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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to rescue my friend's baby...

187 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:33

Firstly, when I say 'rescue' I mean it tongue in cheek as he is not in any danger at all Smile

Do you find it hard to watch other children parent their child in a way you either wouldn't do yourself or cannot understand?

A friend of mine recently had a baby and I first went to visit when he was about a week old. She fed him then put him on one of those play mats on the opposite side of the room and left him there whilst coming back to chat to me. He was really restless, fractious, waving his arms and legs around etc. I made a comment about him being active and she told me that being on the floor is the best place for them....needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.

I then visited a week later and she started telling me about his 'routine' which involves him not being allowed to be fed until after his morning bath and until they have sorted out their other son who is 6. She told me she doesn't want the baby of getting in the habit of thinking he can have food as soon as he wakes up....I wanted to scream, "He's 2 weeks old for God's Sake!"

And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age.

AIBU to feel a bit Hmm

I know parents can bring up their children however they like but he is still such a little baby. I'd want him near me all the time....

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:30

The alarm cock?? That does sound fun Smile

Yes I was passing judgement but as we are discussing how my ideologies of having a baby can be very different to the reality. I have no problem in admitting when I'm wrong.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 07/09/2013 23:32

Is it really normal to put a newborn on a playmat? I have never seen this. Don't they feel a bit exposed? Wouldn't he have felt happier being held? Afaik, newborns like to feel warm and cuddled. Playmats are for older babies, surely.

SupermansBigRedPants · 07/09/2013 23:32

I always think I ll not have a baby on me all the time... dd2 is 4 weeks and I still have her stuck te as much as possible, ds is 22 months and if he wasn't so active I'd have the monkey stuck to me as much as possible. . but I love a break as much as the next mum, when dd2 has been on me for hours and just isn't settling then her playmat/swing/daddy are heaven to me where I can finally have a shower/sort washing/have a full cup of coffee/breakfast etc etc.

You're sweet to think babies need arms 24/7 but they really don't, and tbph even if they do, mums/parents need a 5 minute break now and again.

Mintyy · 07/09/2013 23:33

Op, I believe you are the victim of what is known as a right old pile-on in the Mumsnet vernacular.

BOF · 07/09/2013 23:35

Oh aye, Mintyy. There's a lot of it about.

LilBlondePessimist · 07/09/2013 23:36

Nickel beat me to it. The only thing I can get worked up about is when people decide not to follow guidelines issued by SIDS re letting young babies sleep in their own room before six months. But they've obviously decided that its right for them so it's none of my business. Doesn't stop me worrying about it Hmm.

VaultFullOfTwizzlers · 07/09/2013 23:38

Loads of it these days Hmm

I remember when AIBU was all fields and nary a goady twat in sight.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:40

Why are the guidelines 6 months? Is it just because you are more aware of them and would wake if they came into difficulties? It is only because I'm aware of the recommendations that I was querying it really in terms of my friends babies age. But at the same time, what is it about being below 6 months of age that makes a baby more at risk?

OP posts:
Mintyy · 07/09/2013 23:40

"You've got a baby have you OP? Methinks not.

biscuit as I frankly cannot be arsed to respond in detail to your wanky comments. A baby waving its arms and legs?! Call social services..hmm"

Its this sort of post which is totally spoiling Mumsnet for me at the moment. Why would I voluntarily spend time with people who think this is an acceptable way to behave online?

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/09/2013 23:41

Its rather nice when a poster admits she was wrong and takes it with good grace.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:42

Minty - I think everyone who dares to post in AIBU has to be prepared for some harsh words Smile but that's why I asked the question. I suppose some of us me need a reality check at times. Like I said, I've taken everyone's comments on board and I actually feel much better about the whole thing Smile

OP posts:
BonaDrag · 07/09/2013 23:43

Hahahahahaha, PLEASE re-read this thread when your own baby is six weeks old :o

Mintyy · 07/09/2013 23:45

Oh I can't bear this.

josiejay · 07/09/2013 23:45

Agreed Mintyy, the OP has accepted she was BU and has learnt from her post, there's no need for people to be so unpleasant.

And who among us hasn't had that cringe moment after having DC when you remember how you thought you were going to do things soooo differently and yes, maybe judged other parents. I certainly did.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:46

Grin @ bona. I promise I will - I shall come and write out an update whilst the baby is playing on his mat Smile

OP posts:
northernlurker · 07/09/2013 23:47

Credit to OP for accepting a flame-grilling with good grace.

We'll see you on the other side of the delivery room when you need to know how to manage to get a shower let alone do anything with the day. Grin
I know that sounds patronising. I really don't mean it that way but until you've walked a few miles in those socks (no point putting on shoes, you'll never get long enough between food/nappy incidents to get out of the house) you will see things differently. Fwiw I did the room thing and the routine thing differently but the playmat and the bouncy chair came out v early on!
If you're looking at baby equipment btw OP I recommend a basic-ish gym - a mat with something going on overhead. Nothing madly musical. Scares babies. They like to look at one or two things hanging down though. Also a friend lent us a Galt baby nest - blows up, things hang over the top. This was BRILLIANT. They're expensive but a good investment and because it's a blown up ring thing you feel less like they're exposed to the hazards of being on the floor Grin

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:50

Talking of baby mats and things like that - would any of you ever buy them 2nd hand if you thought they were very expensive to buy new?

Me and hubby were talking about this the other day and I know we'd need a brand new cot/Moses basket and car seat etc, all the things you have to be safety conscious of, but we weren't too sure about things like toys etc?

And you didn't sound patronising Smile

OP posts:
Lilacroses · 07/09/2013 23:51

I bet you will be a great mum but you will almost certainly be in for some surprises. It's funny , you really can end up being quite different than you expected. I found the little baby bit incredibly hard and despite being an immensely nurturing person found a rigid routine was the only way I could cope. It all changed when Dd was a few months old and I felt calmer.

My best friend and I often laugh at how we were both the opposite of how we expected to be with our babies! She is a very organised, routine driven person in every other aspect of her life but she was totally different as a mum.

northernlurker · 07/09/2013 23:51

Re the SIDS six months thing. I've always assumed this was because the general risk of SIDS drops at six months. Peak age is about 12 weeks isn't it Sad. So the guidance is designed to get you to keep the baby close so you spot problems during the time the problems are most likely to occur. There is also the theory about the baby hearing you're breathing and using that to rgeulate theirs. We had dd3 in with us till a year old (not by choice - no space anywhere else). After 6 months our breathing didn't regulate hers. It woke her up. Every night! Hmm

spicegirl13 · 07/09/2013 23:52

I'm all for second hand, DD1 had a borrowed playmat from my SIL & DD2 had one I bought off eBay Smile

northernlurker · 07/09/2013 23:53

The baby mat we had with dd1 was secondhand. It was completely washable. The Galt nest had done umpteen babies and my baby gym is currently at mil's having been posseted on byseveral nieces and nephews. Again it was completly washable. I would have any toy secondhand as long as you can machine wash it.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:53

That's interesting about baby's breathing being regulated by your own - I think I will look that up and have a read. Thanks Smile

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 07/09/2013 23:54

You know op, I used to think (before dc 1 was born) that within a week or two dc would be sleeping through the night. I thought to myself, oh other people must be doing it wrong. But I can do better than that. My baby will sleep through the night and life will resume as normal. It didn't happen. Oh no no, it so didn't happen. I am now humbled!

Ps the 6 months is an awareness thing. They hear you breathing, you hear them breathing. Between two (I think) and six months are the highest risk times of cot death, if its going to happen. My health visitor was a big advocate of co sleeping as she felt that if the baby stopped breathing, the mothers breathing next to them seemed to kick start them again. I think theres some truth in this.

northernlurker · 07/09/2013 23:54

You don't need a new cot btw. Just a new mattress.

Our baby book (again from dd1 who is 15 now) warned of the dangers of lead in paint in secondhand cots but unless you pick one that's truly vintage I'm sure that's not an issue now. Come to think of it dd1's cot was also secondhand.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:55

Thanks spice and northern - me and hubby are trying to think of ways to save cash and I wondered if eBay was the way to go Smile I suppose as long as it' washable, like you say, there can't be any real harm.

Mind you, I say all this but no doubt relatives will be lining up to buy things! I just don't like to think of people spending so much money when there are other ways Smile

OP posts:
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