Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Pictures of sick child in hospital on FB?

452 replies

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:15

Close-up shots of very sick child sleeping/with drip in arms/trying to smile for camera with balloons people have given them with updates like 'thanks for the balloon they cheered her up a bit' taken by parents have come up on my feed (they don't know what's wrong with child yet).
Aibu to be a bit shocked at these?

OP posts:
ll31 · 05/09/2013 07:44

Am often amazed by what people choose to moan about,but really,parents looking after sick child upsets you? Weirdo is right tbh

MrsKwazii · 05/09/2013 07:50

Until you yourself are in a particular situation, you really don't know how you would react and what you would do. I'm glad to hear that the child is recovering.

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:53

I think a lot of people are projecting on this thread, so sorry if I offended anyone with sick children.

OP posts:
LifeofPo · 05/09/2013 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belatedmaybe · 05/09/2013 07:57

You are getting dangerously close to upsetting a lot of people on here op. I am really pleased you have your ideas for your children but it is probably best just to accept that other people cope/behave differently - not badly - differently.

It also might be a good idea, going forward, if you think about how your words can affect people outside of your world because they do.

Tailtwister · 05/09/2013 07:57

Whilst it's not something I think I would do, I agree that if it's something the parents find helps then that's fine with me. It may be that they don't want to field constant phone calls/texts and find having one place where everyone can see how things are progressing useful.

DS2 had meningitis when he was 10 days old and I remember being very upset with DH when he took photos of him with drips and monitors on. At the time we weren't sure if he would pull through (it turned out to be viral meningitis so we were very lucky) and DH wanted some way of remembering him should the worst happen. Even though DS2 is fine, I do look back at the photos every now and then and I'm glad I have them.

ChunkyPickle · 05/09/2013 07:58

When DS went into hospital with a nasty chest infection I sent a couple of those pictures - family had known that we'd gone in, and I wanted to show that we were doing OK, and keep them updated (most were too far to visit, and I didn't want to be fielding phone calls).

Then, once he'd perked up a bit, I wanted to show him eating and smiling (still covered in masks/tubes) to show he was on the mend.

As much as you're sitting there hugging your child and worrying, there is a lot of slack time in hospital where there really is nothing to do but sit there (and worry some more) - having some messages of support coming in can make all the difference.

TheYamiOfYawn · 05/09/2013 07:58

When my godson was seriously I'll, I was very grateful to his parents for putting updates and photos on facebook. I wasn't able to visit him in hospital, and it was a good way to keep in touch.

PommesFright · 05/09/2013 08:02

Dd2 has spent a lot of time in hospital, and often there is no phone reception for texts but there is for internet. Fb is often used by me/dh to update each other and close family/friends. It is far quicker and easier than individual messages, and I have always been mindful and grateful that dd has a lot of people who care deeply about her and need/want to know how she is.

That said, I don't have "friends of friends" able to see my page and have strict privacy settings.

TSSDNCOP · 05/09/2013 08:04

I think it's fair enough for parents to do this as a way to work through their terrible situation and keep friends and family broadly updated without having to leave their child or repeat difficult conversations over and over.

But, and there always is one right, I'm not sure they realise that those people often "share" the information with their own friends list. So that desperately sick childs picture showing them in great pain/distress/depth of illness is being beamed to the FB of dozens of totally unrelated people. Those people are obviously sympathetic, who wouldn't be, but it feels terribly intrusive to see these pictures of poor children in you don't know in their most orivate moments and when you can do nothing at all to help their parents.

ihearsounds · 05/09/2013 08:05

When you are in hospital with a sick relative, it simply is not possible to be with that person the entire time. Depending on the tests being done, it isn't always possible to be with a loved one. Even on wards, staff advice loved ones to go and have a break.

So what is the suggestion during the time you cannot be near the ill person? Sit in a corner staring at a wall? No, they want to have something else to focus on. They want to update people that are aware of the situation. Much easier, emotionally for that person to update lots of people in one go, rather than having to make numerous calls. But then chances are, because of the time the calls took, people would moan about that as well. Much easier and quicker for a mass update.

You have the choice. You don't like what parents do to let their friends and family know about their ill child, in a manner that is emotionally better for them, then delete these people. Their updates are not about your feelings. The updates are about letting those know that actually care.

Montybojangles · 05/09/2013 08:08

I've never had a sick child in hospital, but as a nurse I can assure you that there is a lot of waiting around, a lot of boredom (for parents and children) and little chance for external support (visitor numbers are very limited, if you want to phone friends/family you generally should leave the ward).

FB is a quick, easy way to contact your extended support network, and is an ongoing, updating medium that shows people care and are wishing you well. It is also nice for the child in question here to read the lovely messages I imagine people responded with.

