against you with her.

Which is basically what he's doing now.

Fontofnowt · 08/09/2013 18:00

Cheeky twat enjoying your cooking while you had a cry and he stuck up for the spitefull hooer.

QueenofallIsee · 08/09/2013 18:00

Well OP, your DH has not impressed with that performance. horrible behaviour

FannyMcNally · 08/09/2013 18:00

Oh rats, cross-posted. Hmm