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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to rescue my friend's baby...

187 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:33

Firstly, when I say 'rescue' I mean it tongue in cheek as he is not in any danger at all Smile

Do you find it hard to watch other children parent their child in a way you either wouldn't do yourself or cannot understand?

A friend of mine recently had a baby and I first went to visit when he was about a week old. She fed him then put him on one of those play mats on the opposite side of the room and left him there whilst coming back to chat to me. He was really restless, fractious, waving his arms and legs around etc. I made a comment about him being active and she told me that being on the floor is the best place for them....needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.

I then visited a week later and she started telling me about his 'routine' which involves him not being allowed to be fed until after his morning bath and until they have sorted out their other son who is 6. She told me she doesn't want the baby of getting in the habit of thinking he can have food as soon as he wakes up....I wanted to scream, "He's 2 weeks old for God's Sake!"

And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age.

AIBU to feel a bit Hmm

I know parents can bring up their children however they like but he is still such a little baby. I'd want him near me all the time....

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/09/2013 23:03

What's wrong with own room at 6 weeks. Seems like common sense to me.

BOF · 07/09/2013 23:03

You won't be a nightmare mum at all, I'm sure, you sound lovely. But you may end up feeling you've got a nightmare of a Velcro baby. You have to do it your way though, and accept that other people will do it theirs.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:04

You're right arehtereantleftatall - in a way I'm glad IBU and have heard other people's experiences, it will help me realise that the ideology of having a bay is probably 100 miles away from the reality.

OP posts:
pictish · 07/09/2013 23:06

I never thought about how I would be as a parent, before I had kids. I always assumed that the few friends I had with kids knew what they were doing....I wasn't much interested, truth be told.

Libertine73 · 07/09/2013 23:06

op honestly,I bet she picked up on your 'concern'.

by the time your baby's 2 you will be in the same camp as me at the end of a long day, fed? check, not dead? check, happy days :)

BooCanary · 07/09/2013 23:08

Baby lying on mat, kicking legs and waving arms, whilst I had chance to chat to a visiting friend would have been a HUGE parenting win for me when I had a newborn. Sounds like your friend is getting on great.

When you are wandering around for hours on end with your restless newborn screaming, you will look back at the relative calm your friend achieved with wonder and awe, and pray to all that is holy that you will be able to have a 20 second wee never mind a chat with a friend!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:10

That made me smile Libertine Smile

I think really I'm just intrigued as to people's parenting styles etc and what forms them - not that there's anything wrong with any of them, but just what makes different parents do different things. I wonder sometimes if its because of how we were parented ourselves?

Me and my brothers were bought up by a very non-maternal woman, I don't think I was ever hugged by my mum past the age of 7, so maybe I have this innate 'thing' to just be the complete opposite.

It's all quite fascinating really.

OP posts:
spicegirl13 · 07/09/2013 23:13

YANBU about the feeding part, a tiny baby needs feeding when it's hungry not when its convenient for the rest of the family.

My SIL told me today that her 3 week old baby spits her dummy out & cries to 'get attention' not because she's hungry.....ummm.

Routine works for lots of families, but at this stage he's too small to have that forced upon him.

YAB a bit U about the playmat though. Small babies flail their arms about all over the place, doesn't mean they're unhappy.

bluecheque4595 · 07/09/2013 23:14

Writerwannabe I think you will make a great mum. You will be very cuddly and the opposite of your own Mum.

I think people who come on threads like this and call the OP a b@tch should have their comments moderated/removed. Its like sending in a nuclear warhead to crack a walnut. Chill out. That is all.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:16

You're right spice - maybe I was a bit OTT about the play mat.

I wonder how many parents do think that young babies cry for attention? At what age does this typically start??

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 07/09/2013 23:16

I don't think you're BU for wanting to do things differently to your friend. I cuddled my babies endlessly and co-slept. I wouldn't have thought that "being on the floor" was the best place for my babies at just 1 week old! I just wanted to cuddle them in the very early days! I didn't plan to be like that, it's just how I wanted it to be when they were born. They're older now, very independent and certainly not glued to my side all day long! You be the mum you want to be.

BOF · 07/09/2013 23:17

Chill out indeed.

BrianTheMole · 07/09/2013 23:17

Meh, you'll see the light one day op. I look back on how I was when my first was a baby, and the judgments I made about other parents with older children. And I think to myself... what a twat I was. Expect you will too Wink

Pickle131 · 07/09/2013 23:18

To be honest OP, I don't think your desire to pick up and cuddle the baby was BU. There's lots of "just you wait until you have one" type comments as though it's such a tough job. Ok my first was tough, but 12 years on and I'm loving every moment with DS2. It's relaxed, happy, and I don't feel like escaping or taking a break. I can understand mums who feel both ways. Maybe if I just had two tinies I'd be less attached to them every minute. I guess for me I just know how fast these years go, now DS1 is a teen, and want to enjoy all the cuddles and tend to every cry. I hope you have the experience you're dreaming of Smile

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:19

Thanks bluecheque - not that I'm blaming my mom for my OTT thoughts, but I do wonder if they are somehow shaped by past experiences. Saying that, one of my sisters has got a young baby too and she is very much like me in terms of thinking the baby should be at her side all the time. Maybe seeing her parent in that way is what I'm used to seeing so anything else is 'odd' - even though it isn't.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 23:19

Not many and at about 18 months, about the age they are able to link wrong doing and punishment (kind of)

firesideskirt · 07/09/2013 23:20

I think all OP is saying is she won't choose to parent like this when she has a baby. And plenty of people don't parent in this way, so that's fine. I wonder why all the nasty comments... oh right, this is AIBU.

rockybalboa · 07/09/2013 23:21

You've got a baby have you OP? Methinks not.

Biscuit as I frankly cannot be arsed to respond in detail to your wanky comments. A baby waving its arms and legs?! Call social services..Hmm

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2013 23:22

Oh, and we all think we'll never want to put our own babies down......

You have no idea how many times I got thrown out of the Vet's Grin

josiejay · 07/09/2013 23:22

Well done op for taking all the comments so graciously.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:23

Brian - that made me laugh. I'm quite prepared to admit when I'm a twat. Knowing the irony of it, one of the first things I will buy will be a play mat Smile

Pickle and Black - I guess we all have dreams about the kind of parent we want to be and all we can do is our best. When me and hubby talk about various aspects of parenting we do have some disagreements but I know that it isn't a case of I'm right and he's wrong, it is just that we come from completely different backgrounds and perspectives.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 07/09/2013 23:25

the only thing I want to say is that it's against guidelines to gave a baby sleep in a separate roomnuntil 6months old.
it reduces Sids to be in the same room.

all the other stuff is just preference

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:25

Thanks Josie - I'm not one for being bitter or retaliating. I came on here for people's honest opinions and I can digest them and take them on board and use them to think about how my life might actually be when baby comes along. I like to listen and learn from other parents, that's why I asked.

OP posts:
spicegirl13 · 07/09/2013 23:26

I think crying 'for attention' tends to start when they realise that they're no longer a part of you & can be separated from you, so about 6-8 months. Before that, any cry is about a basic need, hunger, thirst, tired, hot, cold, wet or dirty nappy etc.

OhDearNigel · 07/09/2013 23:27

I don't have a baby yet - currently expecting my first

Yet you're passing judgement on a mother of two ????? This is almost as funny as the alarm cock

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