Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

To leave DC's with in-laws so DP and I can have a weekend away?

206 replies

snowchic83 · 04/09/2013 22:35

DD1 will be 21 months and DD2 will be 3 months. DP and I are thinking about a weekend away in the Lake District at the beginning of October. His parents have offered to look after the DC's which I am completely happy about as they are great GP's and the girls love them. We are thinking of leaving on the Friday and coming back on the Monday.

Would you leave your baby for the weekend at 3 months (she is FF)? I am also worried that DD1 will wonder where we are and get upset and I hate the thought of her missing us (she as stayed with the ILs a few times overnight and been absolutely fine but 24 hours is a bit different to 3 days).

I have the booking open on anther tab just waiting for me to click but I feel v guilty about it and can't quite bring myself to go ahead!

Am I being over anxious about this? Should I just go ahead and book?

WWYD?

OP posts:

noddyholder · 05/09/2013 12:22

Ilethimkeep you have hit the nail on the head there. I looked after a friends tiny baby while she went to hairdressers and when she came back she was most disappointed that I was still in one piece and he was completely non plussed by her absence BECAUSE HE WAS 3 MONTHS OLD and was happy enough staring at teh ceiling sucking a dummy

squoosh · 05/09/2013 12:23

5 years since you've been away just the rwo of you?

Go for it OP, you know your own kids and presumably so do their grandparents!

Ignore the cat's bum martyrs.

curlew · 05/09/2013 12:24

"If you're OK with your kids being confused and unhappy for 3 days as long as you don't have to know about it, then it's obviously a great thing to do."

Why would they be confused and unhappy with their grandparents? This is a genuine, not a rhetorical question. With a stranger- or even someone they don't see very often, obviously. But with grandparents they have happily stayed with before?

Oh, and if you don't think that a baby can communicate being confused and unhappy, then you certainly never met mine!!!!!!!

mumofboyo · 05/09/2013 12:54

I'd go for it and wouldn't feel guilty either. But my dc have always had overnight stays away from us since they were really tiny, because we felt the break was good for us as a couple. When dd was 6weeks old we moved house. This was bonfire weekend last year, one of the coldest nights of the year to that point, the house had no heating, no carpets, no curtains, all of our things were everywhere, so the dc couldn't possibly stay with us in those conditions. They stayed with grandma and then dsis for 3 nights. It gave us the time we needed to get the house in order. They have suffered no ill effects from this. They were with people who loved them, who know them, who have dc of their own, so I had no worries about them not being looked after properly.

A weekend away would give you something to look forward to, something to talk about with your dh apart from the dc, make a change from the drudge of every day life. And your dc will be well looked after by people who care about them. And, it's not like you're in another country, is it? A phone call and a dash up the motorway is all that stands between you should anything disastrous happen. Which it most probably won't.

Akray · 05/09/2013 12:59

Wish my DC had such fabulous GPs ~ you are all very lucky x

Go for it ~ worse case scenario, you can always come back a day earlier ~ have fun and have some fun for me too ~ no obliging GPs in my family

pictish · 05/09/2013 13:01

If you're OK with your kids being confused and unhappy for 3 days as long as you don't have to know about it, then it's obviously a great thing to do.

Join - just do one will you? Seriously, go and snoot at other mothers, and wring your hands and moon about somewhere else. Preferably far away from this thread.

Ffs.

Tiredemma · 05/09/2013 13:02

Go for it. they sound like wonderful inlaws.

We left both of our DC with parents when they were little (dc 2 was a similar age when we went to amsterdam for a weekend)

Im now PG with DC3 and hope that we will still get similar offers!

Tiredemma · 05/09/2013 13:03

"Of course it is, they can't tell you (or anybody) if they are frightened or feel abandoned.

There is no way to tell if you've upset them.

If you're OK with your kids being confused and unhappy for 3 days as long as you don't have to know about it, then it's obviously a great thing to do."

Bloody hell- talk about catastrophising!!

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/09/2013 13:11

Go for it. They sound like wonderfull loving gps and if you feel comfortable then I see no reason not to.
I wouldnt have gone for so long at that age....ds didnt stay away from me for the night until he was 2.4. But ima total wuss, and I think he would be ot less clingy if Ihad started the whole thing younger. If you are concerned about the time frame maybe come back sunday?
Whatever you chose to do, its up to how comfortable you and dp feel at the end of the day. Go, relax have a wonderful time and come back refreshed and back into reality. Haha.

Original poster

snowchic83 · 05/09/2013 13:19

As ive said before both DDs have stayed overnight with my ILs twice since DD2 was born (she is 9 weeks old) and have been absolutely fine when I picked them up the next day. I know they will be loved and looked after otherwise there is no way I would even consider going anywhere.

