So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

[Babybunny88]

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

I think OP's dp has worked out for himself what a twat A is because she went on and on about it to OP's dp after they had all gone to bed.

He probably wanted her to bugger off by then but she didn't seem to want to take no for an answer even still wanting to come round much later by the sounds of it.

Northern think yourself lucky it got resolved before 1000 posts or there'd have been a sequel

Seriously, though, you're being disingenuous now. There are plenty of threads on the topics you mentioned that are also fast-moving - I can think of one right now about DV that is being posted on heavily. You're making it sound as if posters are only interested in weight issues, over more 'weighty' ones when that's not the case, and, as several people have pointed out, this isn't actually a weight issue anyway, it's a trust issue.

One thing I have noticed is that threads about trust and friendship do often attract high volume postings. I think this is increasingly a hot button issue for people, especially (as we've seen right here) with the potential for texting etc to offer opportunities for everything from miscommunication via badly-judged 'tone' right through to full-on backstabbing.

It sounds like she likes that you have put weight on. As in it makes her feel better about herself.

A size 14 isn't fat!

Your DH is in the wrong, too. Ideally he should have told her STFU you're still as beautiful to him as when you were smaller !!

If your weight is a genuine concern to him-and I think It's a valid thing to be concerned about if It's affecting your health and self esteem-he should say something to YOU! In a nice way, not discuss it with anybody else.

She is a bitch and not a true friend, however you know what I'd do with the two of them?!
NOTHING. That's right. If she's a good friend in other ways, a great shopping partner , a great person to talk with, fun,whatever-I would just pretend I had not read anything.

Same with him-however, I would do some damn good things with myself.
I would ask him to mind the baby whilst I get some beauty treatments done.I would go for a brisk walk every day, I would buy good quality healthy foods for myself and make sure that I felt damn fantastic. And I wouldn't want anybody to know I had it in me to snoop even though I understand totally why you scrolled up-that can make people more secretive and more likely to not be open with you.

People can be really shitty and I feel for you a lot.

Hope you feel better soon!

Clearly this is mortifying for OP. But... is there so much difference between babybunny's friend and DP discussing her behind her back and her discussing THEM behind THEIR backs with thousands of strangers, some of whom are calling him wanker etc? Just asking

This is anonymous.

NorthernLurker it is you that jumped on my post and now think it's okay to suggest I am bizzare and deranged. Was there something about my post that particularly offended you? To warrant this rudeness?

Yes I thought the friends texts were cruel, if not designed to outwardly upset, then at least to undermine and manipulate people.

It is my opinion, in the spirit of mumsnet I believe I am entitled to that without being invalidated as deranged.

Well, have just caught up with the thread....

Well done Babybunny! You've handled the situation so well. Better than I could have. Good on you.

Oh good for you,

I hope you can put it all behind you.

Well done OP.

Perfectly handled.

That woman isn't your friend.

Clearly this is mortifying for OP. But... is there so much difference between babybunny's friend and DP discussing her behind her back and her discussing THEM behind THEIR backs with thousands of strangers, some of whom are calling him wanker etc? Just asking.

And your point is? This is an anonymous forum. LOL

Balaboosta, key word there is 'strangers'. Don't know about you, but none of us know the OP or her DH, being anonymous has its plus points.

Don't you find it difficult being on here if you can't see that difference?

lol queen

Nice pun Snazzy . I take your point but it's rare for a thread based on a single incident like this to get to a 1000 posts so quickly. It's also rare imo for so many posters to so spectacularly, imo, over-react.

I should have been more specific middleclass. It was the first paragraph of your post referring to 'usual fat fearers' that made no sense to me at all in the context of the thread and seemed indeed a rather heavy handed attempt to stir up personal attacks. Hence I asked you to be clearer. I note you haven't clarified that odd remark btw.

Delighted for you OP...

[hip hip Hooray smilie]

Good for you.. Hope you can move on from it all now x

There are certain posters yes who seem to think anything above size 10 is fat. Who think such women shouldn't mind their weight being discussed because the issue is very black and white to them.

It's the concept of 'commenting' about someone's weight under the guise of concern, then telling them they're over sensitive if they get upset. It's a nasty dynamic and a controlling one. Especially when they're post partum and NOT actually fat.

Perfectly handled Bunny glad dh has apologised, won't be long till he sees the light at what a manipulative two faced cunt his "friend" is

Ah yes that's true - but you didn't say that. You said the posters telling the OP to calm down fell in to that group of 'usual' ones - and that you feared for their daughters and that they were deluded. Now here's the thing - I had at that point posted several times intimating that the OP (and numerous others) needed to calm down so how was I to know that your comment didn't refer to me? I have daughters btw and if you search for my posts you'll find my views on body image. Then perhaps you'll see why I felt that posting was utterly bizarre.

Over the top or what! If a man forbid his wife having her friend over or talking about certain subjects he would be deemed controllng so agree with Northern that its OTT.

The OP is not exactly innocent, she read her partners messages on his phone which is a hige breach of privacy.

As for LTB over a few texts, words fail me. Can you imagine telling your child that mum and dad are splitting over a text message!

I think you've come up with a perfectly reasonable solution Babybunny.

DP may have been friends with A for years- but between the two of them, they have been cruel and mocking to the point where Bunny was in tears. And instead of trying to make things right, both A and DP start demanding that Bunny has to make A feel better, with A harassing Bunny by text and insisting that she's being over-sensitive, with no right to be upset. Who on earth would want to gladly invite someone like that into their home ? A has already cast a horrible shadow over the relationship between Bunny and DP, by engineering a divide between them- having lost trust and confidence, Bunny is now expected to hand over the sanctuary of her home as well?

Bunny has not banned her DP from contact with A. They can meet elsewhere. There isn't just one house in the world.

And again- this is not about the weight. There would have been something else .

'There would have been something else' OH COME ON! That's a massive assumption. Based on what?

I wish people wouldn't go on about the bloody weight. As some others have said , it is about A's betrayal.
Proves how weight obsessed society is.

Look there are certain posters yes who's view on body image piss me off. I don't know yours Northern Lurker so it wasn't an attack.

The weight issue is probably an aside to what I really meant, that I think the OP was reasonable, I wouldn't trust that friend. No I don't think it's an affair, I just didn't like the response from said friend when she'd hurt OPs feelings.

I think that A wanting to go round to the OP/DP's place was to assert her dominance. She was clearly failing at manipulation by text and wanted to do it in person, that the DP told her to sod off is why she then went batshit. I dare say she imagined a scenario where the OP felt even worse and A was happily cosied up with OPs partner, laughing at her and calling her over sensitive etc.

This is a woman with issues, whether it is ownership, jealousy or just mischief. Whichever, she is no friend to either the OP or her partner or their marriage and its good that this has happened because he is now seeing what a nightmare she is.

I rather think that A will ramp up her attempts to manipulate, which will really show to the OPs partner just what a nightmare she is.

Northern

This is not about weight! This is a clear attempt by A to create a "us and her" situation, the messages have been printed her verbatim so that is clear to see. If the OP hadnt put a pound on then it would have been her hair, or her taste in clothes, or her housekeeping skills.....anything that A could use against her.

Why cant you see that?