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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to rescue my friend's baby...

187 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:33

Firstly, when I say 'rescue' I mean it tongue in cheek as he is not in any danger at all

Do you find it hard to watch other children parent their child in a way you either wouldn't do yourself or cannot understand?

A friend of mine recently had a baby and I first went to visit when he was about a week old. She fed him then put him on one of those play mats on the opposite side of the room and left him there whilst coming back to chat to me. He was really restless, fractious, waving his arms and legs around etc. I made a comment about him being active and she told me that being on the floor is the best place for them....needless to say I went and picked him up after a few minutes, after having asked if I could have a cuddle and he settled straight away.

I then visited a week later and she started telling me about his 'routine' which involves him not being allowed to be fed until after his morning bath and until they have sorted out their other son who is 6. She told me she doesn't want the baby of getting in the habit of thinking he can have food as soon as he wakes up....I wanted to scream, "He's 2 weeks old for God's Sake!"

And now I learn he has been moved into his own room and he is only just over 6 weeks of age.

AIBU to feel a bit

I know parents can bring up their children however they like but he is still such a little baby. I'd want him near me all the time....

OP posts:

Tryharder · 07/09/2013 23:56

YANBU op. Two weeks old is too young to be left on a playmat and fed to a schedule.

WhoDat · 07/09/2013 23:57

What BonaDrag said, I fear it'll take longer than 6wks though, to be fair, we all thought we'd "never do that!" I remember having to pick my judgey knickers right out of my arse at a mother stepping over the biggest flat out fist/feet thumping tantrum in a library one day. I do believe my thoughts were "why don't you just pick her up and let her have what she wants?" Of course the worm turned and a few years later I was forcibly unpicking my DS's hands from whatever he'd decided to vice grip that day making a holy fucking show of me in many, oh so many, places and I took a leaf out of that mother's books and pretended I wasn't actually choking down sobs.

Yamyoid · 07/09/2013 23:57

Sorry but I think it's really mean and unnecessary to bathe a baby before feeding them in the morning. Mine would've screamed and screamed.
And I'd also pick up a restless baby rather than leave them alone on a mat. They need cuddling!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 23:58

Brian - that's interesting about co-sleeping as it was always something that I thought was discouraged. I wonder if different Health Visitors give out different advice on this? But, when you put across the argument it does seem to make sense.

Dd you co-sleep and how did you find it?

OP posts:

Mintyy · 07/09/2013 23:58

As I said, I don't think op is bu to be a bit about putting such a tiny baby on a playmat and leaving him to grizzle. Fair enough if the mum had something that needed to be done, but all she was doing was chatting to her friend.

nowwhat · 07/09/2013 23:59

You've already had your MN telling-off but I will vent! When my clingy 3 month old allows me to put him down in his bouncy chair or on his mat I REJOICE in my freedom and might even risk running to the bathroom for a quick wash, might make myself a sandwich, or a cup of tea...

I'm by myself with him and he already loves the television more than I'm proud of. Why? He's usually happy to sit and watch tv for half an hour in the mornings and it's often my only respite.

He's an ok sleeper at night but he's useless at napping, we walk miles almost every day because he will nap and I might as well walk actual miles in the fresh air with him rather than equivalent miles on my living room rug.

I'm sure you will think back on this and have a giggle to yourself when your little one arrives (congratulations btw) :)

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:00

Who - I like the term Judgey Knickers.

I'm sure we all have a pair of those that we wear occasionally...

OP posts:

Mintyy · 08/09/2013 00:00

But 3 months is not the same as 2 weeks, is it?

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:02

OP - get thee to an NCT sale. Take dh to carry stuff.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:02

Now - surely there's nothing wrong with a bit of TV in the morning? I would have thought that in small doses it might be beneficial to their development, all those colours and moving shapes??

That's an uneducated assumption though

OP posts:

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:03

northern - what is an NCT sale?

OP posts:

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:04

ooh look Galt playnest on ebay.......

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:05

OMG - that looks brilliant!!!!

OP posts:

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:08

NCT sale - National Childbirth Trust nearly new sales aka place where parents offload their baby and toddler stuff on more new parents.

