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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC's with in-laws so DP and I can have a weekend away?

206 replies

snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:35

DD1 will be 21 months and DD2 will be 3 months. DP and I are thinking about a weekend away in the Lake District at the beginning of October. His parents have offered to look after the DC's which I am completely happy about as they are great GP's and the girls love them. We are thinking of leaving on the Friday and coming back on the Monday.

Would you leave your baby for the weekend at 3 months (she is FF)? I am also worried that DD1 will wonder where we are and get upset and I hate the thought of her missing us (she as stayed with the ILs a few times overnight and been absolutely fine but 24 hours is a bit different to 3 days).

I have the booking open on anther tab just waiting for me to click but I feel v guilty about it and can't quite bring myself to go ahead!

Am I being over anxious about this? Should I just go ahead and book?

WWYD?

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 04/09/2013 22:39

I wouldn't leave a 3 month old personally but please could I be adopted by your amazing in-laws.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/09/2013 22:39

I wouldn't have left mine at such a young age, no, but then I BF them both so it wouldn't actually have been possible.

DS1 has stayed with my parents a fair bit, he is five now. We are just in the process of organising for DS2 to have his first trip to stay with them, he is not quite 2.6

I think you have to go with your instinct. If your instinct says 'hooray weekend away' and you can go with a clear head and enjoy yourself, then great. But if you are going to stressing and worrying and get upset then you should hold off and think again in a few months.

comedycentral · 04/09/2013 22:41

It's only a weekend, the grandparents will spoil them! Go and have fun :-)

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 04/09/2013 22:41

Go for it!

StitchingMoss · 04/09/2013 22:41

Personally that would have been far too young for me - we first left our boys for a weekend when they were 4 & nearly 3. But you know your kids and your ILs and ultimately it's your call.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/09/2013 22:42

At 3 months, I wouldn't even contemplate it. I think 24 hours is already a very long time to leave such a young baby. I can't really say why I feel that way, but for me I couldn't bear to be apart that long and a few hours was ample.

But everyone is different - if you honestly feel everyone involved will cope well, there is no logical reason why not.

PoppyWearer · 04/09/2013 22:43

As you are FF I would say to go for it.

DH and I had a weekend away when DC2 was 8mo but I was still bf and it was really tough going from that perspective. However I did feel better for some sleep.

Jinsei · 04/09/2013 22:46

Personally, I wouldn't have done (not least because I was bfing, but I think I'd also have been worrying about them all weekend, which would have rather defeated the object). However, my friend left her two at similar ages, and they were absolutely fine - the grandparents had a lovely weekend with the children, and the short break did her and her DH the world of good.

If you trust your in-laws and you think you could relax properly without worrying about the children, then go for it! But if you're going to spend the whole weekend worrying or feeling guilty, then don't bother!

Original poster
snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:46

Alibaba - I know what you mean. I know part of me will spend the weekend worrying about them which makes me think I should hold off. The other part however loves the thought of a weekend with just my DP where we can drink wine, have an evening out and a lie in :). I am torn.

Comedy - yes they would be totally spoilt by my ILs!

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 04/09/2013 22:48

Go and enjoy, but only if you're not overwhelmed with guilt! I totally agree with going with your gut and there is no right or wrong answer.

I left DS with DH and went to Miami on a hen weekend (I live an hours flight south of MIA, not like we flew from UK) when he was nearly 5 months and bf and DH and I left him with my parents in Jan when he was 16 months when we again went to Miami so I could run a marathon.

Both times I knew he wasn't the only person who would benefit from my leaving him and that's really what made me feel better about my decision.

The first time around, DH really got to be a hands on parent and all that it entails and when I came back, he and DS were two peas in a pod and the confidence that DH got was immense. When DH and I went to Miami in January, my parents really got to spoil DS rotten and because we live overseas, they really enjoyed the hands on experience and bonding with him. And now despite the fact that we live 4000 miles away, DS has a great skype relationship with my parents.

jammiedonut · 04/09/2013 22:50

If you feel you could cope, go for it. I've managed to leave ds overnight a couple of times. The first I was fine as I NEEDED sleep. The second time he was poorly and I was absolutely distraught being away from him. Again I needed the rest, but I made the decision then that I wasn't ready to do it again. I'm sure you dc will love being with gp for the weekend, go enjoy yourself.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 04/09/2013 22:52

I would, and have, but I'm not you. If you will be eaten up with guilt it will ruin the weekend. If you can go and relax, then go.
You must already be confident that you ILs will care for, nurture, and love your DC otherwise you wouldn't be torn.

I did this, and came home to a detailed written inventory of my DS every move! 06:10 woke up, 06:11 nappy change....

nancy75 · 04/09/2013 22:52

My dd stayed with gps from about 2 weeks old ( only overnight at first) we went away for a weekend when she was 7 months old and when she was 3 she went to Spain with my mum & dad for 10 days. Some other parents thought I was the worst mum on earth, however dd had a lovely time, and has a great relationship with my parents. It all depends on how your children get on with their gp's and how happy you are to trust the ils with your children. It sounds like your ils are very close to your children, so in your shoes I would go and have a nice time

GaryBuseysTeeth · 04/09/2013 22:52

Go for it.

We left ds1 overnight at 4wks old, was blissful. We leave him, on average, one night a month with others.
I think all the time apart from us is why he's such a non-clingy, confident toddler.

Mimishimi · 04/09/2013 22:54

The key here is that they offered and are happy to do it. So YANBU.

GColdtimer · 04/09/2013 22:57

Overnight yes. Weekend no. Personally I think it's too long for little ones but your call at the end if the day.

Whoknowswhocares · 04/09/2013 22:59

Why not book somewhere for an overnight stay rather than 3 days? You seem happy with the idea of about 24 hours,so why not push it to dropping kiddies off Saturday am and picking them up Sunday tea time. get hubby to take the Friday and Monday off anyway to help with the kids so you can enjoy some family time too

SimLondon · 04/09/2013 23:01

I think it's unreasonable and about the parents best interests and not the kids. Why not take the kids away to and arrange some extra childcare.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 04/09/2013 23:03

Sim, because taking the kids away too means using unfamiliar childcare.

comedycentral · 04/09/2013 23:06

Just imagine the wine...sex and lie in's ahhhh bliss!

curlew · 04/09/2013 23:09

The people who are saying it's too long- too long for what? And why?

curlew · 04/09/2013 23:11

"I think it's unreasonable and about the parents best interests and not the kids. Why not take the kids away to and arrange some extra childcare."

So, better leave them with an unfamiliar baby sitter than with loving grandparents.....Is that because the grandparents are the OPs in laws, rather than her parents?

dreamingbohemian · 04/09/2013 23:16

I'd go for it. We left DS with GP when he was 5 months old as we were on our knees from sleep deprivation and really needed a break.

Though I would go from Friday to Sunday personally, it will be quite tiring for the GPs and two nights will be easier for your girls too.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 04/09/2013 23:17

I wouldn't leave my kids for that long.

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/09/2013 23:18

I haven't seen one post on here to change my initial reaction, which is go for it and have a fab weekend.

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