However as join said there is no way of knowing whether DD2 would be upset by our absence and I guess that does worry me. I feel like I'm being selfish by even thinking about needing/wanting a break.

Our relationship I guess is like any other when you have 2 small children to look after, it takes a back seat for a while but when you decide to have children you expect that to happen. A couple of days away just sounds lovely ATM but other posters are right in that we don't have to go right now and the Lakes will still be there in a couple of months.

Leavenheath you are absolutely right! DP has no problem at all in going away for a few days without the girls and his friends (with children) wouldn't bat an eyelid. I haven't even mentioned it to my friends yet as I know what some of reactions will be. I was only at toddlers Tuesday and one of the mums was telling me that she hasn't had a night out since her eldest was born 8 years ago as she couldn't bear to leave them.

OP posts:

Original poster

snowchic83 · 05/09/2013 13:34

Just realised I've probably outed myself to my SIL. I hope it's not join!

OP posts:

Mutley77 · 05/09/2013 13:35

I don't know - you have posted on AIBU and I don't think you are BU.

However at the end you have asked WWYD? My DD is 12 weeks and 3 days - no way in hell I would leave her for even 24 hours - in fact haven't been away from any of my children overnight until they were 11 months (DD) and 9 months (DS) - with DS I was supposed to be away for 2 nights (wedding) and cut it to one as couldn't do 2.

I just feel as babies they need that security of one figure - (or two as my DH is pretty hands on). And DD is ff so I could leave her - weird feeling as I feel v responsible like I couldn't leave her. But as I say that's probably my issue and there is nothing U about doing it if it's right for you.

Original poster

snowchic83 · 05/09/2013 13:39

mutley I guess it was part AIBU and part WWYD. I have never posted on mumsnet before despite lurking for what seems like forever and wasn't sure where to post.

OP posts:

pictish · 05/09/2013 13:42

Imvho - these mums who feel so bereft at taking some time out for themselves, no matter how slight, are the ones who will be left with nothing to do when their kids leave home, and will become the sort of mums who have no boundaries when it comes to their adult children, and about whom many a mil post is written on here.

Mutley77 · 05/09/2013 13:43

The reason I think it is too young - in response to poster above - is that they can't understand where you are and when you are coming back (or know if you are coming back). yes they may well not give a monkeys about that but I just don't feel comfortable with it myself.

nona2706 · 05/09/2013 14:01

Go for it op.i left mine at 25months and 3 months for the weekend and no harm has come to them.my parents love having them and now we can leave them with others and they aren't clingy at all.my 2 go away for a weekend every couple of months. And when i was admitted to hospital 4 weeks ago they stayed at my parents for a week as my partner couldn't get off work and they loved it as they get spoilt.

sameoldIggi · 05/09/2013 16:55

Pictish, that's some slippery slope you are describing there!

pictish · 05/09/2013 16:56

I know....but I don't care. I suspect it's true.

specialsubject · 05/09/2013 17:01

have the GPs looked after both before (Guess now as it looks like your younger one is only just uncurling?) Are they still young and fit enough to do this? A 3 month old wakes up in the night, plus there is an active toddler too.

no worries about a bit of adult time for you (why not?) but have the GPs realised what they are taking on? And (with some experience...) are they a childcare team? Because they will need to be...

sameoldIggi · 05/09/2013 17:03

TheSecondComing · 05/09/2013 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 05/09/2013 17:18

Oh I see, you declare the op has already had her quota f time off... how good of you to point that out !

EST0106 · 05/09/2013 17:31

Do it, my dd is 2.4 and we haven't been away as a couple at all, its rubbish! We only have my MIL, she has offered so its on the agenda before DC2 arrives. I have no problem leaving DD overnight though, remember the first time staying at a friends so I could get some sleep!! Expressed milk and off I went without a backward glance, I'm a terrible mother like that though! I really don't get the people saying they haven't left DC overnight, even with the childrens father? I value my time withDD but I also value my time away from her.

TheSecondComing · 05/09/2013 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HungryHorace · 05/09/2013 18:42

I left my 10+6 week old today for 90 minutes. The first time neither of us was with her. She wasn't very happy and did seem out of sorts, to the family friend and my mum who were looking after her.

My MiL and I have agreed to go steady in 'weaning' her off us so she's happier for prolonged periods / all day / over night in her own time.

So I wouldn't personally leave her overnight at 12 weeks as she's not entirely happy without us. If she was, then I'd probably go for 1 night, but even though MiL would love to have her, I don't think she's envisaging 3 night stays just yet! Certainly not until DD sleeps through. Which is fair enough.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't though, just do what you're comfortable with.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread