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AIBU?

to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

272 replies

Redpipe · 07/09/2013 18:47

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

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NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 21:57

No.

I just think it is sad to segregate 3 year olds on the basis of their sex and then enforce strict gender roles. It is limiting.

Like I say, it's not like that around here (apart from a handful of parents), for which I am very thankful.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 21:58

I did find it the other way round Piglet. But that's just mine. most things were mixed from the age of about six or seven.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 21:58

I've spent a lot of time working with three year olds. I really don't think it's unusual for a three year old girl to want a princess party.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 21:59

Well, yes, actually. You would force the child not to have a fairy party and to invite boys. To behave like your children behaved.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 21:59

Would people be happy if their nurseries were segregating the children in this way, out of interest?

Getting the girls in one room, playing in the home corner
Getting the boys in another room, playing pirates and having lost of space to run around

Would people be comfortable with that? It is the same thing. Segregation on the grounds of sex and prescribing activities on that basis also.

I thought we had got a bit further than this in society TBH.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:00

No - but what has that to do with it? What a straw man.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:01

Sorry but you must be desperate for a sensible argument if you think allowing a girls only fairy party is the same as making girls play in the home corner at nursery while boys run around.

SunshineMMum · 07/09/2013 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:03

You would advocate 3 year olds being separated on the grounds of sex at nursery, and given different activities based on "traditional" gender roles?

Well that's interesting.

I think it would probably be illegal though.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 22:03

No, because that's nursery. It's where they regularly go to learn and be exposed to activities that appeal to children, and as has been pointed out, lots of children don't fit their gender stereotype.

A party is different, it's a one off event dedicated to one particular child. It's purpose is not the same as a nurseries.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:04

I think I'm going to bow out too.

Can't understand why people want to enforce this stuff at all, let alone with toddlers.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:05

It's rather easier to construct an argument against gender stereotyping at nursery rather than against a fairy party - I can understand why you've gone down that route.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:06

Nicetabard: goodnight - with a reminder that it's you who want to do the enforcing. :)

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:11

I've gone down that route because it is the same thing.

Doing it at home is no better than doing it at nursery. And I'm sure most people can understand why that would be wrong.

All I am trying to enforce is that idea that males and females have more in common than not, and that they are equal, and that they can enjoy each others company, and that telling 3 year old children that boys and girls are fundamentally different limits them and (when this attitude is taken across society) it causes a lot of harm.

I think it's better to teach boys and girls that they have a lot in common and to get on, rather than teach them that boys and girls are almost a different species.

Maybe I am just an idealist.

SunshineMMum · 07/09/2013 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acer12 · 07/09/2013 22:13

If my dd wanted a princess party, she would get a princess party why is it every one gets offended if their dc don't get invited to a bloody kids party?

If it was a mixed party then , yeah I'd be a bit pissed if my son hadn't been invited but if you want to dress him in a frock then go ask if he can go! At the end of the day who is more disappointed you of him?

Ha ha reminds me of a wedding I was at, we were all getting our brides maids dressed on and the little Paige boy who was 4 was broken hearted he had to wear a pants suit instead of a dress! His dad went mental

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:13

it is most definitely not the same thing
it is not "doing it at home"
this is a birthday party and having a princess theme does not negate the ideas that boys and girls have a lot in common

boys and girls have a lot not in common as well - or don't you think so? do you think everyone is the same?

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:13

Don't you think that ideas of equality - religion, race, sex, disability and so on, should be enforced amongst young children (and all people for that matter?).

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:14

yy sunshinemum

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:14

These children are three - not 7 or 12 or 16. Three.

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:14

Don't you think that ideas of equality - religion, race, sex, disability and so on, should be enforced amongst young children (and all people for that matter?)?

What. Are. You. Talking. About.

NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:16

It does negate the idea that girls and boys have a lot in common, because 2 of the 8 children in the group have been excluded just because they are boys.

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NiceTabard · 07/09/2013 22:17

That's not a yes, I can't help but notice

Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 22:18

I wonder if SirChenjin will invite you to start a new thread. She thought gender divisions at a different age were derailing. Perhaps she'll think the same about teaching nursery children about religious equality because I can't for the life of me see what that's got to do with a fairy party.

enderwoman · 07/09/2013 22:18

I'm guessing that 6 girls (+ 6 parents and the odd sibling because you can't drop off your child) and friends/family from out of nursery (+ their parent and siblings) is a big guest list. My home isn't small but couldn't accommodate that many people and if its a pay per head party then there will be a limit to how many kids can come.
Don't take it personally. Stuff like this happens and always will.

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