YABVU, and it makes me sad that you have also bitched about this with others in RL too.

catinabox · 05/09/2013 08:09

I think there can be a certain crassness about facebook sharing of any kind really but it has also become part of the way that we communicate with people. I wouldn't personally share lots and lots of pics of DC on facebook (mainly because of their own right to privacy) but one or two snaps of family holidays or whatever maybe.

I have been snide about someone sharing pictures of their sunday lunch (again) or people being vague but can't imagine being critical about someone sharing a picture of a sick child.

I know though that my networks are quite big and it is impossible to keep up with everyone without FB. Ex colleagues, current colleagues, old school/college/uni friends, sports friends, people from the community where i have lived, where i used to live. I have shared parts of my life with these people at different times, and currently, with many still do. I love that facebook has helped maintain a feeling that these people are still current and made it easy to keep in touch when everyone is busy.

I know if one of their DC was ill i'd want to know, if i was in that position, i'd want to feel people were thinking of me, and I know that they would care.

I think if you have seen a picture of someone's sick child on facebook and that your reaction is to think 'how crass', they are not really someone you care about. Maybe you are not using facebook in a way that is helpful to you.

nocarsgo · 05/09/2013 08:10

Nothing wrong with that.

What IS wrong are those photos of sick babies and children (stolen from Google Images) with "like and share if you wish cancer didn't exist" or some such bollocks.

I could rant for ages about Fackbook slacktivism Hmm

abayababe · 05/09/2013 08:18

op, i dont think yabu, my little boy was v sick after he was born, sepsis, menigitis, heart failure, and was ventilated twice, I'am quite active on facebook under normal circumstances but for some reason I couldnt put those pictures of him so ill on fb, it just seemed disrespectful to him, I wouldnt like pictures of myself so ill on FB so why would I do it for someone else, I communicated with those closest to me via sms, but thats just my opinion, each to there own, I wouldnt think any less of someone who did though.

Dumpylump · 05/09/2013 08:20

I feel exactly as TSSDNCOP has said, and it sounds as though that is how the OP feels too....if it isn't somebody you know well, then I think I would feel I was intruding on something private.

catinabox · 05/09/2013 08:21

slacktivism great word nocarsgo!

Sirzy · 05/09/2013 08:24

I can only guess you have never been in the position of having a very sick child?

When DS was 8 weeks old he was in HDU, not sure if he would make it or not. Lots of people were asking how he was doing which was great but also quite frustrating in a way. By posting updates on facebook it saved people having to contact me individually (of course I kept important people much more updated personally) and I could control when I looked at it and read the messages.

Sitting with a sick child when you are scared makes for a very long slow day, so any distractions are greatfully accepted.

The only picture I chose to post on facebook was one of him smiling when he was on oxygen as he was getting better. The pictures of him on cpap are personal to me so I didn't want to share them but can understand why others would want to.

I think this is very much a case of needing to walk a mile in someones shoes before judging them.

Charotte31 · 05/09/2013 08:31

Friends of mine have done this too. It's just a bit attention seeking! No need for it. They should respect the child's privacy, maybe they don't want pictures of them feeling ill all over fb. I know I wouldn't!

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 05/09/2013 08:31

I don't like the graphic like and share pics of babies. I saw one yesterday and the baby's face was horrific Sad

Tiredemma · 05/09/2013 08:33

"Friends of mine have done this too. It's just a bit attention seeking! No need for it"

Interested to know if you told your friend that they were 'attention seeking'??

Sirzy · 05/09/2013 08:34

Some friend you are if you feel that them wanting to share their childs illness with friends is attention seeking. I suggest you defriend if you feel like that.

Original poster
TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 08:38

But, and there always is one right, I'm not sure they realise that those people often "share" the information with their own friends list. So that desperately sick childs picture showing them in great pain/distress/depth of illness is being beamed to the FB of dozens of totally unrelated people. Those people are obviously sympathetic, who wouldn't be, but it feels terribly intrusive to see these pictures of poor children in you don't know in their most orivate moments and when you can do nothing at all to help their parents.

This. This is exactly how I feel.

Maybe if the parents sent the pictures to close relatives/friends only if they want to keep people updated.

Thank you to the rest who have been through awful circumstances for educating me on why parents would do this. Personally, I wouldn't post pictures of my ill child on FB as I am friends with many work people/acquaintances etc so might send a group email or something.

OP posts:
Charotte31 · 05/09/2013 08:41

I stand by what I said. Putting pictures on fb of your sick children is attention seeking. What else is it then?? Up dating a status is fine, good way to let everyone know what's going on a once. But photos why? As I said the poor children probably don't want them all over fb. Would you??

Tiredemma · 05/09/2013 08:42

I have been extremely fortunate to not have to sit at my sick childs bedside. There have been a couple of occasions where I have had to attend A&E with them for minor sports injuries but thankfully nothing more than that. To know that you can find some emotional support via the internet during these times must be re-assuring.

Not everyone has family who live close to them, who can visit that sick child- using this method of communication is a way for people to keep updated and to send messages of love.

Cant see what the problem is with that.