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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pictures of sick child in hospital on FB?

452 replies

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:15

Close-up shots of very sick child sleeping/with drip in arms/trying to smile for camera with balloons people have given them with updates like 'thanks for the balloon they cheered her up a bit' taken by parents have come up on my feed (they don't know what's wrong with child yet).
Aibu to be a bit shocked at these?

OP posts:
ithaka · 05/09/2013 07:19

YABU

comedycentral · 05/09/2013 07:19

Not sure why you are shocked, can you explain some more?

AnneUulmelmahay · 05/09/2013 07:20

Yabu

The parents coping mechanisms are not yours

SuperiorCat · 05/09/2013 07:21

Exactly what Anne said.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/09/2013 07:22

When you are stuck in hospital for some people contact through Facebook can be a lifesaver. We supported my beautiful friend through the last year of her life and several massive surgeries through Facebook. She was in central London we were spread over the country, much of the time she was in ICU unable to have visitors. We saw pictures of Mrs Wiggly her central line and various other medical bits.
Send a message of support they will be grateful.

rockybalboa · 05/09/2013 07:24

Course YABU. What sort of utter weirdo would begrudge the parents of a sick child putting a photo of their child on FB to thank the person who had bought them a gift to make them happy. I hope they defriend you, I wouldn't want people with views like that on my FB.

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:25

Of course I've sent a message of support but don't know them that well tbh friend of a friend.

I've had a few friends say they were quite taken aback by the pictures too as the child looked so unwell with an unknown virus or some sort - v close up shots of their face all swollen and red :( Feel a bit sorry for the child really, being plastered all over FB when very vulnerable.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:26

'Utter weirdo' ??!!

Wow.

OP posts:
AnneUulmelmahay · 05/09/2013 07:29

So you've hoiked bosoms over this in RL, too?

catinabox · 05/09/2013 07:30

The parents coping mechanisms are not yours

^^ that.

WestieMamma · 05/09/2013 07:31

You've sent a 'message of support' but bitching about them on here is hardly supporting them :(

NynaevesSister · 05/09/2013 07:31

Then people complain because all they see on FB is how great people are doing and what their achievements are. Never mind they are doing this to help keep people updated and they don't have time to thank everyone. Some people will always moan no matter what.

MrsKwazii · 05/09/2013 07:34

Is it that they make you feel uncomfortable because illness is scary? That it shows you and others that children can get sick - which opens the door to the realisation that some sick children also go on to die?

I'm not having a go at you OP, just suggesting another reason why you might feel uneasy about it. I know that some people hide the bereavement threads from their active convo lists for the very same reason. Illness is often kept hidden nowadays and something that happens to other people that we don't know. Except, of course, that's rubbish that we tell ourselves to keep it at arms length and so not have to acknowledge it.

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:34

When Anne?

The child was quite sick with a virus that lasted a week, she will probably be home in a few days.

One thing that did make me Hmm a bit was so much time spent in FB uploading pictures/lots of updates when they had just got there and drs were doing lots of tests to find out what was wrong.
I guess I just wouldn't even think to be on the Internet at all if I had just rushed my child to hospital. But if that's their coping mechanism, fine - I hadn't thought about that.

I was more concerned for the child's privacy, I guess, at a time when they were at their most vulnerable.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 05/09/2013 07:35

What I find distasteful is that their child is sick possibly dying. Is now really the time to start judging them for the choices they are making? Hey they're going through the worst time of their lives but in the meantime their friends are criticising their choice of pictures?

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:36

Maybe MrsK I have a young baby so maybe you're right. Thanks for not being unkind.

And I most definitely am not 'bitching' about anyone.

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 05/09/2013 07:37

I do not think you are being totally unreasonable
I personally do not understand it it then I do not understand why people have their life on fb

I think people should think more about putting so many photos on fb especially of their children

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:37

She's not dying, but if she was, is FB (where they are friends with a lot of people they probably aren't close to) the place to air your child's decline? Or should you be spending every second with said child stroking their face, holding them

OP posts:
Trapper · 05/09/2013 07:40

Uploading a picture to Facebook from a smart phone takes a matter of seconds and there is a lot of dead/waiting time when you are in hospital so there is no way you could assume the parent is somehow being negligent by posting photos.

OddBoots · 05/09/2013 07:42

Obviously I'm not a child but when I was seriously ill a few years ago my dh kept people updated via FB, it was the least stressful and time intensive way for him to do it as we have a large family and lots of good friends who we'd want to keep informed - much simpler to just do it once rather than call/text everyone.

AnneUulmelmahay · 05/09/2013 07:42

You really don't have a clue. This is said kindly.

MammaTJ · 05/09/2013 07:43

I have no patience with that attitude! Seriously, do you think it is good for a dying child to have their parents 'spend every second with said child striking their face,holding them'?

They child would want as much laughter and normality as possible and the parents would want whatever comfort they could get, whether on FB or not.

I suggest you be honest with yourself and delete them from your friends list! You are not their friend!

IwannaSleep · 05/09/2013 07:43

It can be a distraction for the parents it also would stop them googling every type of test and symptom of illness that the child could possibly have. Plus you are waiting hours for results to come back for each test , but don't want to leave child's side, and each minute can drag. Each to their own.

CelticPromise · 05/09/2013 07:43

I put pics of my very premature and sick baby on FB. I was spending most of my time with him and I needed to connect with people who cared about us. It was also the easiest way to give an update to lots of people at the same time.

YABU.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 05/09/2013 07:44

I understand your discomfort to a point. My DS was ill and in nicu for a couple of weeks then back in hospital for a month.

Friends asked for photos when he was born, and i was as proud as any New parent and wanted everyone to see him. That meant photos with drips, wires, monitors etc.

DS was only home and for 4 days in total until he was nearly 4 months - the opportunity for normal photos was scarce. So yes, photos of my tiny, prem baby are on fb.

BUT my mum can't look at the pics from when he was very poorly in hospital. So i don't think you are unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable but maybe you've not quite thought through the reasons behind the photos.
was very poorl hospital for