Typically busy places with lost of tea and cake and more bumps, babies and toddlers per square foot than anywhere in the UK. Quite high chance of nice middle class mummies being heard to address their dc amusingly. Now that you can judge! I heard 'Ptolemy don't do that' in the queue at one once. Mind you I can talk..........

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:08

NCT sales

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:12

Why, what is yours called? Lol

OP posts:

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:15

Mine are all girls with Shakespearean names. One is now fairly popular but the other two are quite rare.

lisylisylou · 08/09/2013 00:16

Oh god, I'm a useless mother then. Kept my dd in the swing chair to sleep through the night when she was a baby instead of putting her in a cot. Fed both of mine on jar food when I was weening them. Watched and then ran after my dd rolling down a car park in a shopping trolley when she was a toddler as I was loading food shopping in the car. Have shouted at teachers/dh/dc's/mil/sil only for starters. I've sobbed, slept in darkened rooms during the day,laughed hysterically and have easily trained myself to drink 3/4 of a bottle of wine in one night(never a full bottle though otherwise that's an admittance that I have an alcohol problem). Now I watch my 9yr old ds dissolve into tears, shout, iPad it up,and my 7yr old dd burping and farting on a daily basis thinking thats fantastic! and todays conversation was dh telling me and our children about the Jessica Ennis's bottom appreciation society's Facebook page which he very proudly announced that he's joined! God forbid laying a baby on a playmat after drinking some milk!

BrianTheMole · 08/09/2013 00:19

I did co sleep some of the time with dc 1, the rest of the time she was up against the bed in a raised moses basket. And I co slept full time with dc2. I found it easier to co sleep full time, as it meant that although I didn't fall into a deep sleep, I got more rest than the part time sleeping. And dc 2 would just latch on when he was hungry. I just lay there between the hours of 11 and 6 like an exhausted whale. With dc 1 I got up physically in the night a lot more, which meant that I found the days harder to manage. And I kept changing her nappy in the night after every wee as well (you dont need to do that, I realised months after nappies last for hours with wees).

But I remember one night waking up with a start, dc1 in her basket, and I knew she had stopped breathing. I prodded her. Nothing. I prodded her harder again. And again. Then suddenly, whoosh, her breathing kicked in. This never happened with dc2 who I slept with all the time, so no idea if it was ever an issue with him or not, re the stopping breathing. But I would always say its a good idea to sleep close by. It doesn't save every baby, of course it doesn't, but for me I felt it gave us more of a chance.

WhoDat · 08/09/2013 00:21

writer graciously accepting the apocalypse! I like it . As us battle scarred mums are saying, you literally can't know, you have to have gone through every high, low and more importantly the bloody mundane, to know. Motherhood is a shocking, head swimming, sometimes brutal but nearly always, deeply satisfying experience. It's unlike anything I've ever been through, and I didn't want to do it more than twice! You get a very small window to be that person, but as my much more patient than me BF always says when someone remarks "she's such a good mother!" her response is "every mother I know is a good mother, unless they're bringing them up in a crack den, the rest of us are doing our best"

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:25

lisy - your post put a smile on my face, it sounds exhausting!!! I can't drink alcohol unfortunately so I will try and plan ahead for what other remedies I can use

Brian - that must have been so scary for you when your baby stopped breathing, I'm so glad everything was ok!!

Right, I'm off to bed now, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and advice, it has helped me put things into perspective x x

OP posts:

BrianTheMole · 08/09/2013 00:25

Bugger the play nest. What you want is a baby bjorn 123 rocking chair. < turning into bossy know it all now >

BrianTheMole · 08/09/2013 00:26

Night night op. enjoy your first baby when he/she arrives. Very special time.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 00:30

Thanks Who - your comment about the crack den made me . Thanks for all your wise words. If we mums-to-be can't ask for advice and take criticism- from other mums then what hope is there? Everyone's comments, minus the one about me being a bitch-- have been really helpful. I really do see things from a different angle now and that's what MN should be about, supporting and encouraging others to learn and open their eyes/minds to other people's ways of thinking x

OP posts:

northernlurker · 08/09/2013 00:33

A useful evening OP - two mumsnet rites of passage complete. Firstly you got flamed and toasted and secondly you will now be able to say to dh 'we need a nest/mat/baby bjorn whatsit for the baby...' and he will say 'why?' and you will reply 'because I read about it on mumsnet!'

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