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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be getting really fed up with this? Thoughts, please.

336 replies

friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 16:41

We live in a terraced house. When I sit in the garden, I can see next door's garden clearly.

My next door neighbour is also a friend and has two little girls. The youngest is 5 years old.

We have a dog (chocolate Labrador) who is completely harmless. He does the occasional "woof!" in joy when the door first opens and he has freedom that is it - one bark, he isn't a "noisy" dog in the slightest.

However the youngest of the girls hates him - OK, can live with that. But I can't live with:

Screaming hysterically when he is in our garden and she is in hers; crying, yelling, howling.

Screaming hysterically if he's going for his evening walk and they are going in/out of the house at the same time.

Screaming hysterically when she was around here one evening with her parents and sister. Dog was banished to the kitchen but on one occasion someone left the door ajar when they used the downstairs loo and he stuck his head round. Scream, scream, scream.

I broached it with my neighbour, nicely, and tried to explain that it is pretty unpleasant (I didn't use those words) - she just got defensive and said her DD wouldn't change, she has "always been scared of dogs" and for her, children come before animals.

Am I really being SO unreasonable though? Surely he's got a right to go for his walk in the evenings (he is on a lead by the way) or have a roll in the garden without being screamed at?

OP posts:

EvieanneVolvic · 07/09/2013 19:08

I get it that you don't "get" dogs but I don't "get" advocating cruelty, and rehoming is.

This is what was actually said, so as near as dammit to saying I advocate cruelty, as I was pretty close to advocating rehoming. It can only have been cruel (it was hypothetical not an action after all) if I had understood the cruelty but, in my admitted ignorance, I didn't, as I have said.

I did actually see NDN and her two DDs in the town centre one Saturday. Market town, lots of dogs. Her DD was fine. Who knows?

So are you saying that your dog might be at fault after all?

Now I really must go: those whippets are not going to bite their own heads off (sweeps out a la Cruella DeVille)

PresidentServalan · 07/09/2013 19:11

It sounds like the kid has learnt to get her own way by screaming, like one of the pp said. And as another said, what if she reacts like that to a nervous dog? Her parents need to sort this out before she does get bitten.

thornrose · 07/09/2013 19:12

I wonder if its the fact that OP's dog can be heard next door bot not seen. She can hear it barking and snuffling around but she doesn't know where it is?

In the street the dog is clearly on a lead and more "predictable"?

Icantstopeatinglol · 07/09/2013 19:13

friends I'm not usually a dog person but I don't think yabu to be upset with the situation at all. It can't really go on cos it's not fair on both sides. My dd is scared of cats and dogs, we've had cats since before she was born and she still screams 'cat!!' when they walk in the room but I think it's because she is genuinely scared but also out of habit. That's how she's always react but we don't kick the cats out as that's not going to help her. She's slowly getting used to them.
I feel for the 5yr old cos a fear is a fear at the end of the day and the parents need to try and help her with that and your dog is an ideal situation ( I love chocolate Labradors by the way, we had one when I was little but had to rehome her to a farm as my sister was allergic to animal hair....I do say to this day we should have rehomed my sister lol! Only kidding but chocolate Labradors are soft as clarts and I'd def get one when my dc are older).
I hope you get sorted soon, it must be hard.

thornrose · 07/09/2013 19:15

President pets being family members and on a par with children is very, very hard to understand for people who've never had a pet.

FixItUpChappie · 07/09/2013 19:16

I'm not fond of dogs but even I think YANBU. Before you move can you pop by and try again with the parents? I would have to restrain myself from loudly telling her (and her parents) "oh enough already! You don't have to like him but stop with the dramatics FGS".

Ragwort · 07/09/2013 19:17

What do the girl's parents do when she starts screaming?

(garlic - had to laugh at your comment ).

thenightsky · 07/09/2013 19:19

Bloody hell... so the child doesn't scream at dogs she passes in your little market town, so she doesn't have a phobia of dogs at all!

Your neighbours are taking the piss.

Now we just need to find out why.

OutragedFromLeeds · 07/09/2013 19:19

No, Evie

The OP said

'I get it that you don't "get" dogs but I don't "get" advocating cruelty, and rehoming is'

and here is what you claimed she said

'People who don't get dogs advocate cruelty'

that is not 'as near as dammit' the same actually.

