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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
TheStitchWitch · 08/09/2013 16:16

Bloody hell what a nasty cow she is!
I'd rather be over weight than ugly on the inside like she clearly is.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 16:16

"Chop the evil witch up and throw her in a fucking pie!"

Yes! :o

MrsBungle · 08/09/2013 16:17

Yes, cut her out. She is not a friend.

FlusteredFairy · 08/09/2013 16:17

How awful for you. It puts you in an awkward situation of whether to mention it or not. I'd be seething and wouldn't be able to hold back from this but not necessarily the best course of action. Don't let it fester too long, maybe just hold off to calm down a little.

I agree your dp doesn't seem to be the instigator of this.... and A is a bitch. Is she jealous? Not necessarily of your dp romantically but that she sees less of him now?

LynetteScavo · 08/09/2013 16:17

A is laughing at you (and expected your DP to join in.

DP is worrying about you, and got sucked in to the conversation.

You need to tell him you read texts, and that you do indeed like salads.

I would be inclined to splat a pie in his face when he came home

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 08/09/2013 16:17

Is not a friend*

quokka1 · 08/09/2013 16:17

OMG! I am angry on your behalf! How dare she?!??! I would certainly be letting her know that I had seen the conversation & how it made me feel if I were in your position!! What a bitch, an absolute bitch. Even if you have put weight on, how dare she discuss it in this manner with your DP. I would be very wary of spending any of my time with her in future. She is not a friend, her tone was piss taking, not one of genuine concern. If she was genuinely concerned, she wouldn't have served curry in the first place.

With regard to your DP, although I think he should have shut the conversation down out of respect for you, he didn't sound comfortable with what your 'friend' was suggesting. I think you need to let him know how this has made you feel. How would he feel if the situation was reversed? Would he like it if you talked about him in such a personal way to this 'friend'?

I feel quite upset for you OP, what a horrible conversation to read! xx

minouminou · 08/09/2013 16:17

I also doubt that this is the first such exchange.
She's gotta go.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 08/09/2013 16:18

You know what, though?

I'm not a defender. I can't be asred. Some arguments aren't worth having.

I'll make a non-committal 'Mmmmm' noise or do a Hmm face.

Even if someone was slagging off my DP, if I didn't give a shit about their opinion I probably wouldn't bother with the argument.

Any chance your DP is the same??

juneau · 08/09/2013 16:18

A is definitely a bitch.

Talk to your DH - he didn't initiate this conversation and he sounds concerned rather than mean - but its not okay for him to discussing your weight with this woman. A more suitable answer from him would've been 'Hey, that's a bit out of order', or 'I don't think I'll go there' or something to shut her down.

StuntGirl · 08/09/2013 16:20

X post.

Forget A, she's a bitchy little madam. Her text did not come across like she had worries about your health, more that it was an opportunity for a jibe.

I do think you need to speak to your husband though. Tell him discussing your weight like that makes you feel bad about yourself and is very hurtful.

Do you want to lose any weight?

merrymonsters · 08/09/2013 16:20

Years ago my sister lived for a few months with a very good male friend of mine. They met through me.

I found it awkward when they complained about each other to me. I never knew if they actually wanted me to talk to the other about the problems or not. Was I meant to tell him that his watching football all weekend drove her nuts?

Frankly, I found it a bit awkward and it was a bit of a relief when they split up.

A is in a bit of an uncomfortable position. Do you ever talk to A about your DH? I think it's normal to talk to friends about your relationship, family, work etc. Maybe they are concerned about your health.

MarthasHarbour · 08/09/2013 16:21

Yep - A is a bitch, she was definitely goading for a dig about you. I agree with the poster who said she likes having a little bit of control.

DP needs to know that whilst it is clear he didnt know what to say, he should have defended you and not 'agree' with A.

for you. Size 10 to a 14 is nothing to worry about, especially post baby Flowers

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 16:21

Oh my word. Ive gone from a ten to a 14 since having dd (22mo), and yes, I could do with slimming down, byt id be fuckig livid if I had read what you had.

Please speak to your DH when he gets home.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/09/2013 16:22

DP was a bit of a bitch too. "She'll go apeshit and wont be likely to put the pies down then!" sounds fucking bitchy to me!

A size 14 isn't that bad! God, I was expecting you to say you're bigger than that (which btw, still wouldnt make it ok to talk about you like that!!!!). I went from a 10 to a 14 after I have a baby. meh. shit happens. I agree this wont have been the first time theres been a bitching session about you Sad

AgentZigzag · 08/09/2013 16:22

It's totally inappropriate of her/them to talk about you like that, mostly because of the history bit of it.

Agree she comes out of it worse than him, but he didn't tell her to fuck off and stop being so nasty did he?

Why's that? Because he values what she thinks over how you might feel?

For me it'd be a toss up between going ballistic and not saying anything to see how it pans out, but I suspect keeping schtum might involve a bit of game playing because you'd have to think about how you're going to react when she brings it up etc.

Maybe serving up pies every day for a week might give him a hint? Wink

Your weight has got nothing to do with anyone else, I'd be mortified and very hurt knowing people had been discussing what they should do about it behind my back.

And I wouldn't feel guilty about seeing the texts either, just in case he thinks he can turn it round onto you 'snooping', the texts were there and you read them

GetStuffezd · 08/09/2013 16:22

Your "friend" sounds really horrible.
Are you planning on confronting him about this?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 16:23

People who are concerned about your health don't make jokes behind your back about how they should have served you a salad instead of a curry because you are such a greedy trougher.

She went into that conversation looking to get the OP's DP to admit to her that he thought the OP was fat.

If she was concerned (and really, how concerned about someone's health can you really be that they are a size 14 after having a baby? Hmm) she would not have been getting digs in in this way.

WhoNickedMyName · 08/09/2013 16:23

Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

To me, this reads as if she was going to have a conversation with you... something along the lines of... "Please don't say anything to your DP but he's had a word with me that he's concerned about your weight"... Like as if it's him that has approached her to discuss your weight.

She is no friend of your relationship.

DuchessFanny · 08/09/2013 16:24

Wow ! Some 'friend' !! I'd be ditching the bitch and making it clear to my DP that I am going apeshit over the lack of loyalty and talking behind my back more than anything said about pregnancy weight gain .... Am FURIOUS on your behalf !!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 16:25

Yes, good point WhoNicked.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 08/09/2013 16:26

But a size 14 isn't big.

Confused

OP probably looks all curvy and sexy, has her new baby, DP and a glow of happiness and Bitch A just can't handle it.

pianodoodle · 08/09/2013 16:27

I wonder how many other sly digs she's got in over the years?! She's trying to undermine your relationship with your partner it's not on!

Some friend Angry

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 16:27

I would be fucking furious if this happened to me.

Original poster
Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:27

DP knows I want to lose weight we have talked about this. The bit about the pies is hurtful though :( A has never said anything to me about my weight, not that I expected her to any way, so this convo came as a horrible shock.

Really you think she has discussed other things with him about me? I'm very tempted to look through his past messages and see..

OP posts:
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