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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to rescue my friend's baby...

187 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:33

Firstly, when I say 'rescue' I mean it tongue in cheek as he is not in any danger at all Smile

Do you find it hard to watch other children parent their child in a way you either wouldn't do yourself or cannot understand?

A friend of mine recently had a baby and I first went to visit when he was about a week old. She fed him then put him on one of those play mats on the opposite side of the room and left him there whilst coming back to chat to me. He was really restless, fractious, waving his arms and legs around etc. I made a comment about him being active and she told me that being on the floor is the best place for them....needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.

I then visited a week later and she started telling me about his 'routine' which involves him not being allowed to be fed until after his morning bath and until they have sorted out their other son who is 6. She told me she doesn't want the baby of getting in the habit of thinking he can have food as soon as he wakes up....I wanted to scream, "He's 2 weeks old for God's Sake!"

And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age.

AIBU to feel a bit Hmm

I know parents can bring up their children however they like but he is still such a little baby. I'd want him near me all the time....

OP posts:
SnakePlisskensMum · 07/09/2013 22:47

The thought of how it will be and what you will do,is so far removed from reality, it will blow your mind Grin

Thurlow · 07/09/2013 22:48

Oh, sweetheart. You don't have any DC yet? I know you mean well but... 6 weeks old looks tiny to someone who is getting a proper night's sleep. 6 weeks looks unimaginably young to be in their own room. 6 weeks was unimaginably small to be in their own room the first night I got my baby home. 6 weeks of awful, awful sleep after recovering from a cs was the longest 6 weeks of my life, before the baby went in her own room.

My baby also lived on the playmat, looking restless. Trust me, she looked a hell of a lot more restless when I tried to hold her too long or put her in a sling!

You mean well so I don't think you deserve a flaming other than for being daft enough to post your opinions on here in the first place but the reality of a newborn baby is very, very different, in any one of a hundred ways, from home you think it will be.

josiejay · 07/09/2013 22:48

Baby on playmat kicking about is normal - that's what they're there for! Yes it's lovely to hold and cuddle a newborn lots but it's just not possible to never put them down, especially if you have an older child to take care of.

It's totally, entirely, unequivocally none of your beeswax.

HandMini · 07/09/2013 22:48

"What a bitch" was actually a tongue in cheek reference to the mother who dared to put baby on a playmat, but to be honest I do think its bitchy to come on a thread purely to slag off someone's (seemingly adequate) parenting techniques.

However, if you really want info on stuff like anti-routines / cosleeping / attachment parenting, much of which will support your views, you're in the right place (tho try boards other than AIBU)

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:48

I feel awful now - my post really wasn't supposed to cause this much anger. Like I said, I can accept IBU and apologise lots Smile

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/09/2013 22:50

Well, fwiw Writer i am not even preggers yet, no DC but think the morning feeding things sounds very odd indeed!

MissOtisRegretsMadam · 07/09/2013 22:50

Maybe you should offer to have her baby at her house for a few hours whilst she takes her ds out to the park or something?

BramblyHedge · 07/09/2013 22:51

That's ok then Smile

Good luck becoming a mum!

LoopThePoop · 07/09/2013 22:51

Come back when you have 3 children...

(Walks away patting OP on the head in a VERY patronising manner)

Sparrowlegs248 · 07/09/2013 22:52

Also having re read, the playmat at one week old seems off too. One week old? While i am sure everyone thinks they will never put the baby down (and soon change their mind).surely one week old is very early for leaving on the floir at the other side of the room?

VinegarDrinker · 07/09/2013 22:53

I'm just wondering what a newborn baby is meant to do on a playmat other than wave their arms and legs around? Confused

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:53

Thanks brambly and loop - I promise to come and update and beg for help when my baby comes along and I have no clue Smile

OP posts:
hotncold · 07/09/2013 22:53

"needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away"

This is what I want you to remember when some intefering tosspot picks up your baby when they you have FINALLY been able to put them down.

My first DC was practically unputdownable - she would scream if she was put down, and so I barely got the chance to not hold her.

If I had put her down on a playmat so I could talk to her friend. And she actually got on with waving her arms and legs around instead of crying and that friend decided that because she was: "restless, fractious, waving her arms and legs around etc" that she should be picked up I would not have been happy.

The 'needless to say' part of your post is particularly smug and unpleasant- this woman has a 6 year old, you know nothing. How rude of you.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 07/09/2013 22:54

Oh, cut op some slack - which of us didn't have rosy ideals about cuddling baby all day long when pregnant with our first? I was onto my third before I got onto my really bad parenting habits. Grin

Op, by the time you have a second baby, you are sooo much more relaxed about parenting, and quite happy to leave baby kicking on a mat while you have a cup of tea. The feeding thing - well I never did that - but a newborn will scream the place down if really hungry. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

WhereHasSheGone · 07/09/2013 22:56

You have called her your 'friend' but yet you have posted a thread about her online. I don't understand why you want to 'rescue' her baby, the baby isn't being abused or neglected.

MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 22:56

.needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.]

Why do babies need to be 'settled' rather than active? Either is a valid state of comfort. Theirs rather than yours, but that is what matters!!

Thurlow · 07/09/2013 22:57

hotncold Grin

I know you meant well when you started this thread, OP, but hotncold is right - you're probably lucky there isn't a matching thread on AIBU about someone picking up their baby when they had finally decided to enjoy the playmat for once!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:58

Thanks sabrina - I think when I posted I wasn't asking if her parents was unreasonable, but if it meant I was a bit weird by seeing it differently.

And now I see that I am Smile

I know everyone raises their children differently and there is no 'right' way.

Like I said, I can accept IBU - after all, that's what this thread is for. Hearing opinions and learning the truth Smile x

OP posts:
hotncold · 07/09/2013 22:58

Agree, wherehasshegone - 'rescue my friend's baby'

"And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age."

Who do you think you are, OP?

pictish · 07/09/2013 22:59

"needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away"

This is what I want you to remember when some intefering tosspot picks up your baby when you have FINALLY been able to put them down.

That's what I thought.
OP - your heart is in the right place, but your inexperience is obvious. Wait until you have a baby that you never get a break from.

sweetiepie1979 · 07/09/2013 22:59

Oh God....... Come back when you have given birth!

Hogwash · 07/09/2013 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 07/09/2013 23:01

Was so looking forward to having baby next to me all night long.

Into a room on his own on day 3. He's still alive ten years later.

We all have these thoughts - just don't hate yourself if you 'fail' your own standards and change your mind, see it as dynamic parenting!

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 07/09/2013 23:01

Well done for accepting YWBU op.

Fwiw I was the perfect parent who would never do a whole list of things too, right up until I had my first baby and reality kicked in Grin

arethereanyleftatall · 07/09/2013 23:02

first rule of parenting 'never, ever, ever judge other parents'..*
You have no idea why they,are doing what they're doing.
*assuming no neglect.