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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to rescue my friend's baby...

187 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:33

Firstly, when I say 'rescue' I mean it tongue in cheek as he is not in any danger at all Smile

Do you find it hard to watch other children parent their child in a way you either wouldn't do yourself or cannot understand?

A friend of mine recently had a baby and I first went to visit when he was about a week old. She fed him then put him on one of those play mats on the opposite side of the room and left him there whilst coming back to chat to me. He was really restless, fractious, waving his arms and legs around etc. I made a comment about him being active and she told me that being on the floor is the best place for them....needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.

I then visited a week later and she started telling me about his 'routine' which involves him not being allowed to be fed until after his morning bath and until they have sorted out their other son who is 6. She told me she doesn't want the baby of getting in the habit of thinking he can have food as soon as he wakes up....I wanted to scream, "He's 2 weeks old for God's Sake!"

And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age.

AIBU to feel a bit Hmm

I know parents can bring up their children however they like but he is still such a little baby. I'd want him near me all the time....

OP posts:
ILetHimKeep20Quid · 08/09/2013 00:38

Ace thread

AmandaHoldenmigroin · 08/09/2013 03:31

you're very judgey OP. You don't sound like you are really her friend.

claraschu · 08/09/2013 03:40

OP I haven't read the whole thread, but I want to say that this would bother the hell out of me too. I know people will have told you not to judge, etc, etc, but I hate seeing this kind of parenting too.

I am perfectly aware that the baby will probably be fine.

Secretswitch · 08/09/2013 04:20

People are free to parent in whatever way works for them. As a mum to three children, I would not be happy to leave my infant on the floor. I wanted them close to me. All my children were fed on demand. This worked out for us. Every mum works out a system for herself and her baby. As long as baby is fed, warm and has a clean nappy all is good in my book.

wellieboots · 08/09/2013 04:28

OP you will find that what you think you will do with a baby, and what you will actually do, are very very different. I know I did.

Having said that, the only bit that I am a bit Shock about and hope you have misunderstood is the feeding regime. At 2 weeks, babies need to be fed on demand, not put in a routine or bathed first. Sounds weird to me. Given MNs usual attitude to routine etc, I'm surprised more people haven't picked up on that.

Sparklysilversequins · 08/09/2013 09:35

Some absolute twats on this thread and I am not talking about the OP.

Sparklysilversequins · 08/09/2013 09:38

Oh and FWIW I wouldn't have done any of the things the OP's friend is doing with her baby in the OP at two weeks old. I think she sounds like she's parenting in 1955.

Samnella · 08/09/2013 09:49

Yabu and I would imagine you have quite a wedgey from those hoiked up judge pants.

Just seen you don't have a baby yet. Please read your post back in a years time. I am sure you will Grin

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 09:55

Don't worry Sammella - I took my Judgey pants off at about 11pm last night when I had read and digested everyone's comments. So thankfully, no wedge in sight, I'm glad I was saved an injury Smile

And thanks clara, secret, welly and sparkly for your responses. It is interesting hearing other people's points of view which is what I like about the AIBU section, even if it can get heated at times. I suppose I posted about what was a sensitive topic but I have woken up with a new frame of mind Smile

OP posts:
AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 08/09/2013 14:57

I am very late to the thread but, of you have an Ikea nearby OP they do cots very cheaply and lots of other decently priced baby products too. The £10 high chair is the best thing ever.
We bought the Gulliver (?) cot for dc2, it fits well in our 'compact' home and is still fine for him, even now he is a strapping 2 year old.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll find your own way. We all do. Grin

CairngormsClydesdale · 08/09/2013 15:03

I suppose you'll end up being one of those idiots who holds the baby when she's having a shit and then wonders how she'll wipe her arse. Hmm

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 08/09/2013 15:09

Ahh now, that's a bit harsh Cairns.
OP has admitted she may have a fair bit to learn, we all did, we all still do, that's life.

Rooners · 08/09/2013 15:11

Yanbu. I hate it when people don't respond to babies' cues and would feel the same.

I hope you enjoy your baby when it arrives, they are lovely and it is totally possible to follow most of their cues most of the time, if you plan around it.

Real life can be a bugger in this respect - school run, older children etc - but if you go at it with the attitude of 'if I can respond in the way he needs, I will' then you'll be good enough.

Chunderella · 08/09/2013 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

serengetty · 08/09/2013 15:17

Some horrible people here.

Mintyy · 08/09/2013 15:18

Unfunny and unnecessary Cairngorms.

Sallystyle · 08/09/2013 15:20

I have five children and think the morning thing is very odd.

soverylucky · 08/09/2013 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soverylucky · 08/09/2013 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FixItUpChappie · 08/09/2013 15:34

Don't just revisit this thread when you have one OP....come back to this thread once you've had a second Grin

Rooners · 08/09/2013 15:36

But I agree with the OP and I have got three children, one of whom is still a baby.

Mintyy · 08/09/2013 15:40

Agree. I wouldn't have "made" my ds (2nd child) wait for his morning feed for anything, barring an absolute emergency. And I won't comment on the own room thing because I know this is something a lot of people do (but you go with the guidelines, op, they are there for a good reason).

Chunderella · 08/09/2013 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rooners · 08/09/2013 15:49

My 6yo still sleeps in my room as does my 8mo. I did kick the 6yo out of the bed though when ds3 arrived...

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 08/09/2013 15:53

I don't think you are being unreasonable to think anything. Now if you were stepping in and stopping her, that's another thing entirely. Surely thinking something does no harm to anybody and people on AIBU just like to cause arguments from my personal experience.

Call the OP a name? Check.
Make the OP feel like an idiot? Check.
Insult the OP's intelligence? Check.
Tell them this is why they have no friends? Check.

These things seem to always happen on AIBU.

I don't necessarily think it's bad to put a little baby on a playmat, providing they aren't close to an animal that could squish them. If they were screaming and crying though I'd naturally think picking them up was a good idea.

However, scheduling a babies feeds at that small would really irk me too. 6 months I can see why you may want to do this but a really small baby needs to be fed when hungry. They may have hunger pains and be in distress, it's so not nice to think about that.

Sleeping in another room seems to be what some people do but I really couldn't have done it myself. Not just because of the SIDS risk but if you are breastfeeding it's so nice to have them close. Plus, what if you were a fairly deep sleeper? Even with the monitor on you wouldn't be able to hear them the same way as if they were a few feet away from you.

None of it would be calling the police worthy though and I'd have to bite my tongue unless said friend asked for my opinion but I too wouldn't agree with it, although the playmat thing is weird but can't see it causing any lasting damage.

Before anyone says I don't have a little baby I do. DD is 5 months and she has had her clingy times, although she's a very well behaved baby. I have been a very similar parent to what I imagined I would be actually.

When is your baby due OP?

I bet you are really excited tired.