One is about a specific person (i.e. you) making a specific statement. The other is general. Nowhere did the OP say that people (in general) who don't get dogs advocate cruelty (in general). Rehoming a dog because your neighbour doesn't like it is cruel and you did suggest it, so she's not wrong with that statement.

Pixieonthemoor · 07/09/2013 19:20

Oops sorry X-post . I see that you have seen the neighbours and their dd in town with lots of dogs around and no screaming......in which case my pity for the poor, scared child has just gone out of the window. If she is fine around other dogs then she sounds like a brat who is enjoying the attention she gets.

LookingForwardToSalmon · 07/09/2013 19:22

If it was to every dog then I could have been a fear...

But seeing as it just seems to be aimed at your nice dog I'd assume the kids practicing for her Oscar.

Scratch my earlier suggestion... make it werewolf heads on sticks. Then she will stop coming into the garden at all and your families ears can get a good rest.

(Before anyone has a hissy fit, yes I know the kids 5, yes I know it would probably traumatise her, and I'm joking...kind of)

LookingForwardToSalmon · 07/09/2013 19:22

*it could have been fear

PresidentServalan · 07/09/2013 19:23

thornrose I see what you are saying but the reverse can also be true - your pet may be more important to you than someone else's child, especially to people who have not got children.

SarahAndFuck · 07/09/2013 19:24

OP do you know if she reacts like this to every dog she sees?

And how do her parents react to the screaming? Do they try to calm her down, do they call her in, ask her to stop, ignore her, glare at you and the dog, walk away? They must do something, even if it's nothing. Knowing their reaction to her screaming, other than saying they put people first, would help.

If she has a real phobia, then she needs proper professional help to deal with it, for her own sake.

If she just dislikes your dog because her parents dislike dogs and screams at yours because it's the nearest one then they have caused this and they need to stop it before it does become a phobia for her. They are causing her harm and you and your family distress.

PresidentServalan · 07/09/2013 19:25

Lookingforward the OP could go trick or treating for Halloween this year And I am also (sort of) joking!

EvieanneVolvic · 07/09/2013 19:26

Your general semantics lesson is appreciated Leeds but OP is still wrong with that statement (although Friends has since said she wasn't saying I was cruel just that the suggestion was) because as I have already said (and jeez even I am bored with this now so lord knows what you must be feeling!) I did not understand quite how traumatic rehoming could be, so I was not advocating cruelty in suggesting it.

I will never ever ever ever suggest it again, not even as a throwaway comment if only to stop you guys bloody well going on about it

Enough already!

EvieanneVolvic · 07/09/2013 19:27

And okay, whoever said 18.35 doesn't clean up after all. Happy now?

SarahAndFuck · 07/09/2013 19:27

x-posts, I see it is just your dog.

I'd still like to know what her parents do while the screaming is happening.

LookingForwardToSalmon · 07/09/2013 19:28

President

Now that's the kind of thinking that will solve this problem for the op

LookingForwardToSalmon · 07/09/2013 19:29

pfft earlier post *family's not families!

Sleep deprivation is a bitch.

thenightsky · 07/09/2013 19:32

I've worked nights and I'm feeling very sorry for your DH being woken by screaming.

comingalongnicely · 07/09/2013 19:36

I'd see if you could get some classed for your dog to remove the fear of the noise - the police train their dogs to ignore noise & disturbance, as do Gamekeepers. He may even get to like it, in which case you'll be able to put him out in the garden & go to the pub while Little Miss next door screams herself hoarse.

YANBU, some people get overly precious over the "rights" of spoilt brats.

Original poster

friendslikethese · 07/09/2013 19:36

I feel sorry for him as well!

She did seem happy enough with dogs around her in the town - they were mainly smaller breeds, so maybe it's his size that she doesn't like? Anyway I am going round in half an hour to discuss it, I have had ENOUGH.

OP posts:

comingalongnicely · 07/09/2013 19:37

Ooh, good - let us know how it goes!

thenightsky · 07/09/2013 19:40

LOL at size of dog being the issue. It puts me in mind of that scene from Father Ted.

'this cow is close... this cow is far away'

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